


Of Ink and Emptiness

by chibixkadaj



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-01-29 01:12:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 55,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12619756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibixkadaj/pseuds/chibixkadaj
Summary: NCT Soulmate AU || Yuta x Taeyong || Doyoung x Jaehyun (Epilogue pt. 2)In which Yuta is a model and Taeyong an artist, and they're bound to one another by ink.Trigger warning: Body dismorphia/eating disorders, alcoholism, anxiety, car accidents(but it ends well!)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many many many thanks to Eden for beta-ing!! You've really made this fic such a fun experience. <3

“ _Toriko….boarded the bus for Narita at 5:30am…”_ Taeyong let out a huff, looking at the mess of hiragana and kanji on his paper that he prayed was right. His test was in approximately three hours, and he debated tossing in the towel and drinking his sorrows away in a few double shot espressos before his early morning Japanese class. These sentences weren’t even that hard! Taeyong’s forehead fell against the desk and he ran his hands through his dark hair a few times. The perfectionist in him needed everything to be locked away in the recesses of his mind before this morning’s exam but the reality looming over him said that his brain was already oversaturated. It was fruitless now; he needed to give up.

With a huff he took his Sharpie in hand and rolled up his left sleeve. He’d hate himself for this in the afternoon but for now Taeyong needed at least a few notes at his disposal. So he jotted down a couple of sentences for his exposition and went to call it a night. Or a morning? He needed to get that coffee as soon as possible.

Yuta’s third alarm of the morning was blaring when he finally rolled over and ended his misery. The only aspect of his job he despised was the waking up early, and yet here he was at 6AM crawling his way out of bed and into the shower. Call time was at 7:30.

He let the hot shower steam up his small bathroom, eyes fixed on his phone. Twitter was more interesting than washing his hair, but eventually the guilt of wasting water struck in his gut and he stripped away his pajamas to get clean and, finally, wake the fuck up. Pouring a generous amount of soap into his palm he started on washing his body first. Counter to most people he knew Yuta liked to work backwards, sudsing up his legs first, then covering his stomach, before finally finishing with his arms and shoulders. He hummed a tune under his breath, the theme of the latest anime romantic comedy that Hansol dragged him to the other day, when his focus shifted to his arms. “Ah!” His eyes caught something creeping across his skin-- black strokes from left to write in a handwriting so neat it certainly couldn’t be Yuta’s own. “ _Toriko boarded the bus by Narita at 5:30am hoping to make it in time...She checked her watch…._ ”

Yuta’s eyes widened; shocked, confused, horrified because flaws on his body were the last thing he needed for a magazine shoot. He gripped the loofa harder, the small holes carving into his skin over and over in vain. No matter his effort the words simply wouldn’t wash away. So he scrubbed and scrubbed (not an action unfamiliar to him from his darker moments) until a thought dawned in him-- shared ink.

His head fell against the cool shower wall and he lets out a sigh of relief. He knew the stories of “soulmates.” His parents used to gush about the birthmark they shared, a discovery made when they met abroad in college. Both had come from the same prefecture in Fukushima and the local mark bound them together. But soulmate signs show up sporadically and vary between partners; or so the rumors say. Yuta looked down at his ink and wondered just what bound him to it. He was never good at school, and especially not with writing. Still, wrapping a towel around his waist and grabbing another for his hair he decided to test it.

The pen was shaking in his trembling palm. _“The particle you want. It’s not ‘by’ but ‘for’”_ Yuta wrote back with a chuckle. If this worked then his soulmate clearly wasn’t Japanese. Not that his mistakes were terrible or his sentences indecipherable but Yuta could, at the very least, recognize textbook Japanese.

There was a long pause, Yuta’s eyes fixed on his skin in anticipation, and then across Yuta’s inner forearm appeared _‘Arigato.’_

 _‘iie,’_ Yuta scrawled back with a chuckle, then quickly washed the ink away in his bathroom sink. He thought about asking whomever was on the other end of that pen if he needed these notes for the sake of Yuta’s job but then he reconsidered and wrote instead, _‘I’m Nakamoto Yuta, pleasure to meet you, Soulmate.’_

Soulmate… The word rang weirdly in Taeyong’s ears (and read weirdly in katakana) though logically he knew there was no other explanation. At 21he was finally connected to the person he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. A complete stranger, at that; someone whose personality, appearance, living and eating habits were all a mystery to him. He was anxious just thinking about it.His soulmate being Japanese did make him feel a bit better, however. It gave him a sense that his life’s goal to move to Japan and pursue a career there wasn’t so out of reach. And, fortunately, the first thing he learned in Japanese 101 was self-introductions so he quickly wrote back, _‘My name is Lee Taeyong, Korean, it’s nice to meet you, Yuta-san.’_

 _‘Well we haven’t met yet,’_ Yuta was outright laughing as he replied. He couldn’t help the grin spreading across his lips or the excitement pooling in the pit of his stomach. This _soulmate_ thing was amazing. Eighteen was typically the demarcating year for soulmates. His parents has met on their first year of university. His sister woke up with a name on her finger the day of her eighteenth birthday. But for Yuta, eighteen was the year of broken dreams and a shattered future and no soulmate in sight to top it all off. He never thought he’d find something, not at 21.

‘ _I...don’t understand…’_

 _‘Ah,’_ Yuta pauses to think of the best way he could simplify his sentence. He didn’t know how to write in Korean beyond typical greetings so he had to rely on the blessed fact that this person, Lee Taeyong, was taking Japanese. _‘You and I have not met yet so we cannot say ‘Nice to meet’.’_

 _‘Oh.’_ Taeyong’s lips drew into a tight line and he struggled to think of a reply. _‘This is too much for me right now ;;’_ He scrawled out quickly in Korean and hoped that maybe this mysterious Japanese man might be able to understand him. Yuta couldn’t completely, but he definitely knew someone who could help. He flipped on his phone to send Hansol a quick snap of his arm. Then, when his friend didn’t reply immediately, Yuta spammed him with stickers.

_Jisol_11: What do u want_   
_NaYut: look at the picture_   
_NaYut: what does it say????_   
_NaYut: ???_

Across Yuta’s arm came another message, fortunately in Japanese this time _‘Do you understand Korean?’_

Yuta started typing faster.

_NaYut: ? >??_   
_Jisol_11: shut UP_   
_Jisol_11: It says,_   
_Jisol_11 is typing…_

Yuta discovered he’s running about 10 minutes late and sprinted back into the bathroom to tone and moisturize his face. Fortunately hair, makeup, and clothing would be taken care of for him so he really only had to worry about showing up on time. Problem being that even that was in jeopardy. _And_ Hansol still hadn’t replied to him.

_NaYut: Will you help pls!!!_   
_Jisol_11: Sorry, fell asleep_   
_Jisol_11: it says ‘This is too much for me right now’ with some sweatdrops_   
_Jisol_11: Why’re you writing on your arm in Korean_

Ignoring Hansol’s message, Yuta snatched up the sharpie again to write out a quick _‘Sorry^^’_ in sloppy Japanese. _‘I don’t know a lot but my friend does.’_

Yuta looked at his phone again. Covering a few lingering messages demanding clarification from Hansol was the time. 7:10AM. _‘I need to leave for work. No new messages ok? Good luck on your exam!’_ He headed to the bathroom to wash it off when one final thought struck. Rather than his now clean forearm, which still boasted Lee Taeyong’s initial study cheats, Yuta chose to write on the inside of his pinky. _‘Hwaiting^^’_

Taeyong stared at his now mostly bare arm for a few silent moments, replaying the conversation in his head while his heart rate settled. A soulmate. Taeyong never thought much about soulmates. His parents hadn’t been around long enough for him to learn the various myths and legends of soulmates; the loss of his aunt had such a jarring impact on his uncle that they never really spoke about it. It tended to leave Taeyong with bitter thoughts. What’s the worth of a partner selected by the universe if time was still so fleeting? He wasn’t as against the whole thing as his best friend Doyoung, but he certainly didn’t put much weight on the idea. Which left a weird twist in his stomach as he looked over the tiny message on his pinky. Whoever this Nakamoto Yuta was seemed...nice. At the very least the practical side of Taeyong wanted to probe him for more help with his Japanese.

His phone started buzzing against his desk.

“Hello?”

“Aiiiiiish! I dragged my butt out to this cafe to keep you from being miserable before your exam and you’re not even here yet,” a voice whined from the other end.

“Yah! Are you talking down to me?” Taeyong tried to keep his voice as stern as possible but laughter crept its way around the edges of his older brother-like act. “I’ll be there soon.”

“You’re buying me bread when you come,” Doyoung insisted, “It’s the least you can do for making me wake up and then wait for you.”

“What a brat,” Taeyong chuckled under his breath, “See you soon.”

Except soon is as long as it takes him to change and do his hair before he finally made it to the Coffee Bean on their university grounds. Taeyong didn’t live on campus, but Doyoung’s dorm resided in the apartment just above their favorite cafe. It was truly unfair that Taeyong’s delay meant having to shell out for Doyoung’s breakfast but for the younger male Taeyong would do just about anything. He placed a chocolate croissant and small americano before his friend as a peace offering then slipped into the chair across from him.

“You’re forgiven,” Doyoung hummed as he ripped into his meal. “How do you feel about your exam?”

“Will you chew with your mouth closed?” Taeyong peered over the top of his latte with a quirk of his brow, “Did your parents teach you any manners.”

“How _dare_ you talk about my mother like that. I’ll have you know that she did her absolutely best considering the circumstances of--”

Taeyong’s hand flew between them to stop his tirade. “Spare me, _please_.”

“Well, then answer my question. How do you feel about your exam?”

“Ah…” He instinctively rubbed at the sharpied sentences under the sleeve of his jean jacket. “I guess we’ll see.”

“You have bags under your eyes so I’m guessing you got zero hours of sleep. You’ll probably be fine.”

“I hope so but we’ll see.” If he failed it wouldn’t be the first time and if he didn’t then he could at least comfortably maintain his rank in the top 10. Taeyong was good at most subjects but languages always threw him for a loop. What was worse, his ability to graduate hardly hinged on his performance in upper level Japanese; he just wanted the skill down before he left everything to move to Japan.

Doyoung’s sweet smile pulled him from his thoughts and he smiled back. “You’ll do great, hyung.”

x

Yuta spent his time in the makeup chair scrolling through every Lee Taeyong he could find on Facebook, despite having no other information besides his name and the fact that he studied Japanese. He was at least able to knock off a few older looking salary men from his list (or he hoped his soulmate wasn’t that much older than him, destined love or not Yuta didn’t want to be stuck with a geezer).

“Yu-chan you’re ready,” Sayumi, his usual stylist for most local shoots, smiled and stepped back from her work. “Your outfits are over there.”

He smiled brightly back in thanks, bowing his head once between slipping from the chair and approaching the clothing rack. Every outfit was sleeveless. Yuta gulped. “Sayumi-san,” he turned back to her, grinning in that way that told her he was about to make a request. “Could you help me with one more thing?”

She looked skeptically at him, “Maybe,” her arms folded across her chest. “What is it?”

Shamelessly, Yuta stripped the thin white sweater from his body and draped it over the neatest chair. Had Sayumi not been with him since his first year in the industry she’d probably have blushed. Instead she yelled at him, “This isn’t a strip club!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Yuta chuckled, “Just...well, look.” He extended his arm out between them here the black ink had faded in a few spots but was still as prominent as when it appeared on Yuta that morning. “Can you cover this up?”

She didn’t seem pleased but to Yuta’s relief started mixing shades of foundation together to assist him. “It’s not like you to draw on yourself.”

“It’s not mine,” He replied almost proudly, eyebrows raised in excitement. “It’s my _soulmate_.”

“Oh, really?” Yuta wouldn’t tell just anyone something so personal. Sayumi recognized her privileged position after keeping the boy calm in his work over the last two years. And, like any “older sister” would be, she was incredibly excited for him. “You’ll have to tell me more about this person. But maybe ask them not to write on you before magazine shoots.”

“He has a Japanese exam, so I let it slide this time.”

“He? Ehhh?”

“Oh…” Yuta’s face fell, “Is that...I didn’t mean...just don’t worry about it..”

“No no, Yu-chan. He or she, I’m happy you have this person,” She covered the last character in makeup, eyes low on her work, “Just be careful who you tell okay? It’s not the right time for you to reveal this if you want your career to continue.” After carefully applying some setting powder she looked up to him and smiled warmly, “Just some sisterly advice, take it as you will. Now hurry out before the director gets mad!”

Caught up in his excitement Yuta hadn’t really thought about the consequences of having any counterpart in his industry. Models didn’t have it as badly as actors or idols, but it was better to be careful. Yuta hid his sudden disappointment behind the mask of a gentle smile and quickly dressed himself in the first outfit. He shouldn’t have raised his hopes so high, he thought while dark eyes smoldered towards the camera and his fingers trailed across his lips. Even if a soulmate who didn’t know this celebrity side to him was too good to be true, the reality of their _love life_ (Yuta was getting ahead of himself) would be plagued with hardships from his modeling career.

Some of the most famous models swayed fans with their denouncing of the “soulmate” system. Some claimed every fan was the one for him. Any illusion to keep interest.

Besides... Yuta had already given up one dream. He wasn’t ready to tempt the fates with his second chance.

While Yuta changed between outfits, Taeyong settled at his desk for his exam. After a long hour of debating with himself he inevitably washed the sentences off of his skin. It wouldn’t be right to cheat. And he recognized the difficulties to be had with rolling up his sleeve and copying mid-exam. Taeyong wasn’t usually this naive but after two days of minimal sleep and replacing all the blood in his body with coffee made him much less sharp than usual. _“Alright,”_ He thought quietly, clapping his pencil between his palms and squeezing his eyes shut. If he were religious he’d pray, but instead he begged the universe to give him strength. Then he remembered the tiny encouragement on his pinky, left untouched from from his washing, and decided he’d take it as a good omen.

Taeyong wasn’t too superstitious, but he definitely had a few good fortune charms stashed in his bag.

Doyoung caught him as he exited his classroom and immediately prompted him for updates. “It was okay,” Taeyong chuckled, rubbing at his eyes. “I think I messed up only one-fifth of it so maybe I’ll get an 80?” He could only hope.

With the test over, and about three more hours of class ahead of him, Taeyong could feel all of his pent up exhaustion finally weaving its way through his muscles. “Doyoung-ah,” he whined, his steps slowing. A hand extended to beckon the younger over.

Doyoung’s steps slowed, “What…”

“Come here,” Taeyong waved him over again.

“Why…” Doyoung steadily closed the space between them until Taeyong launched forward, chin falling on his shoulder and arms wrapping tight around his bicep.

“I’m tired...carry me to class.”

“Never,” Doyoung whined, trying to shake the other off. “Get _off_.”

“Carry me to class or buy me coffee.”

“That’s a terrible ultimatum.”

Doyoung ended up having to do both in the end.

x

Taeyong declined an invitation to join Doyoung and Jaehyun for dinner in lieu of passing out the second he reached his bed. His uncle had other plans for him.

“Jaemin is struggling on his math lecture, Taeyong-ah. Help him before dinner?”

Taeyong ran his fingers through his hair and suppressed a huff. He wanted to say no. As it was, he felt exhausted and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to teach properly. But his uncle’s request wasn’t debatable, and Taeyong shoved his bookbag into a corner of his room before attending to his cousin’s educational needs.

What was only supposed to be Math turned into English and traditional literature help as well. Taeyong knew his cousin was intelligent, he just needed step by step breakdowns of each lesson to comprehend was was going on. Once the foundational pieces were laid out for him Jaemin could run wild with his brain. But taking his lessons apart took Taeyong hours to get right, and by the time his uncle was separating them to put his own child to sleep Taeyong was shocked he could keep his own eyes open.

He fumbled through a shower before collapsing face first into his pillows, nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. “What a day…” He muttered to no one, rubbing his eyes as he recalled the events. His exam, Doyoung, helping his cousin, meeting his _soulmate_. Right...he had a soulmate now. The fact that another being existed in part to be matched to him still felt strange to Taeyong. And part of him felt it to be untrue. He’d been tired all week, maybe his mind was playing tricks on him.

By this point the encouragement on his pinky had been cleaned away and without it Taeyong almost felt like it never really happened in the first place. He breathed a sigh through his nose then grabbed a sharpie between his fingers. Only one way to find out. But before Taeyong could touch the inked tip to his skin a messy message was blooming before his eyes.

Yuta, out drinking with a few fellow models including Hansol, was too drunk to not make a show of himself and his newly found soulmate. “Look, look, watch,” he slurred, scrawling out a messy _‘How did your test go?’_

Taeyong sighed again. It was real… He felt something he couldn’t quite contextualize. Something like...relief. He smiled some when he wrote back, _‘Alright. Thanks for all your help!’_

Around him Ten and Hansol howled with laughter. Yuta with a soulmate seemed more foreign to them than London, New York, and Milan’s fashion shows combined.So of course he was determined to prove Taeyong existed. “See, it’s right there,” he cackled, waving his arm just enough that Ten had to latch around Yuta’s wrist and hold him still so he could read the reply. “Wow, well that definitely _can’t_ be your handwriting. It’s too pretty.”

“Fuck off,” Yuta yanked his arm back, tongue poking out between still-glossed lips.

“So that’s why you woke me up this morning?” Hansol was finally putting two and two together. “Jesus, Yuta, I’m not here to help your love life.”

“I’d _never_ ask your advice. Not after you went abroad and came back with a hard on for an American fuck boy.”

“Johnny was nice!” Hansol protested.

“So where’s Johnny now?”

The blush spreading across Hansol’s face just barely blended in with his alcohol flushed cheeks and he fell silent.

“‘S what I thought.” Yuta snatched the sharpie back in his hand and pressed the cap to his lips. _‘Of course! I can help anywhere.’_

Taeyong blinked. Was this slang he was unaware of? Was he mistranslating? _‘Thanks^^’_ He wrote in Korean this time, while Hansol and Ten teased Yuta endlessly for drunkenly writing the wrong thing.

 _‘Anytime! I meant any **time**!’ _ Yuta traced over the characters a few times over until they melted into blobs. Taeyong couldn’t help but chuckle, underlining his last messages a few times over in response. _‘I need to sleep,’_ Taeyong continued, _‘Good night.’_

“Hansol! What’s he saying?”

“Your Korean isn’t _this_ bad.”

“Just translate, please?”

Hansol grimaced towards the shot he was watching Ten pour then looked back to Yuta. “He’s going to bed and says goodnight.”

“Oh!” _‘Oyasumi~^^’_

“Cheesy,” Hansol tch’d, clinking glasses with Ten and forcing his way through the shot. “I’ll drink to forget I saw any of that.”

They finished off their last bottle of shochu and called it a night, parting ways at the train station. It’s a happy coincidence that Yuta lives the closest to Hansol and Ten’s favorite bar, and one he doesn’t take for granted as he wound his home through various side streets. The quiet night and cool air helped clear his head just enough that he only fumbled with his keys for a minute instead of five and he was soon able to stumble through the threshold of his small apartment. Yuta didn’t tend to mix well with silence but tonight his attention was elsewhere-- fixed curiously on the writing winding its way up and down his left arm. The whole thing felt peculiar and yet Yuta couldn’t help but chuckle to himself. For once he didn’t break into the sake stored underneath his counter, far more satisfied to tipsily trace over Taeyong’s beautiful handwriting with his index finger until he fell asleep, curled over on his side and still covered in a face full of makeup.

Taeyong focus wasn’t on class the next morning. He was still groggy, getting more sleep that one night than he had all week; and he felt so stuffy in his red camo sweater, stuck in his hot classroom. Problem was Yuta hadn’t wiped away any of the previous night’s messages and Taeyong wasn’t ready to look like a mess at school.

He spent most of his time doodling through lecture, a line of heads across the top of his paper. Some sharp jaws, others round, with long hair and mohawks and buzzcuts. Taeyong wondered which of these, if any, represented Yuta. Eventually he settled on a figure with a nice long face, standard haircut with bangs, and narrow eyes. He had no clue, but from one day of chatting this felt the most right. Class was ending when the peak of Sharpie on his wrist went away. Taeyong checked his watch-- 1PM was quite a time for Yuta to be waking up and washing himself. Didn’t the other have work?

‘ _Good morning,’_ he wrote cheekily on his palm.

_‘Good morning!^^’_

Ah...Taeyong couldn’t decide if he was disappointed that his sarcasm wasn’t replied to or if he was smitten with how cute Yuta seemed to be. The flush of his cheeks told him it was the second one.

He brought his pen back to his hand then stopped. He was in the middle of his school hallway and writing on himself was probably the weirdest thing he could do right now. His lips drew into a line. Would it be too forward to ask for a phone number? He made his way to his next class, tucked himself into the far back corner of the room and tried to recall as much Japanese as he could for this.

 _‘Could we text?’_ He sighed, switching partially to Korean, _‘It looks weird to write on myself during class.’_

It was far easier for Yuta to translate Taeyong’s Korean when sober than it had been the night before. He didn’t even need to bug Hansol.

_‘Sure! My Line is….’_

Instead of doodling Taeyong spent class texting Yuta under the table; asking about his previous night and his plans for his Friday. The first thing he learned was that Yuta drinks with his friends a lot.

_NaYut: Do you drink?^^_   
_TY_Track: Sometimes. Only at parties._   
_NaYut: I haven’t been to a party in a while~ Usually my friends and I go out._

Yuta also seemed to really like using kaomoji and embellishments on his messages. Taeyong was fairly straightforward in his communication and the more they exchanged the more he started to wonder if Yuta would think he’s bland. But when he tried to send a smiley Doyoung caught him in the act and relentlessly teased him for it. So he stuck with his regular messaging style and hoped for the best.

The two had just about given up playing video games at Doyoung’s dorm when Taeyong’s phone started buzzing non-stop.

“Everything okay?” Doyoung asked with a cock of his head.

“Yeah...I mean should be. This isn’t my uncle’s ringtone…” Taeyong flipped open his phone and poked around a bit. “Oh...it’s Yuta.”

_NaYut: Taeyongggg~~~_   
_NaYut: Taeyong-ah~~_   
_NaYut: Yah~!_   
_NaYut: ARe you there??_   
_TY_Track: Hi._   
_TY_Track: What is it??_

“Everything okay?” Doyoung repeated, stooping over Taeyong’s shoulder to look at the messages. “He’s so weird...You guys just ‘met’ and you haven’t even met. He should lay off a bit.”

“I don’t know,” Taeyong shrugged, eyes and thumbs both focused on replying back and getting Yuta to say more than his name and _‘Hi!’_ “I guess it makes sense he’s so comfortable if we’re, you know, destined for each other.”

“Don’t tell me you’re really buying into that,” Doyoung stepped around to sit in front of Taeyong, arms folded over his chest.

“You saw the ink didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you two will be a match made in heaven. Not all soulmates work like that.”

Taeyong didn’t know as well as Doyoung, whose parents (although connected by Fate) ended up trapped in a loveless and mutually destructive marriage. The topic was sensitive for his friend and Taeyong should’ve known better than to just show Yuta off. He shifted some, bringing a hand to Doyoung’s shoulder. He may not entirely agree but he also didn’t necessarily disagree either. “Sorry,” he offered with a small smile. “Yeah, I guess he’s being a little much huh? I think he’s drinking, he mentioned doing that tonight.”

“You’re just getting so caught up in this,” Doyoung’s voice was heavy with pouting, but Taeyong’s touch had coaxed his arms to unfold and drop back to his sides.

“I’m not going to say it’s not exciting.”

Doyoung didn’t seem to like that too much so Taeyong switched approaches. “I mean now I have a Japanese partner,” he said with a grin. That struck a better chord with his friend and he finally seemed to brush off whatever chip it was on his shoulder over Taeyong’s soulmate. “I’ll be more aware though. Don’t worry Doyoung-ah, I’m not going to just leave for Japan without warning or anything because of this guy.”

“You were going to up and leave for Japan anyway.”

“Yeah, but,” Taeyong reached over to ruffle Doyoung’s hair, “I’m not going any faster just because someone is there now. Trust me on that.” He smiled and eventually Doyoung smiled back.

Taeyong made sure to keep his attention on his friend for the remainder of his time at his dorm, though he snuck Yuta small messages here and there to let him know he was still around and to wait patiently. He took the time to properly respond (in as much Japanese as he could) to Yuta’s messages on his walk home; nearly getting distracted at a crosswalk.

Reaching home it seemed like Yuta’s drinking spree wasn’t anywhere near its end and Taeyong started to feel like an old man by comparison.

_NaYut: You’re not an old man~ Or...are you? You’re not right?;;_   
_TY_Track: No… I’m not…_   
_NaYut: How old are you??_   
_TY_Track: 21_   
_NaYut: Oh! Me too!_

Taeyong cocked a brow at that. 21 and working at 8am? Taeyong had assumed him older with his full time job and drinking habits.

 _TY_Track: Are you in school?_ _  
NaYut: No. Dropped out._

Taeyong had to enter the last message into his translator app, as well as his response.

_TY_Track: Why did you drop out?_   
_NaYut: Had a scholarship_   
_NaYut: Was playing soccer_   
_NaYut: Couldn’t play soccer anymore and lost it_   
_NaYut: :(_   
_TY_Track: Oh...I’m sorry…_

He inhaled, holding his breath as he sent:

_TY_Track: :(_

Yuta was being quite open with him so Taeyong chose to probe him a little bit further.

 _TY_Track: What do you do for work?_ _  
NaYut: I’m a model^^_

Taeyong nearly choked. A _model_? His soulmate? Was he a famous model? Was he in magazines? Had Taeyong passed photos of him in the bookstore and not realized? He wanted to check now; stunned that his soulmate could be so much of _someone_ while Taeyong, himself, was anything but. He flipped open his Naver app when another message came.

 _NaYut: I’m...worried though…_ _  
TY_Track: Why’s that?_

There was a long pause. Yuta was typing and then erasing and then typing again and Taeyong felt like he had crossed a line he shouldn’t have. He debated backtracking--all thoughts of looking Yuta up long gone--when he finally got a reply.

_NaYut: I messed soccer up...I don’t know what I’ll do if I mess this up too._

Taeyong took a moment with that, a soft “Huh” escaping his lips.

_TY_Track: Why do you think that?_   
_NaYut: I’m not the best model or the most handsome and I’m so young and if my body could break after a lifetime of playing soccer why would it work long for something I tried on a whim?_   
_NaYut: It’s useless really_   
_NaYut: Everything about me is useless and flawed_

Taeyong, in addition to having to translate Yuta’s messages for fear of missing something important, had to read the other’s words a few times over. _“Useless?”_ He thought, surprised by Yuta’s sudden vulnerability, _“Flawed?”_ He bit lightly into his bottom lip, pressing his back further against the side of his bed. He was hoping to take a quick shower and then resume the conversation but there was no way he could run away with how things had turned.

_TY_Track: I’m sure that’s not the case._   
_NaYut: You don’t even know what I look like~_   
_TY_Track: No…_   
_TY_Track: But if I look you up I’m sure I could find something?_   
_NaYut: Wait!!_   
_NaYut: Wait, Taeyong wait._   
_NaYut: Don’t tonight._

_“Why?”_ Taeyong wondered, but he didn’t opt to push further. Yuta seemed very firm and Taeyong had already learned so much that he didn’t want to test the limits of Yuta’s trust. They were still near perfect strangers and even if Taeyong wanted to know all the answers some things were best left to tackle another day.

 _TY_Track: Okay, I won’t_ _  
TY_Track: Don’t worry okay? I really won’t^^ You’re okay_

Yuta fell quiet again so Taeyong took it as his opportunity to shower. When he returned he found a singular “ _Thanks”_ in his inbox.

Now that he was clean Taeyong felt much better and climbing into his bed. He settled against the pillows, lights off except for the glow of his phone, and he tried to change the subject to something that would hopefully make Yuta more comfortable.

_TY_Track: Are you still out with your friends?_   
_NaYut: Just one. Ten’s a loser and went home._   
_TY_Track: Tell me about Ten?_

It worked. Soon enough Taeyong’s screen was filled with long paragraphs he could only half understand about Ten, Yuta’s model friend from Thailand. Nothing of any real substance was shared but Taeyong definitely enjoyed the stories of Ten challenging Yuta and their other friend, Hansol, to drinking competitions he could never win.

_TY_Track: They sound nice^^ Are you with Hansol?_   
_NaYut: We just split. I’m going home now._   
_TY_Track: Are you far from home? Please get home safe._   
_TY_Track: Let me know when you’re back_

A smile spread across Yuta’s lips. It was such a simple gesture, yet one that made him feel safe. If this was the type of person the universe had picked for his soulmate--someone who would listen unbiased to the demons that Yuta hardly shared with his best friends and then tell him to be careful after a night of recklessness, without judgment--then he felt eternally grateful.

 _NaYut: I’m home^^_ He shot back upon crossing the threshold of his apartment.   
_TY_Track: Good. Now go to sleep!_  
 _NaYut: You don’t want to talk longer:(_  
 _TY_Track: We can if you want to._

Yuta smiled at that too, once again walking past the extra sake in favor of climbing straight into bed.

_NaYut: Nah I’m kidding. It’s way past your old man bedtime. Let’s talk tomorrow!_

He wouldn’t admit it outwardly but Taeyong was rather grateful to be set free to sleep.

_TY_Track: If you’re sure. Please sleep soon! I’m glad you made it home._   
_TY_Track: Oyasumi_   
_TY_Track: Yukkuri~_

Yuta blinked.

_NaYut: Yukkuri??_   
_TY_Track: Yeah. I’m going to call you that since we’re the same age._   
_NaYut: ???_   
_TY_Track: It’s cute. And you type so slowly it fits._   
_TY_Track: (´ ꒳ `)_

Taeyong needed to download a kaomoji keyboard at this rate. It took him far too long to search for a proper one before Yuta replied.

_NaYut: I’m offended_   
_TY_Track: (´꒳`)_   
_TY_Track: (´꒳`)_   
_TY_Track: (´꒳`)_   
_NaYut: Ok!! Go to bed!!_   
_TY_Track: Goodnight Yukkuri~_

Before he could be caught up in anything else Taeyong switched his phone to sleep mode and turned the other way.

When he woke the next morning there were three messages waiting for him.

_NaYut: Sorry for last night…_   
_NaYut: You can ignore most of what I said ;;;;_   
_NaYut: I get a little sad when I’m tipsy ((´д ｀ ))_

_“A little sad might be a bit of an understatement…”_ But Taeyong didn’t quite know that for sure.

_TY_Track: It’s okay I don’t mind._   
_TY_Track: Do you feel better?_   
_NaYut: I do^^_   
_TY_Track: Then that’s all that matters to me^^_


	2. Chapter 2

Taeyong sat bored in class. Doyoung was in his own lesson and Jaehyun was working at the cafe, so neither were available to entertain him during his longest and dullest lecture every week. Worse still, Taeyong had no inspiration to draw at the moment so nothing filled the margins of his notebooks. He’d tried for so long to capture what he _thought_ Yuta looked like but he could never be sure. And he’d never dare share them with the individual himself, so it left Taeyong stuck in a rut of what to do. He thought about messaging him but...Yuta had a job; much more important things than entertaining his college student soulmate.

They’d texted a lot over the last few weeks, in the evenings mostly. Yuta tended to be drunk after work and, though they hadn’t had a night as intimate as the one right after they’d “met,” Taeyong couldn’t help but want a moment where they were both clearheaded. He didn’t dislike Yuta drunk, or his drinking habits, but sometimes it was hard for his sober mind to keep up with Yuta’s drunken antics. That and… Well, after what Yuta revealed to him Taeyong couldn’t help but worry that Yuta had a predisposition to drown his concerns in alcohol. 

Sometimes he thought about asking--checking in here or there to see if Yuta was doing okay. But the other male typically resorted to an emoji and carried on conversing elsewhere. One night he stopped talking to Taeyong entirely and that had frightened him so much he decided to stop pushing all together. If Yuta wanted to say things he would. Taeyong couldn’t bear facing a night of silence otherwise. 

He fiddled with his phone under his desk, playing a game until he ran out of free hearts and faced the dreaded decision of turning the game off for another hour or buying more lives. He went with the former, sighing to himself. Another hour and a half of class… Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to throw caution to the wind. He braced his nerves and sent Yuta a quick text.

_TY_Track: Hello. Hope your day is going well!_

He wasn’t expecting a reply less than five minutes later.

 _NaYut: Hi!! I just finished a shoot_ _ᕙ_ _( ~ . ~ )_ _ᕗ_ __  
NaYut: How’re you? __  
TY_Track: Bored… In class ( _ﾉ_ __ _)_ _ﾉ_ __  
NaYut: Want company? I have some free time

This was going far better than Taeyong expected. And yes, he _did_ want company more than anything else right now. If only there was a way to convey his speedy nodding through text. Instead he sent the next best thing:

 _TY_Track: Yes please TT_ __  
NaYut: Aaaaah you’re so cute! __  
TY_Track: Am not __  
TY_Track: I’ll never use emojis around you again __  
NaYut: (!!´ _◯_ _`)_ __  
NaYut: No don’t! __  
TY_Track: _ㅋㅋㅋ_ __  
NaYut: Well what do you want to do?

Somehow that felt strangely….Awkwardly intimate coming from Yuta.

_TY_Track: Why do I feel like you have said that to many people before me?_ __  
NaYut: I haven’t!!! __  
TY_Track: Mhm… _  
NaYut: Believe me_ _ㅜㅜ_

_“Does he only have a Korean keyboard for emojis?”_ Taeyong wondered. He wouldn’t put it past Yuta honestly. 

_TY_Track: I guess_

Taeyong was chuckling to himself under his breath, trying not to draw attention to the fact that he wasn’t paying attention to his lecture. Playing with Yuta was really fun.

_TY_Track: How was work?_ _  
NaYut: Aren’t there better questions you could ask?_

So they exchanged some rapid fire questions instead. They learn each other’s favorite foods (takoyaki and green tea ice cream).

_NaYut: I really like green tea roll cakes (*^_ _◇_ _^)_

Taeyong filed that away as something to consider making in the future. Maybe the day they meet. They learn each other’s hometowns. Yuta’s love of takoyaki made sense upon learning he’s from Osaka. 

_NaYut: But I moved to Tokyo for work so I haven’t been back in some time_ __  
TY_Track: Which city do you like better?  
_NaYut: Osaka!_ __  
TY_Track: Why? _  
NaYut: It’s perfect for a mountain man like me_ _ᕙ_ _( •̀_ _ᗜ_ _•́ )_ _ᕗ_

Taeyong blinked at “mountain man,” standing out as the only Korean in their chat. Of all terms for Yuta to pick up... It made him chuckle. 

Yuta was impressed with the amount of Japanese music Taeyong listens to. He didn’t expect to see acts like Unison Square Garden and Bump of Chicken on his list--acts that Yuta himself hardly listened to. Meanwhile Taeyong didn’t feel all too surprised to hear that Yuta enjoys One Ok Rock. He does too. But they bond more over their interest in TVXQ. 

The tone shifted a little when it came to hobbies. Taeyong didn’t feel ready to confess that his love of anime set him on the path to become a manga-ka, so he casually mentions drawing among other activities like playing games with Doyoung and cooking. On the other hand it seems like Yuta had a lot of hobbies previously but seems to only work and drink and dance with his friends when time allows it. While he didn’t seem too off put by the regularity of his routine in that moment, Taeyong can’t help but be reminded of their text chat a few weeks back. Yuta used the word “useless” and that hadn’t sat well with Taeyong since. He contemplated suggesting something else for Yuta to do but... It was his life, not Taeyong’s own. Even if nagging was in his nature it still felt better suited towards Doyoung and Jaehyun rather than the soulmate he still hadn’t met. Yet. _“Huh…”_ He wondered if Yuta would take kindly to his little habits--nagging, cleanliness… He tried to chase the worry away before it consumed him too much.

His class ended before Taeyong had the chance to ask Yuta anymore and he signed off with a quick thank you and a promise to catch up more if Yuta wasn’t too drunk that night. 

He wanted to join Doyoung in the library that evening but his uncle had been forced into overtime and needed someone to care for the kids. Taeyong rushed back, lamenting leaving his bike back home when his lungs started to burn and his sneakers (more fashion than function) started to chafe the backs of his ankles as he walked rapidly. He made it home just before Jaemin and Areum, and at the very least had rice prepping for the two before they started whining. 

He didn’t get to talk much to Yuta that night between cooking, tutoring, and his own tests to study for. The promise left upon the end of his last class quickly became an apology. Yuta seemed to have plans every night up until Friday anyway, but even though he didn’t really _need_ Taeyong’s company (and Taeyong was also bogged down with exams for the next few days so needed to keep focused) he couldn’t help feeling a little bad for his unavailability.

No, it was more than that. He felt bad because all he really wanted to do was talk to Yuta. And it shouldn’t matter that they couldn’t for a few days; they were still new to one another and owed each other nothing. To talk too much would seem weird and overbearing. Taeyong just had to keep himself convinced of that fact. After all, the last thing he wanted to do was scare Yuta away.

x

Yuta had never liked quiet nights. Even if they don’t end up at a bar Yuta tried to spend as many as seven out of seven days around Hansol or Ten, or, preferably, surrounded by both at once. When he couldn’t swing that, he’d try to sweet talk whatever fashion designer or photographer was available to take him out to drinks. Anything and everything to keep him out of his own head.

Tonight was one of those rare times when neither friend nor co-worker was at his disposal. Yuta thought about going out on his own but didn’t want to explain his situation to the granny at the udon place down the block. Plus it had become harder for Yuta to inconspicuously pass his time alone in public and he had absolutely no desire to deal with any fans, curious foreigners, or onlookers. Instead he settled himself atop his small bed, legs folded beneath him, and pretended to read the self-help book that Hansol gave him. He was distracted, unable to make it past three paragraphs, and considered playing games on his phone until something caught his eye. 

_‘Yuuuuuuta’_ appeared the message in dark ink, just at the crook of his elbow. 

_‘What is it? Why don’t you text me?’_ They hadn’t been communicating normally for too long but with a little bit of effort even Yuta could remember to tap out a message rather than cover himself in ink. 

_‘Phone too bright,”_ Taeyong’s handwriting was far less perfect than Yuta remembered it being. He was also mixing bits of Japanese and Korean to make incoherent sentences that Yuta was struggling to understand. He changed from his game app to his dictionary, plugging in the bits of Taeyong’s message he didn’t understand. “Oh…”

_‘Are you okay?’_

_‘I’m drunk www’_ Taeyong’s written laughter extended far down his skin and Yuta laughed. In the short time they’ve known each other, has his soulmate ever gotten drunk? Yuta got wasted nightly; had he just not noticed? 

_‘This seems unlike you. Getting drunk I mean. Is everything okay?’_

_‘I don’t understand....’_ Huddled in a corner, avoiding many of the other party goers after he lost sight of Doyoung, Taeyong was unable to easily access his dictionary. It made talking to Yuta harder; which made Taeyong’s life more difficult because all he felt like doing, in his flushed and hazy state, was talk to Yuta. 

Yuta tried to break down his Japanese into more palatable segments of attempted Korean which Taeyong ignored in favor of doodling. _‘Too hard,’_ he informed Yuta before starting on his palm, sketching out a pretty man with dark eyes, a sharp nose, and long hair. Beside it was an arrow connected to the word, _‘You.’_ Then he started on a semi-self-portrait on the back of his hand that was ruined when Doyoung snatched him out of his corner. “Wait, wait let me finish.” 

“You look ridiculous,” Doyoung rolled his eyes. “Drawing on yourself is a new one, hyung.” 

Taeyong got as far as his face, hair, and one eye (as well as a quick note of _‘be right back’_ ) before Doyoung replaced the Sharpie with another beer and dragged him to the dance floor. Taeyong liked dancing when given enough space to move his body. Grinding was not his thing, except maybe for when the heat was Doyoung’s and it contrasted the blasting AC of the apartment they were in. 

Yuta’s dark eyes trailed over the drawing. “Me?” He whispered under his breath, snapping a photo of his portrait before it was too late. No part of it really _looked_ like him, which Yuta would chalk up to Taeyong’s drunken state if it weren’t for the fact that the doodle was honestly breathtaking. Taeyong had a knack for drawing that Yuta hadn’t been expecting, despite him mentioning it was his hobby. Even with the fat tip of the Sharpie Taeyong managed sharp lines and light indications of shading. Yuta was impressed. He had another thought too...if Taeyong’s drawing was this good and yet so unlike how Yuta actually looked then maybe he still didn’t know who Yuta was. There was comfort in the idea. Even if they were destined for one another Yuta couldn’t help worrying about what his soulmate would think when he saw him; an irrational fear that Taeyong may feel something towards Yuta’s appearance as strongly as Yuta felt towards himself. Or may value his appearance over the rest of who he was. Two dark demons forever trapped in the back of his mind.

He heaved a sigh, shaking out his dark hair. Hansol’s book had said something about this… _“The best way to overcome fear is to address the fear itself.”_ Obvious, really. And yet Yuta was still too nervous to ask Taeyong to facetime him. Maybe he could offer the next best solution. Extending another arrow from Taeyong’s drawing he wrote, _‘Wow! Not close, though. Try Naver searching me ;)’_

He waited then, chest tight with air he kept forgetting to force through his lungs. Would Taeyong actually search him? And if he did was Yuta ready for the response? Did he just make a mistake? 

His last beer wound up discarded in the bathroom. Taeyong’s face pressed against the cool porcelain of the sink while his stomach finally cracked under the pressure of so much alcohol. 

It was Jaehyun who inevitably strong armed Taeyong back to his own house and Doyoung who helped him make his way inside through the window in order to avoid waking up his uncle and cousins. “Thank _god_ you’re nothing but skin and bone,” Doyoung huffed, propping a dizzy Taeyong up onto his bed. While Jaehyun grabbed a glass of water and a waste bin Doyoung stripped Taeyong down to his boxers and managed to wiggle him into a large t-shirt. “There you go...Jeez, you look insane with all that writing on your arm.”

Taeyong perked up at that, “Sharpie, please?” He asked, palm outstretched.

Doyoung scrunched his nose in response. “No way, you have to sleep.” So Taeyong faked falling asleep until his two friends had let themselves out (miraculously graceful considering the amount of alcohol they had consumed as well). It took him a little too long to find a fine-tipped marker in his desk drawer and to make up for lost time Taeyong quickly scrawled out _‘You awake?’_

 _‘Yeah,’_ Yuta took his time in his reply, pretending he hadn’t been waiting for Taeyong’s return. 

_‘I wish you could write in Korean,’_ Taeyong returned in sloppy Japanese. 

_‘Same,’_ Yuta chuckled to himself as he wrote out the hangul. 

_‘I wish we could meet, I miss you. I feel so--’_ Taeyong stopped mid-sentence, now realizing that he didn’t have much space left on his arm. His shaky legs couldn’t take him to the bathroom so he used the glass of water Jaehyun let and his just worn shirt to scrub the ink away. 

Yuta watched it all smear across his own skin and tried with all his might to translate the message Taeyong had started in Japanese before it was too late. He didn’t make it far. 

_‘Everything okay?’_

_‘Naver search you? Ok I will.’_

Yuta’s eyes widened and he waited stiffly as Taeyong unlocked his phone, opened up his browser, and typed in “Nakamoto Yuta” with as few typos as he could manage.

“Wow…” Taeyong rubbed at his eyes, hoping to work away how averse they were to the brightness in order to get a better look at the photos before him. Yuta was...Far beyond anything Taeyong had imagined. And the more he looked the more articles he uncovered about “Nakamoto Yuta, the new up and coming face of fashion.” He could feel his cheeks growing warm, face flushed and heart fluttering because _wow,_ Yuta was stunning. His mind started racing a mile a minute with the sheer want to just _draw_ Yuta; the actual Yuta.

 _‘You’re beautiful,’_ He started on the top of his arm. Then on the inside he added, _‘I’ll draw you better next time, I promise.’_

Taeyong’s response didn’t stem Yuta’s fears but, for what it was all worth, they didn’t enhance them either. Beautiful was a word he heard a lot, but somehow from Taeyong it felt less final-- less like beautiful was all Yuta was and nothing more. But he couldn’t make out the second half of his soulmate’s message and struggled between deciphering Taeyong’s messy handwriting and plugging the characters into his translator. By the time he got it, cheeks red from Taeyong’s uniquely sweet promise and a stuttered, _‘I’ll hold you to it,’_ the other male had already passed out. 

That next morning Taeyong woke up earlier than intended with a foggy head and an upset stomach. He rolled over to dry heave a few times into the wastebin then flopped back on his bed. He smelled awful. Taeyong typically showered at night to avoid bringing the day’s germs into bed with him. Alas, he could hardly remember how he got home so any hopes that he got clean went out the window. He smelled terrible… But he still didn’t feel ready to move yet. Running his palms over his eyes Taeyong caught sight of black patches over his skin (and now smudged down his face). Despite a poor attempt at being washed off Taeyong could make the drawing out vaguely. This was Yuta. “Oh,” he breathed, suddenly realizing just how much of a mess his arm was from the night before. Haphazardly washed off pen marks colored him from elbow to fingertip. His cheeks started to warm in embarrassment, especially when the only sentence he could really make out was his artistic promise to Yuta (after calling him beautiful, oh _God_ , sober Taeyong didn’t even quite member what Yuta looked like) and a reply. He snatched up his phone and tapped out a message as quickly as he could in panicked Japanese.

_TY_Track: I’m so so so sorry for last night. I don’t usually lose composure like that so please don’t think differently of me. It was just a night with some friends gone crazy._

To his surprise Yuta was already awake.

_NaYut: It’s ok:)_ _  
NaYut: You’re very cute~~_

Taeyong’s cheeks burned red. 

_TY_Track: I am not._ __  
NaYut: Sure, whatever you say~ I still want to see that drawing. Don’t make me wait long okay~? __  
NaYut: :)

A drawing… Taeyong looked at the ruined doodle on his hand and then back to his phone. His search history still contained articles and images related to Nakamoto Yuta so Taeyong was quickly reminded that, yes, his soulmate was a famous model and _yes,_ he was incredibly attractive. And Taeyong still really wanted to draw him.

He used that as motivation to shower and make it as far as his kitchen to grab some water and a snack. His uncle was out with the younger children doing their usual Saturday activities so Taeyong revelled in the silence as per usual. In a few hours he’d start dinner for them, but for now he had a promise to fulfil.

 _NaYut: You’ve been quiet all day. Are you working on my drawing??_ __  
NaYut: How is it coming? __  
NaYut: I wanna see! __  
NaYut: Pretty please?:)

Yuta’s messages arrived about two hours into Taeyong’s attempt. He had three discarded sketches, all seemingly inaccurate for how his mind wanted him to portray the other male. None of them were worth revealing. 

_TY_Track: I’m still trying…_

That was a mistake. Taeyong had opened the floodgates; Yuta spamming him with _“Let me see!”_ in different variations of texts. He didn’t know it was Yuta’s way of coping with his insecurity; that the other male was so concerned about what Taeyong thought of his appearance it was driving him insane. He was convinced that there was no other way for him to know how Taeyong saw him other than this drawing. All of those questions: _Will he like me for more than my looks? Is he disappointed? Will he discount the rest of me?_ That plagued him incessantly crept around the corners of his mind. And sure they were soulmates, but that didn’t exactly mean Taeyong was beyond all the others; didn’t mean he’d act any differently. Yuta just wanted to know for sure…

_TY_Track: I’ll work on it all night so just wait okay?_ _  
TY_Track: ^^_

_NaYut: Ah must be nice to have all that free time!_

Taeyong’s pencil stilled and his lips drew into a line.

_TY_Track: What do you mean?_ _  
NaYut: Well you don’t work, right? Must be nice to have a lot of time to relax and draw or see your friends_

Taeyong felt a lot of things in that moment. There was a lingering note of logic telling him that Yuta was just making conversation, didn’t know what it was like to be a student or the time it left him available with; more importantly he didn’t know about Taeyong’s endless struggle to find work. He hated being so reliant on his uncle for everything. He wanted to earn his keep, start supporting himself, be less of a burden. He’d tried. And Yuta didn’t know that. But maybe Yuta didn’t need to know that. 

_TY_Track: Yeah._ _  
TY_Track: I forgot I have to do something. Talk to you later._

He shoved the sketches to the side and switched his phone to silent, abandoning it in the middle of his desk as he went to prepare dinner. He had a lot he had to do even if he wasn’t working, he convinced himself. His thoughts were poison; comparing where he didn’t need to, justifying himself to no one. He grit his teeth, trying to pour his attention in the meal rather than on what he’d just run away from, even though his number one rule was never to cook your negativity into your food.

“It’s kind of salty,” his uncle hummed around a mouthful of soup about an hour later. Taeyong bowed his head in apology and tried not to think of it as another thing done wrong. At least his cousins didn’t seem to mind since the soup was accompanied by their favorite side dishes. 

That night he ignored his desk and every unfinished sketch on it, in favor of reading one of his favorite chapters from his favorite manga. He purchased an entire completed set to practice his Japanese, but was so familiar already that he hardly had to read the words to recall exactly what was happening. Still, it was nice to sit down with the story that set him down this crazy artistic path and towards his dreams of creating comics. He proceeded to read through five chapters before the bright screen of his phone caught his attention. Doyoung was calling.

“Hello?”

“You’re alive!”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t you ‘Yeah’ me, I’ve been trying to reach you for twenty minutes!”

“Oh. Sorry, I had my phone on silent. What’s up?”

“I don’t understand our business reading… I was hoping you’d explain it to me.”

“Doyoung, it’s already 9PM.”

“I’ll buy you dessert.”

Taeyong paused, so Doyoung took the opportunity to land his final blow. “You know I’ve already convinced you. Come meet me at the cafe!”

“Only because uncle doesn’t keep sweets around the house,” Taeyong muttered under his breath. But secretly he was thrilled at the prospect of free dessert. “Be there in fifteen.”

Hanging up his phone he noticed all of the missed messages Doyoung had left. Progressing from _‘Helppppppp me!’_ to _‘Are you dead? Where are you!!’_

But in the mix of it all was one message from Yuta:

_NaYut: Is everything okay? Did I do something?_

Taeyong contemplated replying but found himself at a loss. What could he even say to justify himself? What did he even want to say to Yuta right now? The answer was nothing. Besides, Doyoung didn’t like when Taeyong split his focus and he needed help with their homework. His friend had to come first.

“I’m heading out,” Taeyong called to his uncle, swinging his textbook filled backpack over his shoulder. “I’ll be back later.”

“Where are you going?” His uncle peered over the top of his cousin’s head to address him.

“Doyoung needs help with homework. It’s for our business class,” He tossed that second line in hoping to earn a little more of his uncle’s favor. It worked. His uncle beamed proudly back at him.

“Good for you. No better way to learn than to teach someone else. And it seems like the classes you’re taking will prime you pretty well to take over my place in the company.” 

Taeyong’s lips forced their way into a smile and he nodded once. 

“Don’t make too much noise when you come home.” With that blessing, Taeyong left to grab his bike from the back of his house and head out. 

One day he’d tell his uncle that business in real estate wasn’t his calling.

He spent that night eating pastries and helping Doyoung work his way through some textbook problems. The next day he focused exclusively on classes, meeting with Jaehyun and Doyoung afterwards for dinner. And the following he found himself tutoring his cousin before sitting down to study for yet another Japanese exam. He stomach twisted at the thought, no longer limited to general anxiety over the subject but now with the gripping reminder that he hadn’t spoken to Yuta for half the week without explanation. He really owed him an apology. He also could really use his help studying.

“Aish...Stupid,” He said under his breath, spreading out his lessons’ worksheets across the desk, “You can’t just use him like that.” 

Plugging in his headphone, Taeyong tried to push forward in his studying but couldn’t help pausing at each TVXQ song popping up on his Japanese music playlist. Fuck, they had only known each other for a month at best and he was feeling so _affected_. Soulmate or not, these heavy emotions were going to eat him alive if he continued acting so stubborn. With a huff he reached for his phone, flipping open to his Line app where he was met with a just received message from Yuta.

_NaYut: Can we talk? I can video chat now if you’re free._

Taeyong’s mouth went dry. Unaware of the way he habitually bit into his bottom lip when nervous, he read the message over and over again trying to consider his options. He needed to talk to Yuta. It was talk to him or ignore him (and the Fate’s) forever, which was a really drastic overreaction to a miscommunication. But Taeyong was the type. He’d ignore a problem until it was too awkward to address and then run as far away as possible. 

Though he shouldn’t run away from Yuta…

 _“Sorry_ _yeah_ _I’d”_ he started writing and then erased immediately. He wasn’t really ready to address his mistake yet.

 _TY_Track: I have to study for an exam._ __  
NaYut: I’ll keep it quick __  
NaYut: Just 5 minutes please? __  
NaYut: I just want to make sure you’re okay

So Yuta wasn’t even mad? That seemed impossible after the way Taeyong slighted him. 

_NaYut is typing..._

He swallowed hard, growing more and more nervous the longer it took Yuta to reply back. Before the message was completed Taeyong held his breath and shot back,

_TY_Track: Okay. Five minutes is okay._

Taeyong pulled his laptop front and center of his desk, nervously chewing on his nails until the notification popped up on his screen. 

The first thing he noticed was how utterly beautiful Yuta was. With a long face, pouty lips, and large eyes that were only enhanced by the makeup remaining from a shoot earlier that day Taeyong was entranced. The pictures on Naver didn’t do him justice. The second was how he wasn’t prepared at all to speak in unpracticed Japanese. Third was that he caused his finger to bleed and then after all of that he remembered that he had both been mad at Yuta and regretful of his own response, leaving him with all sorts of strange knots in his stomach.

Likewise, Yuta was first taken with Taeyong’s surprising looks. Maybe he had a particular bias having almost exclusively model friends, but when Taeyong said he was a student Yuta hadn’t thought much of how his appearance would be. His lips parted in awe. Even with the dark circles under his tired eyes and the lack of makeup Taeyong struck Yuta in a way that most in his industry never had.

“You’re beautiful,” they both whispered in the other’s language. Then Yuta’s lips cracked into the brightest smile Taeyong had ever seen and he felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

“N-no,” He stuttered in Japanese. “I’m not. I don’t want to be.”

“Why?” Yuta asked with a tilt of his head.

“I...It’s because…” He swiped his tongue over his lips and looked away. He’d never needed to talk about his complexes in Japanese class before. Hell, he wouldn’t even know the word for “complex” if it weren’t borrowed from English and shared between their languages. 

Yuta chuckled. “You can speak in Korean,” he said gently, in clear Korean.

“W-what?” Taeyong’s eyes widened. They texted almost exclusively in Japanese. Saying he was confused would be an understatement.

“Ah, my friend Hansol taught me how to speak over the years so I’m pretty okay. I just don’t know how to write,” There was that pretty smile again. “If it’s easier you can speak in Korean. I make you write in Japanese all the time. It’s only fair.”

Taeyong nodded slowly, still wrapping his mind around this development. “Ah well…”

“So…” Now Yuta was starting to look more like how Taeyong felt; the low gaze and the lip bite giving away his own uncertainty. “What did I do exactly?”

“It wasn’t...you...totally,” Taeyong heaved a frustrated sigh. Raising a hand to ruffle his own hair he continued, “I’m sorry. I just… Working is a sensitive subject. But I should’ve told you rather than ignoring you for three days.” 

“Two days,” Yuta corrected.

“Right. Two days.”

“I wish you said something. I felt bad but I didn’t know what I did.”

“It’s stupid,” Taeyong huffed, returning to his nail biting habit until he caught sight of himself in the corner of their video call and immediately stopped. He jabbed his cuticle against his pant leg to stem the bleeding. “I shouldn’t have been so stupid.”

“What is it about working?”

“It’s hard for me to keep a job.”

Yuta tilted his head and damn, Taeyong thought it was incredibly cute how puppy-like Yuta looked. Taeyong always had a soft spot for dogs…

“I’m either harassed or stalked by insane girls. No one ever wants to keep me around too long, or the people that do are just exploiting me for their business. For my looks to bring in money or attention or something. It’s too much of a headache.” 

As the words floated between them Taeyong wondered why he didn’t think that Yuta would understand. The other was a model. But maybe that meant Yuta wouldn’t get it at all, being in an industry where good looks are everything but a hindrance. 

“I understand,” Yuta replied after a second, a soft and empathetic expression on his face. “Sorry, that’s rough. I guess I just thought that as a student you had it made.”

Taeyong’s lips cracked into a sad smile and he shook his head, “Sorta.”

“Well, I’ll be more careful. And you tell me when I say stupid things. Hansol and Ten do it all the time and they’re not even my soulmate.”

There was something in the cheesy-ness of his words and the gentleness of his face that made Taeyong’s heart do backflips. Yuta was genuine and Taeyong couldn’t ask for more in a person he was destined to be with.

“Thanks.”

“Oh, I should let you study huh?”

“Oh...maybe…” Taeyong didn’t want to go. The timer in the corner of their chat said 15 minutes and that just didn’t feel like enough. His sense of morals and responsibility, however, spoke louder than his emotional wants.

“What’re you studying for?”

“Japanese.”

“What? Why didn’t you say so?” Yuta slipped back into his native tongue. “Let me help you.” 

“Ah, no…. It’s okay, I can do it on my own,” Taeyong replied in shyly back, trying his hand at speaking Japanese again. It wasn’t that he was bad, just timid. The worst problem to have.

“But I want to help you! Let’s do it together.”

Yuta eventually begged enough and Taeyong caved, sending photos of his previous assignments over so Yuta could quiz him. The worked together until 2AM, when Taeyong was nearly falling asleep over his papers and Yuta had to call it quits for an early morning shoot.

“Ganbatte!” He beamed, despite being tired. “Let me know how it goes tomorrow.”

“I will,” Taeyong yawned but there was a smile lingering on his lips. He hadn’t had this much fun studying in a long while. “Hope you aren’t too tired for work tomorrow.”

“Please, Ten keeps me out drinking longer than this. This is nothing.”

“I’m amazed at your stamina…” Taeyong hid another yawn behind his hand and tried not to cringe at Yuta’s winking in response.

“Go to sleep,” Yuta chuckled. “It’s way past your bedtime.”

“Okay, okay. Good night,” He paused for moment, “Yukkuri.”

“Good night, Taeyonggie.” 

Taeyong blushed and hastily shut the chat off, hands immediately falling over his chest. He tried to steady his breathing quickly so he could review one more thing and get to sleep but his mind was filled solely with thoughts of Yuta, captured on his screen in a way that he hoped would happen again. And soon. Because seeing Yuta here had Taeyong feeling inspired and all he wanted was to complete those half-finished sketches from the weekend. He needed to put Yuta down on paper somehow.

Although late, Taeyong ended up with a pencil in his hand and didn’t finish until he had at least one good set of portraits done. Finally something felt right with his work and he decided that after his exam he’d send it to Yuta as a thank you; feeling confident that the other would like them too.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to follow me on Twitter @ChibiKadaj for cute pics, ranting, and fic updates!


	3. Chapter 3

 

_TY_Track: Here you go_ _  
TY_Track sent an image_

Taeyong sent the photo of his sketch about mid-morning, when he knew Yuta would be fully immersed in a shoot and away from his phone, and then shut his own off until after his exam. It worked well enough to keep his mind focused _and_ gave him the reward of Yuta’s response once his school day was done. 

_NaYut: This is incredible!!!!_ _  
NaYut: What the heck_ __  
NaYut: You’re so talented

Taeyong’s cheeks flushed and Doyoung immediately started teasing him for it. 

_NaYut: You should be an artist_ _  
NaYut: Even better! A Manga-ka *-*_ __  
TY_Track: Funny you should say that…

“Hyung, pay attention to _me_ ,” Doyoung whined. “Stop talking to your boyfriend.”

“He’s _not_ my boyfriend.”

“Isn’t he though?” Jaehyun asked, eyes soft and voice genuine, despite knowing that he stepped into the middle of Doyoung’s sass. He set the tray of food between them: sandwiches for him and Doyoung, and a salad and chocolate coronet for Taeyong. 

“You know eating a salad doesn’t negate all of the desserts you eat all the time,” Doyoung muttered around a mouthful of tonkatsu sandwich. 

“Bite me,” Taeyong deadpanned back, poking into his meal. 

“So how _is_ the boyfriend?” Jaehyun chimed in. “I feel like you haven’t talked about him in a bit.”

“He’s not _my boyfriend_ I’m...ugh...it’s okay,” Taeyong shrugged a shoulder, “Not much to say.” Actually there was a lot but he didn’t like to say much around Doyoung since Yuta always seemed to rub him the wrong way. Taeyong got it. Or at least he thought he did, with Doyoung’s aversion to all things soulmate. Sometimes he got the vibe that he was jealous. But of what, Taeyong had no idea. 

Jaehyun smiled. “I’m glad things are going well. You seem a lot happier these days.” 

“He helps me a lot with my Japanese tests, it’s been a blessing,” Taeyong laughed, setting his salad aside for the dessert. 

“So when do you think you’re going to visit him?”

Doyoung let out a low whine, nearly choking on his bite. “Visit?” He and Taeyong said simultaneously. 

“Yeah?” Jaehyun looked between the two, surprised there was so much shock on his friends’ faces,.“It’s been a month or so, right? And we have a vacation coming up so why not?”

“I, uh, guess I didn’t think about that…It costs too much to fly though,” Taeyong glanced back down at his food. “I don’t have the money.”

“Isn’t he like a famous model?” Doyoung asked with only a hint of attitude in his tone. “Couldn’t he help you out?”

“I don’t want to ask.”

“You’re never going to see each other at this rate,” Jaehyun chuckled. 

“We will. I’m not too worried. There’s no rush either.” Not when Taeyong was planning to move there, but he didn’t like talking about that with his friends. He stole a glance to his phone, a waiting message from Yuta:

_NaYut: Why? Are you a manga-ka??_

“I’m excited for you two to meet.” Taeyong’s attention snapped back to the conversation at hand. Jaehyun was so genuine, and so supportive of his friends that sometimes Taeyong felt unworthy. He never asked for anything in return, even when he put money down for their meals. Taeyong tried to cook dinner for the other pair in their dorms at least twice a month, but even then it never felt equal. At least with Doyoung there was the high levels of sass that made Taeyong feel a little more balanced. 

His lips quirked into an awkward smile. “Thank you,” he replied, dipping his finger in the visible chocolate and licking it off to give his hands something to do with the little bit of anxiousness that coursed through him. He didn’t notice the way Doyoung started to sink into himself in his chair. “I am too.”

But Doyoung didn’t stay that way for long and soon it was as if nothing was off between them, after the conversation had shifted away from Yuta and towards the topic of their impending exams. And eventually they tore themselves away from each other and their meals to return back to class.

That night Taeyong set up his laptop for a video chat he was an hour late for, pushing back every 20 minutes with apologetic text messages sent Yuta’s way. Yuta was smiling regardless of the delay, greeting the Korean male with a cheery “ _Annyeong_ ” and a small wave. Taeyong’s cheeks flushed immediately. “How do you exist,” he muttered back, refusing to repeat himself when Yuta asked him what he said. 

Seeing Yuta ‘in front’ of him was inspirational. Taeyong pulled a sketchbook out to draw as they spoke about their days, hoping to maximize on these moments with his newfound muse. 

“What’re you doing?” Yuta asked, peering down as if he’d be able to see Taeyong’s work without Taeyong’s camera being adjusted. 

“Drawing,” Taeyong hummed.

“Oh, show me!” 

“When I’m done,” Taeyong glanced up, a glint in his eyes and a cheeky smirk on his lips.

Yuta sat back in his seat and pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. “You know you never answered me earlier.”

“Hm?”

“About being a manga-ka.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t just say ‘oh.’ Answer me!”

“Calm down, you’re on speaker,” Taeyong pointed to the lack of headphones in his ears. He was reveling in teasing Yuta, loving the way the other’s nose scrunched up when he started to get frustrated. He’d have to draw that next. “I want to be a manga-ka,” he finally gave in. “It’s why I’ve been studying Japanese but...I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know?” Yuta pressed, linking his fingers under his chin.

“We’ll see if I’m able to make it to Japan like I want to after school finishes,” he glanced around, knowing that the likelihood of his uncle or cousins overhearing was slim but worrying nonetheless. “My family doesn’t know that it’s what I want to do. I don’t think they’ll like it.” 

“No?”

“No. My uncle wants me to take over his business. We’ll see…” 

“You’re so good at drawing, you should do it!”

_‘Easier said than done,’_ Taeyong thought, but Yuta’s conviction was quite cute. Taeyong didn’t want to shut it down.

“Have you ever been to Japan?” Yuta asked. 

“Once with my mom and dad when I was really young but not since.” 

“You should come!” The way Yuta perked up made him seem incredibly puppylike. “Come visit, I can show you around. If we plan it right I can take you to Osaka,” he smiled so brightly, “I’d like that a lot.”

“Ah. Me too,” Taeyong felt a little exasperated at the thought. They’d known each other for a month maybe? Was it too soon? But they were soulmates. So did “soon” even matter? And it wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about this for a bit now. “I was actually talking to my friends about this earlier.”

“Yeah? You wanna come?”

“I...do. I’d like to if I could.”

“Let’s plan something!” 

“I don’t have a lot of money right now to plan a trip. But maybe I can try to do something.”

“What if I came to Korea?”

Taeyong cocked a brow before returning his focus back to his sketch. The best way to hide his nerves at the thought of them _actually meeting._ “I don’t know where you’d stay.”

“We can figure it out. I know Hansol wanted to visit his family. Maybe I can tag along.”

Yuta had solutions for everything. Taeyong shook his head, eyes still down so he missed the cocky raise of Yuta’s shot glass towards the camera. He was sipping on his sake tonight, something he always seemed to have no matter when they skyped. “We’ll see…” Taeyong’s voice trailed off. “Hey, here.” He held his sketchbook up, adjusting the camera to focus on a quick front facing bust shot of Yuta smiling, fingers tucking his hair behind his ears. It was a habit Taeyong noticed Yuta would do whenever he was flustered. Since Taeyong liked teasing him Yuta so much, he got to see this action fairly often. “What do you think?”

“Why are you so good at this?” Yuta’s awe made Taeyong blush.

“Years of practice.” 

“I want that one.” 

“I’ll message it to you. And…you can come pick it up when you visit Korea.” 

“Makes me want to come even faster,” Yuta cooed and it sent a near visible shiver through Taeyong. No wonder he was popular… He’d been avoiding reading and watching Yuta’s interviews partially out of respect for Yuta’s peculiarity about his career identity and his personal self, but also because Taeyong himself wasn’t sure he was ready to see Yuta acting flirty with interviewers and fans. Sometimes he thought it was jealousy; despite his inability to pinpoint exactly what emotions he had towards their relationship. Other times he worried he’d be ambivalent. Unsure of which was worse, he knew that it’d make him uncomfortable regardless..

A buzzing from his bed saved him from having to reply to that and he caught up to his phone just as the call ended.

“Who’s that?” Yuta asked with a tilt of his head.

Taeyong received a message a beat after.

_EnergizeDy: I need ur help w an assignment_ _  
EnergizeDy: r u ignoring me?_ _  
EnergizeDy: r u talking to Him_ __  
EnergizeDy: Is that y

Taeyong breathed a sigh and pinched at the bridge of his nose. It was already so hard to tell what Doyoung was thinking through his text messages. Adding in the layer that he took everything related to Yuta as a personal attack, Taeyong felt a bit at a loss. 

_TY_Track: Sorry, didn’t mean to miss your call_

“What’s wrong?” Yuta asked, taking another sip of sake.

_EnergizeDy: can u help me with tmr hw_ _  
TY_Track: I’m a little busy, sorry_

It hurt him to say no to his friend but he really didn’t want to cut his video call short. They’d already started late because of his family obligations and he just wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Yuta yet. It was nice when he didn’t have to focus his energy into sentence structure, when he could just draw freely chat with someone who felt like a childhood friend. But should he neglect an actual childhood friend for it?

“Hello,” Yuta’s voice cut in, confusion and concern pouring through his tone. “What’s going on?”

_EnergizeDy: hyung pls_ _  
EnergizeDy: wht r u doing?_

Taeyong sighed again, biting at his nails when Yuta tried to get his attention again. “Sorry,” he snipped quickly then caught himself, his eyes going a little wide and his tone apologetic. “Sorry, sorry. Everything’s fine.”

“Want to talk about it?” 

Taeyong looked from his phone back up to Yuta. Did he? He tried to be open but not overbearing. Yuta didn’t need to hear about Taeyong’s problems with his friends. “It’s okay,” but he was still biting at his nails and looking with drawn brows at his phone. 

“Is it okay? What’s happening?”

“I…” He set his phone down next to the sketchbook, “My friend doesn’t really like our…” 

He paused. What were they exactly? They had a relationship with one another but were not In A Relationship. Taeyong couldn’t quite think of the right word so he just motioned vaguely between the two of them. “He thinks soulmates are stupid and I understand but I don’t agree.” 

Yuta’s lips parted but Taeyong hurried forward before he could continue this part of the conversation. “So he needs help with homework but I don’t want to leave. And I feel bad about it.”

“Why don’t you go? I don’t mind. We can talk later.” There was that smile. It made Taeyong blush.

“I don’t want to…” Taeyong said softly. “I’d rather talk to you.”

The low lighting in Yuta’s apartment made it hard to tell but Taeyong couldn’t help but think the other was blushing. 

“Want me to beat him up?” He asked with a bright grin and a loud laugh, flexing a muscle in video frame. “I’m a mountain man after all!”

“What? No! No no no,” Taeyong, startled, held his hands up but started laughing along with Yuta too. “Don’t do that. Just...listen.” 

“Okay, I’m listening.” 

Yuta’s gentleness surprised Taeyong even more than his faux-aggressive schtick. “Thank you. Just... I just feel bad, but I think I want to take tonight for myself.”

“Tell him that?” Yuta suggested. “He’s your friend, he’ll understand. I’m never that nice to Ten and he always gets annoyed when I can’t manage the energy to hang out.” 

Taeyong sighed, nodded, then, before he could think too hard on it and triple guess himself, sent a message:

_TY_Track: Sorry. I can help you in an hour? Or I’ll look over your work tomorrow. I just can’t right now._

In a panic he switched his phone to silent and tossed it onto his bed. Yuta clocked him for it instantly. “Was that what you did to me that night I upset you?”

“W-What? No- I-... I mean...”

“Gotcha,” Yuta winked, finger guns at the ready and it was so cheesy Taeyong, hoping to seem less sheepish about it, very visibly rolled his eyes. 

Yuta was playing, but he found himself with some discomfort at Taeyong’s closest friend feeling against their relationship--however one may define it. He didn’t enjoy competition; while he didn’t necessarily think that he _was_ in competition for Taeyong’s affection just the fact that someone else did made him wary. He wondered if he’d be good enough. Just because fate dictated their pairing hardly meant they _were_ right for one another. Taeyong’s friend Doyoung wasn’t really off the mark on his concerns there. He also wondered what Taeyong’s affections were like. The other male seemed so put together whenever they spoke, barring that one night when he drank himself silly, that it was hard for Yuta to tell what was real and what may be an act. 

It had Yuta worried. If he wasn’t the right one, would he even know? Or would he be selfish enough to take Taeyong away from the people who should probably mean more than he, himself?

“I try not to… You know. Do that too often. I don’t like ignoring my friends but he’s just been very, I don’t know, annoying? About it all. We used to talk about everything and now that I can’t bring you up it feels awkward. I don’t like it,” Taeyong continued before Yuta could spiral down much further into his thoughts. “If we weren’t chatting I’d have biked to his dorm but tonight I really would rather talk to you.” 

“Well, I’m here! Let’s talk. What makes him so against the whole thing? My friends aren’t soulmate fanatics but I don’t know anyone that dislikes the idea.”

“It’s a family thing. I don’t blame him… His parents weren’t good matches for each other.” That struck a bad chord with Yuta. He hadn’t chased away those _“What if I’m not good enough”_ thoughts far enough away; now they had more food to feed on. With Taeyong’s attention still on his paper, Yuta took another shot. “I do understand but I just don’t agree with him anymore--”

“Anymore? Did you before?”

“Well, yes and no. I wasn’t as aggressive as he was, I just didn’t put a lot of stock into the idea.”

If Yuta were really as confident as he pretended to be he would’ve asked, _“Was it your flawless soulmate who changed your mind?”_ with a wiggle of his eyebrows. He’d tease and joke about his own greatness if he could. But he couldn’t find it in him to poke fun or exalt someone he truly didn’t find a lot of value in. Instead he said, “You know I didn’t put a lot of thought into it either before. I just thought it was another broken part of me.” 

Taeyong tilted his head a bit. “Broken?” he asked back.

“Oh!” Yuta tried to backtrack quickly. “I didn’t mean broken like _broken_ , I just meant like one of those things that doesn’t work out.” 

Taeyong nodded, recalling one of their first text conversations when Yuta got drunk and talked about his concerns, about messing up his modeling career. “Well…” He started, tongue sliding over his bottom lip while he worked the words around in his head. It was a lot for someone as emotionally distant as he pretended to be. Yet it felt like there was no better moment to say what he wanted to. “I think it worked out really well. So I hope you feel the same way.” As soon as the words left his mouth he found himself tensing his shoulders and shaking out his hands to remove the cringe from his body. “Too much,” he laughed. “Too much. Jaehyun teases that I’ll never be able to write shoujo manga and he’s right.” 

“I do!” Yuta blurted out, momentarily being stunned by Taeyong’s confession. “I mean, it’s been nice to get to know you. I like talking a lot, even if we haven’t met each other yet I feel like you’ve become a really important part of my life. But…” A pause, “Your friend is right, you’ll be awful at shoujo.” 

Taeyong was certain his cheeks were bright red. He deflected the admittance of them both _liking_ each other or whatever that was by commenting, “What do you know about shoujo?”

“Not much, you’re right,” Yuta hummed. “I read more yaoi.”

“ _What!?_ ”

Yuta burst out laughing. “Kidding kidding. Oh man the look on your face is everything. Is it that weird? We’re both men, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, I just…” Taeyong cleared his throat, eyes downcast to voice facing how embarrassed he looked. “Didn’t expect you to be so upfront.”

Yuta’s giggling and teasing didn’t stop until their call ended thirty minutes later. “Hey, next time we talk let’s plan that trip okay?”

“Okay,” Taeyong’s lips split into a smile. “Next time. ‘Night.” 

Taeyong reconnected with a very pouty Doyoung immediately after. It was too late for him to visit so he offered up a video call in apology. His friend didn’t seem too pleased but wasn’t upset enough to not take Taeyong on the offer. “Do you always talk this late?” he asked curtly.

“Huh? Yuta and I? We don’t talk much at all.”

“Okay,” Doyoung shuffled something in front of him and then Taeyong heard the clunk of the textbook book onto his desk. “So page 108…”

In between walking Doyoung through the problem sets, Taeyong started sketching out an idea that popped into his head. He didn’t need to do much work to help his friend, anyway. Doyoung was smart just unsure. Unlike Taeyong, and Taeyong’s uncle’s hopes for him, Doyoung actually had a passion for business. He just had a bit of a perfectionist complex about it and needed moral support. 

“You’re ignoring me,” Doyoung whined.

“I’m _not!_ I’m helping you. Doyoung, you’re good at this stuff. You’re ranked top 2 in our class, just relax,” he shot him a smile, received a shy smile back, then went back to his storyboard. 

“Am I missing anything else?” 

He set his pencil down and looked back to his friend. “I don’t think so. Actually I think I need to re-do some of my problems after hearing your answers…”

“But you won’t,” Doyoung rolled his eyes and Taeyong smirked.

“Nope.”

“Okay, well thanks for your help. Sorry I kept you up so late.”

“Sorry I made you wait so long,” Taeyong meant it, and he hoped Doyoung would feel his sincerity. “See you tomorrow?”

“Always.” 

Taeyong clicked camera off and shut his laptop, taking the next thirty minutes to finish his drawing.

_TY_Track: Hey_ _  
NaYut: You’re still awake?_ _  
TY_Track: Helped Doyoung out_ __  
NaYut: You’re a good friend^^

Taeyong blushed.

_TY_Track: Thanks_ _  
TY_Track: Hey…_ _  
TY_Track sent two photos._ __  
TY_Track: Okay good night

x

“You’re getting really good,” Jaehyun beamed, looking over Taeyong’s two page comic when he shyly slid it across the table a few weeks after he’d initially sketched it. “You did this all in a night?”

“It’s not much,” Taeyong replied sheepishly. “Two pages in an hour and a half is pretty slow but I’m getting there. I’ve been practicing over the last week to get a little faster.”

“Is there more of this?” 

Taeyong shook his head, “No.”

“So this is him I’m guessing?” Jaehyun pointed to the long haired, long faced, character in the school girl outfit. 

“How’d you know?” Taeyong laughed slightly, feeling his cheeks warm up already. “I told him your joke about shoujo manga when we were chatting and then kinda ran with the idea.”

“Maybe I’ll take it back.”

“Don’t, I don’t want to do shoujo.”

“Whatcha reading?” Doyoung popped over, peering over Jaehyun’s shoulder at Taeyong’s comic. Taeyong stiffened and considered, for a moment, snatching his phone back. But that would hurt Doyoung more than his friend seeing the silly sketches he’d done. 

“Looks nice,” Doyoung hummed, looking away quickly and taking a seat. “Not your usual style though. Not as into super heroes anymore?” 

“Thought I’d change it up,” Taeyong shrugged, hoping the subject would be dropped and Doyoung would lose his hard edge. 

“Seems like you’re changing a lot of things,” Doyoung continued. “Your art style, your availability, your priorities to your friends, you stance on soulmates.”

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun started softly, bringing a hand down on the other’s thigh to calm him down.

“What? I’m just saying what’s true. He didn’t join us for dinner the other night--”

“I had to tutor my cousin,” Taeyong interjected. His face was getting hot, heart racing because he hated having to defend himself but even more than that he _hated_ fighting with his friends, Doyoung especially.

“And he’s not joining us tonight to make up for it.”

Taeyong’s lips drew into a line. Tonight he had another video chat with Yuta. His soulmate had insisted yesterday night that they talk today and kept hinting at something important and exciting all throughout the day’s text messages. “Sorry,” Taeyong muttered, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, “It seems important, he doesn’t want to wait.” _“He’s kind of impatient like that,”_ he thought about adding and then decided against it. Doyoung didn’t need more against Yuta. “I’ll make it up to you Thursday. I’ll bring all your favorite sweets and I’ll make spicy pork bulgolgi and--”

“Is it more important than your friends?” When Doyoung was mad his eyes would stick to the floor and his ears would change color as his voice grew louder. He didn’t have the best volume control when he wasn’t thinking about it. Now was one of those moments; his ears burned red. “Is he more important than us? Just because we’re not famous Japanese models are you over wasting your time with us?”

“Doyoung, it’s not a competition,” Taeyong bit back. “Just because I’m not 100% focused on you--which, I’ve always had to care for my family so it’s not as if things haven’t gotten in the way of our plans before--it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”

“What do you know about caring? You’re the coldest person in the whole university. Can your new boyfriend even warm that heart of yours?” 

“Hey!” 

“Hey,” Jaehyun put his hands between the two of them, Taeyong now on his feet and utterly fuming. “Calm down, okay? We can talk this out.”

“If I’d done something to you then fine, be mad at me. But don’t call me _cold_ and think that you’re the one being hurt here. And _don’t_ bring him into this like you know him. Sorry I’m actually into my soulmate,” Taeyong paused then. He hadn’t really considered where his actual feelings aligned in all this. He’d only thought that, well, Yuta was nice and they clicked well… But being ‘into’ him was much different and Taeyong licked over his bottom lip, refocusing himself. “Sorry I like who he is and the conversations we have. I was doing my best to balance it all but clearly if you can’t see it that way then there’s nothing I can do to convince you. Except drop him, which I won’t.” He snatched his phone from the table and gathered his books into his arms. Then, slinging his bag over his shoulder, he stormed out of the cafe before Doyoung could set him off further. 

Jaehyun, reassuring Doyoung that he’d help fix this and would (more importantly) be back to hear whatever else Doyoung wanted to say, took off after Taeyong. 

Taeyong hadn’t gotten too far, huffing his way over to a park nearby. Jaehyun caught him kicking at a rock while he paced between the trees, knuckles turning white from how tightly he was gripping the strap of his backpack. Always the type to keep his emotions tucked away into the deepest corners of his mind, Taeyong needed to be diffused or else he was primed to explode; Jaehyun was hoping to accomplish the task.

He startled Taeyong by placing a hand on his elbow and smoothly guided him to a bench before the other could protest too much.

“You know Doyoung didn’t mean what he said, right?”

“He still said it,” Taeyong replied sharply, bringing the nail of his right thumb between his teeth, “And he didn’t need to bring Yuta into this.”

“I know, and he shouldn’t have,” Jaehyun agreed. He rested his hand on Taeyong’s leg and pat it gently. “For what it’s worth I’m not upset over anything. I think you’ve done a good job balancing everything.”

“It doesn’t matter that Doyoung doesn’t recognize it but it’s not my fault that he can’t get over himself on this soulmate thing. I didn’t choose this but I’m not going to ignore it. He shouldn’t expect me to.”

“Doyoung… Has a lot to work through. A lot more than just his soulmate complex.”

Taeyong rolled his eyes, “Then why won’t he just _talk_ to me about it? I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

At that Jaehyun smiled slightly, “Some things aren’t that easy. But I bet he’ll come around soon. Give him some time?”

“He has all the time he could want. Until he apologizes to me I’m not going to bother him.” 

Jaehyun’s hand moved from Taeyong’s thigh to the crook of his elbow, gently pulling his hand back down into his lap and away from his nervous habit. “I’ll make sure he comes around soon.”

“That’s not _your_ job. Not if he doesn’t want to.”

“I’m sure he already feels awful for it and is trying to come up with ways to apologize. We both know he’s like that. Remember when he broke Taeil’s toy guitar in elementary school and rattled off five different explanations and apologies before Taeil could even tell him it wasn’t a problem at all?”

Taeyong let out a small laugh. He remembered watching Taeil’s attempts to quiet Doyoung for five seconds and how their young friend just when on and on about what he’d do to make up for it until finally Taeil’s palm slipped over Doyoung’s lips so he could tell him it was alright. Speaking of, he hadn’t heard from Taeil since his moved to Busan post-graduation. He made a mental note to reach out later. 

With a sigh, Taeyong’s shoulders lost their stiffness and he glanced to the ground. “You don’t think I’m cold, do you?” He asked Jaehyun after a moment. “Do other people think I’m that cold?” Did Yuta think he was cold?

“Hyung, you’re _not_ cold. Calm and collected, yeah, but not cold. If you were Doyoung wouldn’t be able to bribe you with sweets in return for homework help.”

“I guess…”

“You guess? Well, I _know_ that that’s the case,” Jaehyun insisted. “And he’ll tell you he didn’t mean it whenever you’re ready to talk to him. Trust me.”

“I do, Jaehyun… You know I do.” People may think that Taeyong was calm but really he was nothing without Jaehyun. His friend was unshakable-- always so sturdy and supportive. Taeyong might look calm on the outside but it was only to mask the whirlwind of uncertainty that filled him at any given moment. Taeyong would always treat Jaehyun’s word as law, since it never led him astray. “You’re going to talk to him after this, right?”

Jaehyun nodded.

“Alright. Just… Mention I need some time I guess. Just a little bit, and that I’ll need an apology for me and Yuta, but that I’m not going to be mad forever. I don’t want him to worry that I hate him or anything.”

He was met with a bright smile that made his cheeks tint a bit in embarrassment that there was even a fight to begin with, despite still feeling a little heated. “I’ll tell him, don’t worry. It’ll be okay.”

“I know,” Taeyong fished his phone from his pocket to check the time. “I should probably get home.”

“Have fun on your call. Let me know what big exciting news he has planned for you, yeah?” Jaehyun stood as Taeyong did and helped him gather his books. 

“I will. Thanks again, Jaehyunnie. I’ll cook your favorite meal later this week.”

“I’ll hold you to that!” His friend beamed. “Now I need to make sure Doyoung hasn’t torn the cafe up. I’ll message you tonight!” He took off first, back towards where they’d both come from while Taeyong started down the path home. 

That night Yuta practically bounded towards his computer, a bright grin on his face and no inclination to drink on his mind. He had been dying to tell Taeyong since he and Hansol came up with the idea, but it was Hansol who told him not to do anything until they confirmed time off of work and bought their tickets. Now, with his flight confirmation to Incheon on his phone and his passport next to his laptop, he just needed Taeyong to pop up online so he could share the good news. They’d finally get to _meet each other_ ; Yuta couldn’t contain his excitement.

It was 8:05PM and they agreed to meet at 8. 

Taeyong was almost too punctual, and if he couldn’t be he always informed Yuta via text. He didn’t remember receiving any messages about postponing, but he checked his Line anyway to make sure. 

Nothing there… 

Taeyong still wasn’t online. But Yuta decided that maybe he was just loosening up. He didn’t need him to be on a strict schedule; he’d freed his whole night for Taeyong.

When it reached 9PM and he still hadn’t gotten an update Yuta grew a little worried.

_NaYut: Hey, you there?_ _  
NaYut: Are you still free to chat?_

Another thirty minutes passed.

_NaYut: (_ _๑_ _•_ _ ﹏ _ _•)_ _  
NaYut: Are you okay? Did something happen?_

Taeyong _was_ the type to shut people out when he was upset, after all.

_NaYut: Did I do something?_

He didn’t hear from Taeyong at all that night and, concerned that something had happened and whether or not it was his doing, Yuta found himself breaking open the bottle of sake he’d bought right before agreeing to go to Korea with Hansol. 

Yuta drank his way until partway through the night then shot one more message towards Taeyong.

_NaYut: I’m coming to Korea this weekend. I’d like to see you, okay?_

And before it felt too serious, as if he was betraying everything he was trying to hide, he added,

_NaYut: ^^_

 


	4. Chapter 4

Jaehyun and Doyoung were the first to show up at the hospital. Taeyong’s uncle had been called, but between handling the two children and finishing his tasks at work he wasn’t able to arrive in a comfortable time frame. So he sent Taeyong’s best friends over instead. The nurse told them it was an accident-- he’d been struck by a car while crossing when the light was in his favor. The driver, panicked and probably intoxicated despite it being a Monday night, sped away and no witnesses were able to get a good enough look at the offender’s license plate. At least there were witnesses to call an ambulance.

His friends cared much more about his well-being than apprehending a drunk driver. It was far too common anyway...and though Taeyong didn’t look too bad on the outside the doctor’s diagnosis wasn’t a great one: a dislocated left shoulder, three broken ribs, a broken collarbone, and worst of all he wasn’t waking up. Doyoung only felt grateful that his drawing hand didn’t seem to be affected by the impact. 

“When is he going to wake up?” Doyoung asked frantically, gripping the metal bar on the side of Taeyong’s bed.

“We’re keeping him monitored. Hopefully no more than a few days but we can’t tell for sure until we get his tests back.”

“And when’s that?” Doyoung’s voice was desperate, and it was Jaehyun who quickly told him to calm down, that things would be alright, before the nurse offered up an answer of 24 hours max. She excused herself before Jaehyun would let Doyoung ask any more questions and the oldest between them slumped sadly into a chair. “Maybe if I didn’t blow up at him he’d still be fine,” Doyoung sighed, burying his head in his hands. “Or maybe if he just came with us to  _ one dinner _ \---”

“Yah!” Jaehyun cut in. “Stop thinking that way. You know that he wasn’t mad at you when he left  _ and _ , more importantly, that if he heard you say that he would be mad about that.” 

“But it could’ve prevented this!”

“We don’t know that… All we can do is be there for him now.”

“What can we even do when he’s unconscious?” There were tears in Doyoung’s eyes now that he hardly bothered to hide, especially as he wiped away at them with the back of his hand.

Jaehyun lowered himself into a squat before Doyoung, angling himself so he could catch the other’s eye. “Talk to him about our days. Say really positive things so he wakes up to something good. You know, things like that?”

“And how do  _ you _ know so much about comas?”

Jaehyun smiled because that sass meant that Doyoung was already starting to feel more like himself. “I watch a lot of doctor dramas, it’s all in there.”

Doyoung rolled his eyes, “ _ Wow _ , what an expert.” 

“I can’t help that I’m good at everything,” Jaehyun teased, standing back up again. “I’m going to get something from the cafeteria, do you want anything?”

“Coffee?”

“I doubt they have caramel.”

“Then make it really sweet.”

Jaehyun nodded on his way out, leaving Doyoung alone with his unconscious best friend. He scooted the chair forward, resting his chin on his fists and his elbows on his thighs. 

“Hey,” He said softly. Awkwardly. He didn’t like talking to the nothingness. But then again, this wasn’t exactly  _ nothing _ ...Taeyong was right there he just couldn’t-- Doyoung had to swallow hard to keep himself from tearing up again. “Taeyong, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you I was just…” He huffed, “So jealous. Because you’ve always talked about going to Japan and now he’s in Japan, and I won’t be in Japan, and I just don’t want to see my best friend go so soon. But...that wasn’t fair, huh? And now I’m finally bearing my soul to you and you don’t even know it and I know I’ll  _ never _ be able to say these words to you again but--”

A buzzing from the bedside table cut him off. It was Taeyong’s phone, plugged in and only partially shattered from the impact. Doyoung didn’t like being nosy (all the time) but he couldn’t help glancing over. He and Jaehyun were here, Taeyong’s uncle was on his way, all that left was… 

__ NaYut: Hey^^  
__ NaYut: I know we didn’t chat yesterday are you free today>?  
_ NaYut: **??  
_ __ NaYut: I really want to tell you something!

Doyoung could only blink. He didn’t understand Japanese at all, so besides a small emoji and the question marks he was completely in the dark. But he was still staring. This infamous Yuta was on the other end of these messages and it made Doyoung’s shoulders feel tense. He just apologized and yet when he heard footsteps approaching he quickly cleared the notifications from Taeyong’s phone and looked up innocently when Jaehyun returned with their drinks.

“What’s up?” He asked, handing the other his coffee.

“Just his uncle saying he’d be in soon,” Doyoung returned the phone to the nightstand. 

“Ah… I hope he comes. I’m sure he and the children are worried.” 

Fortunately, for Doyoung and his lie, Taeyong’s uncle arrived not too long after, both cousins in tow. Two sets of tiny eyes widened and Areum immediately started wailing.

“He’s okay, he’s okay!” Doyoung said gently, kneeling down to her level, ignoring how he also felt about the same. “He’ll wake up soon, you just have to send him good thoughts.” He continued comforting the little girl and Jaehyun offered taking over Jaemin’s tutoring while their father went to speak to a nurse. 

x

“Any updates?” Hansol asked Yuta over dinner the night before their trip. “Do you even know where he lives?”

“He goes to school in Seoul,” Yuta offered with a forced smile. 

“There are a  _ lot _ of schools in and around Seoul, Yuta. What are you going to do? Hop between them?”

“Me? Do that?” Yuta tried to laugh though his throat tightened. It wasn’t an incorrect assessment. He was sure if he  _ tried _ he’d be able to find Taeyong.

“It’s weird that he hasn’t replied to you,” Hansol hummed, pouring them another shot each. Yuta nodded, trying to drown the nagging  _ ‘Maybe he doesn’t want to see you’ _ in his drink. “You guys were talking every day.”

“Do you really need to remind me?” There was an edge to Yuta’s voice when he handed his glass back to Hansol. “I’ve been trying to talk to him.”

“Did you tell him we’re coming?”

“Yeah, I texted him today.”

“So it’s not like he’s been avoiding seeing you...Maybe.”

“Yeah,” Yuta swallowed another drink and handed it back over. “Maybe.”

“Hey, well we’ll still have fun. I’ll take you to all my favorite spots. We’ll eat a ton.” Just the thought of food made Yuta’s stomach knot up. He glanced down to his untouched meal and tried not to dwell on how much he wanted to throw up everything he’d had over the day; even though it wasn’t much. “We’ll go to my favorite clubs,” Hansol continued. “It’ll be a nice getaway even if you can’t meet him this time. And we can always go back.”

“Ah...Yeah.” 

When they parted Yuta was decidedly drunk. And he never ate that meal which, thankfully, Hansol hadn’t noticed. Yuta fumbled his way up the stairs and dropped his phone outside of his apartment door. As soon as he made it in he flopped stomach first on his couch and groaned. He just  _ didn’t _ understand it. He didn’t know what he had done to turn Taeyong off. 

_ ‘Maybe he’s over you.’ _

_ ‘Maybe he got annoyed with you.’ _

_ ‘Maybe he was using you’’ _

_ ‘Maybe he never liked you in the first place.’ _

_ ‘Maybe he  _ **_hates_ ** _ you and you’ll never know.’ _

Yuta was crumbling under the weight of his own thoughts, and he was unsuccessful in his attempts to cope further after his sake bottle emptied with the second shot. He slumped to the floor, back against his refrigerator, with fingers rooted in his dark brown hair. He couldn’t take it. He’d only known Taeyong for a few months but the thought of disappointing (and losing) his soulmate was too much. It easily defeated his concern of losing his modeling career,but still manifested itself in the same dark habits. And now he was too out of alcohol to really indulge in any of that. 

Eventually he fished his now cracked phone from his pocket and pulled open Line. 

__ NaYut: please  
__ NaYut: tell me whatidid  
__ NaYut: I want to make it up to you  
__ NaYut: please  
__ NaYut: Taeyong please  
Yuta fell asleep on his kitchen floor before he could even start to hope for a reply back.

A knock at the door from Hansol woke him up that next morning and he struggled to get on his feet and to the door in any sort of presentable state.

“Jeez, how hungover are you?” His friend teased, slinging an arm around Yuta’s shoulder. Yuta forced a laugh, rubbing at his swollen eyes. His headache was from more than the alcohol but...Hansol didn’t need to know that. “I came because I had a feeling you weren’t packed yet,” Hansol continued, “We have a few hours before we have to get to the airport but I’d rather not rush.”

They were only going to be traveling for the long weekend but Yuta needed at least a few options per day; not to mention everything for the skincare routine that he neglected the other night. When he stepped out of his bathroom freshly showered and dragging a carry on suitcase Hansol (who had hardly filled his duffle bag) rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you.”

“Yes, you can,” Yuta grinned. 

On their way to the airport he find himself on his phone, refreshing his apps to no avail.

“Still nothing?” Hansol asked, peering over.

“I’m not looking for him,” Yuta retorted, quickly switching to a manga reader. 

“I don’t think you use Line for anything else these days,” Hansol snorted. 

“I’m not on Line,” Yuta shoved his chapter of  _ One Piece _ across the backseat of their cab and that was the end of their discussion. 

He tried to lose himself that first night in BBQ (a meal he did, miraculously, eat a lot of), soju, and a trip to Hansol’s favorite club. Tried to get himself drunk enough so that he didn’t care about the women hanging off his arms or the way strangers would grind against him. Hansol slipped in easily with the crowd and within a half hour Yuta lost track of him. He didn’t mind much. He felt better knowing that whatever demons lingered in his head weren’t going to affect his friend’s visit home. He just wasn’t sure where he wanted to slip off to for the rest of the night. The hotel was an option, but even Yuta wasn’t depressed enough to call it quits on a night out at midnight. 

In a whirlwind of bright lights and loud music Yuta inevitably ended up with his back against the wall and a body pressed firmly up against his own. Her lacquered nails scratched gently at his scalp, fingers dragging through his short hair and her lips steadily moving from his jaw to his own. When they kissed he felt panic shoot through his veins. This wasn’t right. She wasn’t the person who was supposed to be kissing him; even if Taeyong didn’t want to be that either, he couldn’t let  _ this _ carry on any further. With a hurried apology he nudged her away from him and rushed from the club. “God, I can’t do this,” he muttered to himself in hurried Japanese, trying to find the nearest place to hide. “I can’t be here, I need to go home.” His whole purpose for visiting was gone (and lord, did he hate himself for not being able to just  _ have fun _ with Hansol). 

Hansol found him with his head buried in his hands and an empty bottle of soju by his side outside the nearest convenience store. “Yuta…” He knelt down, brushing his friend’s bangs back to check his level of consciousness, “Sorry.. I shouldn’t have left you.” Yuta was passed out, makeup lines streaked down his cheeks and fuck, was Hansol really awkward with all of this interpersonal, emotional stuff. For the old Yuta Hansol would offer up a night of drinks and fooling around at one of their apartments, but since the soulmate arrived Yuta had become uninterested and Hansol was never one to push. Yuta’s bad moments had been pacified a bit, Taeyong proving to distract him well, so Hansol’s comfort was no longer a necessity. Their relationship had become healthier because of it but now… Hansol was at a loss to say the least.

He carried Yuta back to their hotel room, stripped him of his club clothes and fished his phone out to put it on the charger. Line was still open; nothing but a string of Yuta’s desperate messages from before their trip that hadn’t even been read. Hansol sighed, “Have some pride, man,” and grabbed a sharpie off the desk. Maybe if something happened to Taeyong’s phone, something that was keeping him from answering his messages, this could do the trick, Hansol reasoned as he started scrawling hangul across Yuta’s arm:  _ ‘I’m in Korea this weekend and would really like to see you. I’m worried, I haven’t heard from you in a few days. Please let me know where you are.’ _

x

When Doyoung walked into Taeyong’s hospital room that morning he was the first to see the message. Setting the pastry he’d brought Taeyong down (in case he woke up, something he’d done every day this week) he crept up close to read it. And he  _ could _ read it, unlike the string of text messages he’d been turning a blind eye to. Doyoung ran his fingers through his hair and let out a frustrated groan. He didn’t  _ want _ this, he wanted Taeyong to himself. Even if his feelings were never returned Doyoung wanted his best friend to at least remain by his side. Yuta was taking away everything--  _ ‘Well… no…’  _ A reasonable thought interjected, one that sounded strangely like Jaehyun’s voice,  _ ‘He was going to go anyway.’  _ And Yuta wasn’t the reason… Doyoung knew all of this. Doyoung knew but wanted to ignore it. Which...wasn’t fair to the person he kept calling his best friend; it wasn’t fair to his best friend’s soulmate either.

Taking a pen into his hand he wrote out the address of the hospital and a brief note:  _ ‘Taeyong was in an accident. He’s recovering here.’  _ Then he threw the pen away and paced around the room until Jaehyun arrived, catching him in the act. 

“What’s up?” He asked, setting a coffee down next to the pastry and sipping at his own.

“I think Mr. Soulmate might be coming…” Doyoung mumbled, looking anywhere but Jaehyun.

“Oh?” Jaehyun glanced to the writing on Taeyong’s arm.

“Yeah he’s been...texting a bit I think and was worried when he wasn’t receiving a reply. You know none of us have access to Taeyong’s phone and I don’t read Japanese so I really had no idea that he--”

“Take a breath,” Jaehyun chuckled, nudging Doyoung with his shoulder. He could see right through him. “So he’s coming?”

“Maybe. I just told him where we are.”

“Ah,” Jaehyun smiled. “Hey, I’m proud of you.”

Doyoung’s cheeks flushed, “Don’t be.”

“Not going to stop me.”

x

Yuta woke up before Hansol. His memory was blank between the time he stepped out of the club to now, meaning that Hansol probably dragged his ass back and he owed his friend a good meal as a thanks for losing his shit. Speaking of, Yuta felt like shit. His head pounded and his heart felt heavy in his chest. There was a layer of grime on his skin that he was sure would take more than one shower to scrub off, but he needed that shower all the same. Stripping his shirt off he noticed the semi-smeared sharpy in a handwriting that wasn’t his own. “Huh?” Korean? Had Hansol written on him? He tried to decipher the message when the line of text below (in yet another foreign handwriting) caught his eye. “H-Hansol!” He rushed over to him, palming his shoulder until his friend finally woke up. “I need you to translate this!”

“Christ, Yuta, do you even know what time it is?” It was almost noon, which was still on the early end for the both of them. Hansol rubbed his eyes and propped himself onto his elbow. “Hold still, will you? I can’t read with you  _ vibrating _ like this.”

“Sorry,” though he wasn’t. Yuta needed to know. 

“It’s...oh… Yuta, sit down.”   


“What?”

Hansol tugged him down onto his bed. “Taeyong was in an accident, that’s why he hasn’t been replying to you. Whoever wrote this included an address. I guess he’s recovering.”

Yuta’s eyes went wide and he nearly bolted out of their hotel room except that Hansol caught him and tugged him back. “At least shower first, you’re disgusting. I’ll look up how to get there.” Yuta begrudgingly complied. 

By the time he returned, dressed and a little more put together, Hansol was also ready with a list of directions on his phone. 

Yuta could hardly sit still during the subway ride across the city. Anticipating this, Hansol opted for the route that would allow them the most movement, rather than letting Yuta bounce off the walls of a cab. “Calm down or they’re never going to let you in,” he nudged Yuta with his elbow, burying his hands in the pockets of his varsity jacket. “Don’t forget he’s  _ recovering _ , he’s probably not ready for your full-on puppy self.”

“I’m  _ not _ a puppy,” Yuta protested. 

“Have you looked at yourself?” They paused for a moment to let the automatic doors open, then Hansol took the lead with the secretary. He bowed deeply, greeting her before asking about a “Lee Taeyong-ssi.” Yuta stood a few steps away, feeling his chest swell with gratitude. Hansol didn’t need to be spending his time home at a hospital, or dealing with Yuta’s pathetic self, but here he was all the same. “I could’ve spoken to her,” he mumbled as they moved from the front desk towards the hospital rooms. It was his way of saying thank you. Hansol raised a brow and laughed, “She’d have kicked you out for using banmal.  _ You’re welcome _ .” 

When they reached the fourth floor Yuta froze. “What if he doesn’t want to see me?” he asked softly. “What should I do? What do I say?”

Hansol blinked, “I don’t...know? What do you want to do?”

“Uh…”

They stood their in silence, shuffled to a corner by nurses hurrying back and forth in front of the elevators. Hansol scratched at the back of his neck. “I’m not sure what to tell you, Yuta… I’m sure he  _ wants _ to see you, he just couldn’t, you know, reply when you wanted to tell him. What’s got you so worried?”

_ “Everything,”  _ Yuta thought immediately. He couldn’t shake the persistent feeling of rejection that had grown over the course of the week. And he didn’t know if the person whose handwriting donned his arm that morning was the friend who liked him or who...didn’t. His throat was tightening. Looking Hansol in the eye was proving to be incredibly difficult but he was  _ here _ and Taeyong was on this floor too. And he really just did not want to break down in front of Hansol (again). He glanced back up and plastered the best model grin he could manage-- tight lipped with a lot of teeth that split across his face but didn’t reach his eyes. “Nothing, let’s go?”

Hansol stepped aside when they reached room 408, letting Yuta announce their arrival with a knock on the door. A brunette male answered with a soft smile on his lips. He bowed, offering a “Hello” in Japanese. Yuta returned with his own bow, introducing himself and Hansol in Korean, surprising both of Taeyong’s friends. 

“You speak Korean so well! Sorry, I didn’t know. I only see your messages. I’m Jaehyun, it’s nice to finally meet you. And this is--”

“Doyoung,” the other cut in. His shoulders were stiff and it looked like he was putting a lot of effort into keeping his chin and eyes level. “Nice to meet you.”

Yuta’s smiled lessened a bit when he bowed towards Doyoung. “It’s nice to meet you too.” 

“I wish that this could be a happy meeting but…” Jaehyun sighed, gesturing Yuta’s attention to Taeyong, still unconscious in the hospital bed. 

“What...happened?” Yuta took a few steps forward. He was stricken by the sight of Taeyong before him; bandaged, beat up, comatose, and so incredibly breathtaking all the same. His webcam didn’t do him justice and the thought made him feel incredibly guilty. Yuta hated being rendered down to only his looks and here he was enthralled by Taeyong’s beauty despite him being  _ unconscious.  _

“He was hit by a drunk driver. The nurses say he should wake up any day now.”

“But we haven’t seen any signs of it,” Doyoung muttered, falling into the chair pulled up to Taeyong’s bedside. 

“Doyoung…”

Yuta felt his heart drop into his stomach. His hands itched to hold Taeyong’s, just to know what it was like. Just in case maybe a little touch (a little soulmate magic? Yuta scolded himself for such a stupid idea) could help stir him awake. Instead he shoved them into his pants pockets, glancing back to Hansol, “I want to stay.”

“That’s fine. Just don’t forget our flight’s Monday morning.”

Yuta turned back to look at Taeyong, “I want to stay until he wakes up.” 

Hansol paused, and the other two looked awkwardly between themselves, “...You have work though.”

“I’ll use my sick days. I don’t care. I’m not going to leave.”

Hansol became visibly frustrated, ruffling his hair. He never pegged Yuta for someone this sentimental, prioritizing emotions over logic. But maybe that’s just because they both always tried to ignore anything that went deeper than skin to skin-level.  “I don’t know if the agency will like that...But it’s your career, I guess. The hotel costs are you on then.” 

It was awkward with just the three of them that next day. Yuta tried to make small talk, introduce himself better and learn more about the other two, though his focus remained solely on Taeyong. And no matter how much he tried to warm up to Doyoung it didn’t seem to be returned. Jaehyun was the only saving grace, one that Yuta would have to properly thank once everything was said and done. He continued to engage the model in small talk, sharing stories of when the three of them were growing up interjected with random memories of the things Taeyong had shared about Yuta. 

A few hours passed when Jaehyun offered to go pick up lunch. “Doyoung, come with me?” He asked, hands already on Doyoung’s shoulder and pulling him onto his feet. “Yuta-ssi we’ll be back.”

Yuta waved them off, smiling just until the door shut. 

Being alone with Taeyong was something that Yuta had thought about for a while-- at least since their first video chat. Doyoung had left the chair incredibly close to the bed and had refused letting anyone else by his side until Jaehyun had taken him away. With a sigh he took the seat and hoped Doyoung wouldn’t be too upset about it. “Hey,” he whispered softly in Japanese. “When I thought about us meeting I guess I never figured it would be like this. I thought about it a lot you know? In case you came to Japan I picked out all of the places I’d take you for a good first impression-- of me, not of the country,” he laughed, smiling sadly. His fingers crept across the white sheets towards Taeyong’s own. “And if we met here, wondering what things you’d want to do. You’re so private, so I thought it’d be a lot of coffee shops. But maybe you’d surprise me. I wanted to meet you so badly,” he sighed, daring to link their index fingers together. “You wanted to meet me too right?”

Their touch was warm and comforting in a way that Yuta had only ever experienced after a lot of shots and a trip back to Hansol’s apartment. Heat stretched from the tip of his finger to the ends of his reddening ears. He didn’t want to let go. “I’ll be here when you wake up, no matter how long it takes,” He said firmly, “I promise Taeyong. Yukkuri’s here.” 

His hand fell back into his lap when Doyoung and Jaehyun arrived, the former shuffling Yuta out of the chair and resuming his rightful position with a huff. Jaehyun, rolling his eyes, mouthed an apology when he handed Yuta’s kimbap over to him. “They didn’t have much, I hope that’s okay.” 

“It’s fine,” Yuta had his smile back in place, reaching into his pocket for his wallet.

“Oh no, don’t worry about it. You’re the one who’s shelling out staying in a hotel to see him. You’re our best friend’s soulmate, the least we can do is take care you.”

“He always spoke very highly of you both. It’s not surprising why, now that I get to meet you.” 

Doyoung grew flustered at that. He didn’t think Taeyong would speak highly of him at all with the way he’d been acting. He should’ve done better by his friend. He...should probably start now. “You know,” he chimed in, voice soft and eyes looking anywhere but Yuta, “If you want to cancel your hotel we have room in our dorm...It’s closer, and cheaper.”

“Oh,” Yuta’s eyes widened, smile faltering, “I couldn’t impose like that, it’s okay.”

“Doyoung you’re sure?”

Not wanting to say anything more Doyoung stuffed a piece of his roll between his lips and looked back to Taeyong. Then he nodded.

“Yuta-ssi you should. At least consider it if we don’t hear any updates. It wouldn’t be imposing,” Jaehyun reassured. Yuta, feeling every bit as grateful and overwhelmed as possible, said he’d see after the night he’d already split with Hansol. Speaking of... “Oh, I should check in on him. Excuse me a second,” he took his phone and his meal and stepped out of Taeyong’s room. Carrying both to the waiting room, he balanced the plastic tray across his lap with the intent to pick at it while dialing Hansol through Line. 

“Hey, he awake?”

“Not yet. Sorry again for ditching you, how has it been?”

“Fine. Actually…” Hansol trailed off.

“Actually?”

“Sorry-- h-Hey!  _ Sit down Jesus _ ,” Yuta hadn’t heard Hansol use English in a long time, and in the background he caught the sound of a heavy, deep voiced chuckle, “Sorry. You’ll never guess who I ran into in Itaewon.” 

“Who?”

“Johnny.” That same deep voice called out a  _ ‘Hi!’ _ from somewhere behind Hansol.

“Oh. Wow, okay good. I’m glad that I didn’t just throw you to the wolves.”

“Oh you did. Wolf though,” Hansol teased. “If you’re free tonight let’s all get drinks. I’d like you to meet him.” 

“It depends what the nurses say but I’ll try.”

“Good luck,” Hansol sounded happier than Yuta had heard him in quite some time. Maybe Johnny was more than some American fuck boy after all.

“Thanks. Have fun. If you need me out of the room just text me first.” Hansol started to protest but Yuta ended the call too quickly. Chuckling despite himself, he looked between his phone and his meal. All worry about abandoning Hansol was gone and Yuta found himself feeling decidedly less tense. But there was something new there--jealousy, that Hansol who hadn’t even come to Korea intending to meet someone could come across the boy that stole his heart during his study abroad. While Yuta, whose soul purpose was to find Taeyong, ended up stuck in a hospital instead.

He looked down at the roll. He’d had every intention of eating it at first but... Breathing a silent apology for wasting Jaehyun’s money, he dumped the meal into the closest trash can before making his way back. 

Yuta bid farewell to Jaehyun and Doyoung a few hours later, seeing that they both had school that next morning, and Yuta thought it would mean a night alone with Taeyong. So when the door opened again, not too long after the nurse had done her check up, it startled Yuta out of his seat.

“Oh,” The older man stopped in the middle of the room, brows pinching together as he tried to place Yuta in his head. “Sorry, I didn’t think anyone would be here.”

Yuta scrambled to his feet and bowed deeply. “I’m Yuta, it’s a pleasure to meet you. You must be his uncle? You probably want to be alone with him, right? I can leave.”

Taeyong’s uncle chuckled at the mix of formal and informal speech that laced through Yuta’s sentences. “You’re not from here are you?” He asked with a soft smile, revealing the added layer of exhaustion in his eyes. 

“Ah, no. I’m not.”

“Where are you from?” 

“Osaka.”

“Osaka, wow. So how do you know our Taeyong?” He asked, stepping up to his nephew’s bedside to check over him. 

“I’m actually, uh...his soulmate.”

His uncle’s attention fell back onto Yuta, “Soulmate? Taeyong never mentioned a soulmate.” 

Yuta let out an uncomfortable laugh.  _ “I feel like he hasn’t wanted to mention a lot to you but…”  _ but he couldn’t say that.

“Where are you staying, Yuta?”

“At a hotel near Gangnam.”

“Gangnam?! That’s so far and so expensive. You should stay with us.”

“I- I couldn’t, but thank you.”

“No, Yuta, I insist. Think of me as a traditionalist. Any soulmate of our Taeyong belongs as part of the family. It’ll put you closer too, if something happens.”

He was torn. The idea was awkward. Just the fact that he had met Taeyong’s best friends  _ and _ family before even getting to say a word to him made Yuta’s skin bristle. He felt like he was doing this wrong; like he was treading somewhere he shouldn’t. Walking into Taeyong’s life without him. To go back to his house seemed too personal but the man before him smiled so genuinely that he didn’t feel comfortable declining or redirecting in the way he had earlier with Jaehyun and Doyoung. 

He plastered that perfect smile over his lips again, “I’d...be honored if you’d have me.”

x

Yuta stepped carefully around the small house. He felt uncomfortable, like walking on eggshells in a place he didn’t belong. He greeted the two cousins and helped their father put them to bed. There were little things out of line that Yuta kept noticing-- lingering dishes, papers strewn over tables, clothes draped over furniture-- and when he stepped into the impeccable neatness that was Taeyong’s room suddenly his absences hit Yuta much stronger; the deep concern his soulmate always seemed to have for not being at home made sense. Yuta didn’t realize that Taeyong did so much. 

“Is it okay that I go in here?” Yuta asked as he peered inside the small bedroom at the top of a short flight of stairs. “Would he mind?”

“I won’t tell if you don’t,” his uncle chuckled. “I’m sure it’s alright. He’s only peculiar about his bed.”

Yuta smiled, wondering what other little nuances he still had to learn. Peculiar about his bed? He wondered what that meant, but kept a healthy distance until he could figure it out. The only part of Taeyong’s room that was remotely out of line was his desk and even then it was only a few littered pencils and small piles of eraser shavings atop incomplete drawings. “Oh,” Yuta hummed, daring to pull a few into his grasp (hoping Taeyong wouldn’t eventually kill him for being nosey). He flipped through all the different drawings, noticing that despite the varying outfits, poses, or sceneries there was one commonality. These were all...him. Yuta as a superhero, Yuta in a schoolgirl outfit, Yuta on a bench underneath a cherry blossom tree. He even found the two page comic Taeyong had sent him a few weeks back and a few incomplete attempts at continuing it. Awestruck (maybe a little dumbfounded too) Yuta laid them all back out on the desk and snapped a photo with his phone. 

__ NaYut: Look  
__ NaYut sent a photo  
__ Jisol_11: Did he wake up?  
__ NaYut: Not yet…  
__ Jisol_11: So….Where are you seeing these?  
__ Jisol_11: are you in his room? Without him?  
__ ChitaTen: is that you?  
__ ChitaTen: r u wearing a schoolgirl uniform?  
_ ChitaTen: yuta do u have something to tell us  
_ __ NaYut: stop  ! ! !

Maybe messaging his friends about this was a bad idea. His phone kept buzzing in his hand, message after message from Ten inquiring about the school uniform drawing. 

_ NaYut: I’d explain the joke but you’re probably too dense to get it  _ __ ┐(￣ー￣)┌  
__ Jisol_11: are you just going to ignore me?  
__ NaYut: Sorry  
__ NaYut: I met his uncle and he invited me to stay  
__ NaYut: no word on when he’s waking up yet  
_ Jisol_11: You can’t stay there forever, Yuta…  
_ __ Jisol_11 is typing...

Yuta exited the app and switched his phone to silent. A very Taeyong-esque mood that felt fitting as he stood in Taeyong’s room. But he just didn’t want to hear it. He couldn’t be in Korea, seeing Taeyong and meeting all of his friends and family, without formally meeting his soulmate. The thought alone made Yuta’s stomach tight. He looked back at the drawings one more time, particularly the uniform one Ten had become obsessed with, and felt his cheeks tint pink. Something about seeing himself through Taeyong’s artistic image made him feel...utterly indescribable. In a good way. And it just cemented the need to remain until Taeyong returned to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for your patience <3 It's been a hard month for a lot of us and I really appreciate being able to comfortably take time away from writing to grieve. I'll try to get back on a more consistent posting schedule moving forward!
> 
> For updates or to chat (please chat with me I love making new friends) feel free to follow me on Twitter! @ChibiKadaj


	5. Chapter 5

Yuta woke early, before the kids had a chance to storm through the living room he was sleeping in. He tried to recall all the tasks Taeyong took on around his uncle’s house, the ones that he’d mention periodically in their chats. Cooking, cleaning, tutoring...they were all things Yuta had no skill at or absolutely abhorred doing if the state of his own apartment was any indication. But for Taeyong’s family he’d try anything.

In the kitchen he scrounged up cabbage, carrots, flour, eggs, and green onions, just enough to make a low budget okonomiyaki, and was busy whisking together ingredients for the sauce when Jaemin and Areum stumbled in. They yawned simultaneously, backs of their hands pressed against their sleepy eyes. “What’s for breakfast?” Jaemin asked, “Hyung always makes fried eggs.”

“Ah...well this isn’t that but I think you’ll like it.”

“What is it?” Areum’s voice piped up as she scuttled from her brother’s side to Yuta’s and attempted to view their meal on the tips of her toes.

“Pancakes,” Yuta chimed, smiling and patting the top of her head. He wasn’t exactly _lying_ though the excited squeal in her voice told him she probably thought they were having a much different meal. Fortunately she wasn’t opposed to the savory flavor or Yuta’s lack of expertise with cooking, and after Yuta had it all served up Taeyong’s entire family ate the okonomiyaki up with ease.

“You didn’t have to cook, Yuta,” but there was a look in Taeyong’s uncle’s eyes that expressed all his gratitude for having a morning off.

“It’s the least I can do,” Yuta smiled, “I can only cook a few things though so hopefully Taeyong wakes up soon. Otherwise it’ll be the same three meals over and over again.”

The two laughed together before Taeyong’s uncle added, “Our Taeyong is a great cook. And he’s the type to care for everyone. You’re fortunate to have him for a soulmate.”

Yuta grew sheepish at the comment, “I am.” And he knew that he was. He just wanted to experience it all first hand. The Taeyong that cooks meals for his family and keeps his house orderly; the Taeyong that helps Doyoung study for tests and tutors his young cousins; the Taeyong that eats desserts regularly because he has a sweet tooth that cannot be satisfied-- these were all a Taeyong Yuta ached to meet. One different from the male he’s come to know, and yet still completed _his_ Taeyong quite nicely.

He left with the family, parting ways at the subway station to continue on towards the hospital. The walk wasn’t short, but 30 minutes on foot was better than 10 by public transit. Yuta greeted the nurses with a bow and a smile, pulling his scarf away from his neck. It was springtime, but the morning air was still too cool for him to go without one; he couldn’t risk getting sick when everything depended on his ability to wait hours by Taeyong’s bedside.

He made his way to Doyoung’s usual seat when he noticed the bedside table was barren. No Doyoung in the morning meant no sweets for Taeyong’s (hopeful) awakening. He felt like he owed it to the younger male to at least keep up the tradition.

Ditching his jacket and scarf over the back of the chair he made his way to the cafeteria. All he knew was that Taeyong likes sweets. What sweets in particular was an entirely different matter and Yuta wracked his brain to remember what Doyoung had brought in the past. Nothing in the hospital looked particularly appetizing either… He wished he kept his jacket so he could run to a true bakery.

In the end he left anyway, bracing the crisp air in return for a strawberry pastry in a nice sky blue box.

“Sir, you must be so cold!” One of the nurses exclaimed when Yuta returned, cheeks flushed pink.

“It’s okay,” He reassured her, rubbing his hands together around the clear plastic of the bag holding Taeyong’s treat.

“You’re the one here for Lee Taeyong-ssi in room 408, right?”

Yuta’s head tilted in questioning, “Yeah?”

“I have good news,” she beamed and led him back up to the right floor and into Taeyong’s room.

There were too many staff members for Yuta to really see what was going on. In fact Yuta was quickly shooed out of the room by the head nurse so that they could finish running their checks. Another fifteen minutes passed of Yuta bouncing on the balls of his feel, plastic gripped tightly in his palm as he contemplated texting _anyone_ about this. But he needed to know himself first before he said anything to anyone else.

“Sir?”

His attention snapped back to the nurse.

“He’s a little disoriented but you can see him now.”

It took all of Yuta’s control not to sprint into the room. He didn’t want to scare Taeyong. But he didn’t take enough time to actually figure out how he’d greet his soulmate before he was inside the room and looking at him face to face. With Taeyong. He offered him a quirked smile and a soft, “Hi, Taeyong. I’m Yuta.”

Taeyong stared at Yuta for a while, gaze still slightly unfocused from all of the lights shoved in his face and mind cloudy from being unconscious for seven days.

And then it clicked.

His eyes widened and he leaned back for a moment before leaning forward. He wanted to get the best look at Yuta possible. “Y-Yuta?” He croaked, then turned away to clear his throat. He rubbed his neck a little bit, hoping to warm up his vocal chords for proper use. “Sorry. I haven’t been… I…. How… What are you doing here?”

“I’ve been here for a bit,” Yuta took a few steps forward, grabbing the chair to bring it back to Taeyong’s bedside, and took a seat. “I came for a weekend visit with Hansol but when I found out you were here I decided to stay. Remember when I wanted to Skype? It was, well… I wanted to let you know I was coming and to keep your weekend free.”

“Oh…” Taeyong blinked a few times. This was too surreal-- meeting Yuta. Being able to touch Yuta. His hand itched to reach out when he remembered his reality: stuck in a hospital bed without a shower for seven days. He was disgusting and definitely starting to feel it. And Yuta had come all the way here to visit him. And Taeyong hadn’t even been conscious to know. He felt… terrible. “You didn’t...need to,” he said with a gentle, uncomfortable laugh.

“You’re unconscious for days and you tell me I can just come and leave Korea without seeing you? What kind of man do you take me for?” Yuta’s grin was more brilliant in person, Taeyong thought. The more Yuta smiled the more he wanted him to keep smiling. It was leagues better than what he saw through his grainy webcam.

“I forgot,” Taeyong let out another weak laugh, betraying his weak...everything. “You’re a mountain man.” Not that that meant anything but Taeyong noticed the way Yuta’s shoulders rose and shimmied at the comment. It was worth not making any sense to see him buck up like that.

Taeyong’s smile faltered as he settled back against the propped up bed and looked away. This was definitely not the way he wanted to meet Yuta. The embarrassment was sinking in. “I’m sorry I made you wait so long.”

“Hey,” Yuta almost returned to his feet trying to get Taeyong’s attention back to him. “You didn’t make me wait. It was okay. I’m happy-- No, thrilled that I can be here with you waking up. If I had to wait for a text message I think I would’ve died.” Embarrassing wasn’t the right word to describe Taeyong’s recovery, but to Yuta it was the most apt way to express the string of desperate, drunk, and depressed text messages currently left unseen in their Line chat. Text messages that he wasn’t sure he wanted to see Taeyong open but...would probably force his way through anyway because the last thing on his mind was leaving Taeyong’s side. “And you can see for yourself with all the ridiculous things I left you in our chat,” he forced a smile and held his hands up defensively. “Don’t look now though! Let me keep my pride a little bit longer.”

Taeyong quirked a brow. He was confused, and still incredibly unsettled over the fact that he was meeting Yuta at such a...low point in his life. He wanted to know about those text messages, fill in some of the gaps from the last week, but instead his eye caught notice of a blue box in floral printed plastic wrap dangling from Yuta’s hand. So he asked, “What’s that?”

“Oh!” Yuta had nearly forgotten. “This is for you.” He unwrapped the box in his lap and stood to hand it over to Taeyong. “Doyoung started the tradition of bringing sweets for you when you woke up, I just filled in today. Don’t tell the nurses,” he winked.

“Wow...Wow! This looks so good.” A wide smile spread across his lips and his stomach gurgled almost in anticipation, “Thank you.”

“Of course. I hope it’s as good as it looks.”

Taeyong took a bite over the box, wincing just slightly at the pain that coursed through his upper body, yet still revelling in the sweetness of the strawberry filling in a flaky croissant. He then asked with crumbs on the corner of his lips, “Doyoung was here?”

“Everyone was here. Jaehyun and Doyoung waited every night until they were kicked out and your uncle comes every few days. I’m sure they’ll all be here tonight.”

“Have you met everyone?”

Yuta nodded.

“Oh… That’s…” Awkward, uncomfortable, unwarranted, but instead Taeyong went with “unfair. I wanted to meet you first.”

Yuta was beaming back at that comment and it made Taeyong want to revert back into his cold shell even more. It was too much. Too much heat in his face and tightness in his chest. He turned his head away to hide his blush, but Yuta called him out on it quickly.

Something about spending time with Taeyong removed many of Yuta’s inhibitions. He didn’t dwell on his shortcomings when talking with Taeyong, just lived for this cutely awkward moment that they were sharing in the hospital room while Taeyong couldn’t stop thinking about it all. Yuta was strikingly handsome, well dressed and clearly had every indication of model material. Even the silver pierced through his ears and wrapped around his neck was subtle but striking enough to accentuate his features. Taeyong just wanted a shower and to wear something other than a hospital gown. At the very least feel from himself something similar to how he felt when he looked at Yuta.

But when Yuta ended up shifting from the chair to the wall and, ultimately, onto the end of Taeyong’s bed, eventually those thoughts dissipated. The touch of their hands over the white sheets also helped with that.

Doyoung was the first to arrive, and threw his arms around Taeyong so quickly that the other nearly toppled over. “You’re okay!” He wept, wetting Taeyong’s shoulder with his tears. “You’re okay…”

“I’m okay,” Taeyong laughed softly, shooting Yuta an apologetic look over Doyoung’s shoulder while he patted his friend’s back. “Sorry to worry you so much.”

“Yeah, _be_ sorry,” Doyoung sniffed when he took a step away. “I worried so much my hair started turning gray.”

“Your hair looks fine…”

“I plucked out the grays!”

Jaehyun arrived next with a bag of leftover bread from the cafe. Though he hid it behind his dimpled smile, Yuta definitely noticed the watery sheen over his eyes. Still, Jaehyun didn’t spill a single tear, even when he wrapped Taeyong up in a tight hug and breathed a soft “Thank you” to the universe for bringing him back.

“How does it feel?” Jaehyun asked after handing everyone, even Yuta though he could hear Ten’s voice chiding him for his carb intake in the back of his head, a small roll. “Meeting each other I mean.”

Taeyong shot Jaehyun a look that begged, _“Do we have to do this now?”_ But Yuta was quick to smile and share how great he felt. “It’s like a dream,” he commented. “Now that it’s happened I never want to leave.”

“You have to though,” Taeyong said softly, eyes on the snack he was picking apart nervously. They’d just met but Yuta was only here to make sure Taeyong was okay. Now that he was awake Yuta had no point in lingering any longer. He had a job to do back in Japan after all. He plastered a smile across his lips when he looked up and laughed when he added, “You can’t skip work much longer.”

They all turned their attention to Taeyong but it was Yuta who spoke first. “Don’t think about that right now,” he replied hurriedly, “I can stay as long as…” When his voice trailed off, drawing Doyoung and Jaehyun to him now, “as long as you need me to.” Yuta finished with a slight waiver to his voice.

Though Taeyong’s lips parted (a number of variations of _“You can’t do that for me,” “You’ll lose your job,”_ and _“I’m not worth your time”_ lingered on his tongue) Jaehyun cut in first, “We can think about that later. Now’s a happy occasion, Taeyong woke up and Yuta’s here!”

Yuta nodded quickly at that, “I agree. I’ve only been away from work for a few extra days anyway. It’s fine.”

_“It’s not,”_ Taeyong thought but he swallowed it down and tried to smile instead. “I wish we could have meet at a better place, though.”

“I’m happy to have met you at all,” Yuta replied easily. He wanted to sit at the edge of Taeyong’s bed again but the press of Doyoung’s gaze against him told him to hold off. “And all of your friends too.”

Before the conversation continued to grow even more awkward, a nurse arrived to check Taeyong’s vitals and grant him his number one wish of a shower. All three men in the room jumped at the chance to help Taeyong stabilize himself, standing up for the first time, but the nurse quickly batted them away and took care to guide him to the wheelchair herself. In the time that Taeyong was able to enjoy his shaky shower his uncle and cousins had arrived and were waiting for him in the hospital room.

“My, aren’t you popular? We might have to move you to a new room just for your guests,” the nurse chuckled when Areum scuttled over to Taeyong and threw her arms around his legs. “Oppa,” she cried, “don’t go away again!”

Jaemin shifted the weight between his feet, looking sheepish in the face of his now conscious cousin.

His uncle looked thrilled to see him not only awake but active, even if that activity was dependent on the nurse behind him. But when Taeyong looked carefully he could see the dark circles under his eyes. All that guilt over worrying everyone, over taking them from their responsibilities, their jobs, all of it returned to Taeyong like a punch to the gut.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly to Areum but the message was meant to carry to everyone; it was just that he could only handle keeping his eyes on the littlest one among them. “I should’ve been more careful. I feel awful for worrying everyone.” 

Doyoung jumped at the chance to respond first, “What? But it was an accident. No one blames you.”

“How could we?” Jaehyun added though his worried gaze traveled between Yuta and Taeyong’s uncle. He knew that no matter what they, his _friends_ , said, Taeyong needed reassurance elsewhere; from the people who had taken the blow the hardest both in their financials and their responsibilities.

Taeyong jumped slightly when his uncle’s hand fell onto his shoulder, his other helping the nurse guide him back to his hospital bed. “You’ll never get better if you keep channeling negativity,” he chided gently. “There’s a lot that we’re all grateful for now that you’re awake. You can pay us back by healing quickly.” Jaehyun nodded confidently at that, shooting Doyoung a look that screamed, _“I told you so.”_

The nurse informed them that Taeyong would need to stay until the next day at least before he was eligible for discharge and not too long after his uncle and cousins bid the friends farewell. Doyoung and Jaehyun left next, and soon it was Taeyong and Yuta alone again. Taeyong’s eyes had trouble meeting the other’s, his focus fixed solely on the dry skin of his cuticles as he tried to ignore Yuta’s soft gaze burning into him, warming his skin.

Yuta’s hands quickly covered Taeyong’s own, “It’ll be nice if you can go home tomorrow, don’t you think?” He was trembling slightly and Taeyong wondered if he was nervous now that it was just the two of them again. When Taeyong only responded with a nod Yuta continued, “I’d like to stay here until you get back home. But the _second_ you’re there I’ll go back to Japan. Will that help you feel better?”

Warm breath fell over their hands, Taeyong’s eyes still low as he sighed.

“Are you in a lot of pain?” Yuta’s question cut through the awkward silence, “They said you broke a few bones.”

“It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt too much,” Taeyong’s eyes trailed over his own body. “Only when I move a lot.” He tried to shrug his shoulder and grit his teeth tightly.

Yuta panicked, “You don’t have to _show_ me you’re in pain! Take it easy Taeyongie.” Taeyong blinked at the name, cheeks feeling flush. “I hope this doesn’t affect your drawing too much…”

“They said six to twelve weeks but hopefully it’ll heal faster. It’s mostly my left side so I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

“Don’t push yourself though,” Yuta frowned. “You seem like the type to work yourself until you’re almost dead.”

“Not true--”

“ _Completely_ true, _and_ Doyoung already confirmed it for me so don’t try to hide it.”

“God damnit Doyoung-- Oh… How was that by the way? Was he...okay?”

Yuta placed his hands on top of Taeyong’s to still the picking he’d already started at his cuticles, “He’s actually the reason I found you.” When Taeyong tilted his head Yuta continued, “Hansol reached out and he told us you were here. I owe him a lot.”

“Oh,” Eyes wide, Taeyong let out a long breath. One that was startled by the news, but also relieved. “I do too, apparently.”

Taeyong’s hand shifted beneath Yuta’s until they were pressed palm to palm, the tips of Taeyong’s fingers stretching just a bit past the other male’s. Then, feeling daring, he linked them together. “Thank you,” Yuta perked up, eyes wide and head tilted just the slightest bit but Taeyong continued before he could interject. “For waiting for me to wake up. I appreciate it. I appreciate...that I get to actually meet you. I think if I heard you were here and missed it I would’ve been really upset.”

“Me too,” Yuta agreed softly. For once that ever-present smile vanished and he looked down to their hands, like his mask had fallen. Taeyong looked closely, trying to read as much from Yuta’s expression as he could. A mix of guilt, embarrassment, and, above all, vulnerability. He wanted to ask about it all-- those mysterious text messages, how Yuta faired in Korea on his own, how much work he was missing out on. But none of that seemed to be the source of the pain scrawled across Yuta’s face. So maybe those questions weren’t asking right now...maybe instead...

“It’s okay,” he blurted out, wincing some as he stretched his other hand to rest on Yuta’s arm. “I’m okay, so… so we’re okay. It’s okay.”

Yuta’s lips parted for air and Taeyong thought he saw them trembling just slightly, but the Japanese male managed to keep himself completely composed until he wished Taeyong a good night and took off for the evening. “I’ll see you tomorrow when we come to take you home,” he called with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

If asked, Yuta wouldn’t be able to explain why he cried on the entire walk to Taeyong’s uncle’s home. Relief is what he should feel. Relief in the fact that his soulmate was alive and well and healing every day, but instead it was… fear, maybe? He couldn’t shake the thought that he nearly lost his soulmate before he even had him in the first place.

Yuta had lost a lot of things over the years but Taeyong… Taeyong wasn’t one he was ready to give up just yet. Meeting him confirmed that.


	6. Chapter 6

Yuta was the first in Taeyong’s room that next morning, Areum and Jaemin on his heels and whining about how he cheated at their race. Taeyong’s uncle brought up the rear.

“How’re you feeling?” the Japanese male asked brightly, helping hoist Taeyong’s littlest cousin onto the foot of the hospital bed so she could inspect his hand for any more injuries. 

“Sore,” Taeyong laughed lightly. “It hurts more today. Like my body remembered what pain is.”

Yuta frowned, “Can’t they give you anything? Do you want me to call a nurse? Should we take you somewhere else? I can’--”

“I’m fine, Yukkuri,” Taeyong’s hand raised to stop the other in his tracks, but a laugh lingered on his lips to tell the other he wasn’t actually upset.

“Yukkuri? Yukkuri,” Areum chirped happily after him. “I like that.”

The low booming laugh from his uncle resonated around the room. “Yuta really fits in with the family, huh?” he asked to no one in particular. “I’m going to get coffee and talk to a nurse. Taeyong-ah, do you want anything?” When he replied with a soft “No thanks” his uncle gathered up his cousins and left for the cafeteria.

“Do you think you’ll be released today?” 

Taeyong’s focus wasn’t on the question. In fact he’d hardly heard the other’s voice. He was too intent on reading the lines of the other’s face, trying to see if that same pain still lingered from the other night.   


“Taeyongie?”

“Huh?”

Yuta blinked. Taeyong blinked back. “I said do you think you’ll be released today?”

“Oh. I hope so,” Taeyong let out a breathy, awkward laugh. “My body feels so stiff here. I’d like to at least be back in my own bed.”

“I hope so too. I think your uncle’s going to ask so fingers crossed he comes back with good news!”

It was as if Yuta was magnetic to the edge of Taeyong’s hospital bed, and their hands seemed to experience a similar pull to one another. Back in the same position they’d left on last night, Taeyong decided to ask, “Are you okay?”

“What do you mean? I’m not the one who was hit by a car.”

“You looked like you were going to cry last night.” When he wanted to Taeyong could be blunt, Like whenever he was adamant to get an answer from someone. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah! I’m fine,” Yuta’s grin deepened the frown on Taeyong’s own lips.

“I don’t believe you.”

“I am. I really,  _ really _ am,” Yuta squeezed Taeyong’s hand in his own tightly. “I promise. I got a little into my head last night is all. Guess I was overwhelmed with you waking up.”

Taeyong’s brows drew together but he’d take this answer for now. “Tell me when you’re not okay, okay? Promise me?”

Taeyong offered his pinky and wouldn’t put his hand down until Yuta wrapped around it with his own.  

A bit of apprehension laced his tone, “I promise.”

His uncle soon returned with the good news: cleared for discharge with only four required check ups over the next six weeks. Taeyong felt relieved at the idea of being able to go home, ecstatic really because he was over the stiffness and sterilization of the hospital room, albeit a little nervous about his recovery time. He didn’t know how to care for broken ribs or collarbones and the last thing he wanted to do was mess them up further. But, with Yuta by his side, who insisted that he’d be able to help even while away in Japan, the nurses showed Taeyong the best ways to maneuver through his injuries; and provided his uncle with extra care instructions. 

There was nothing Taeyong wanted more than to embrace his freedom with a show of headstrong independence, but when he had to concede and use Yuta for balance it was obvious that the Japanese male was more than pleased to be helpful. Taeyong tried not to let it deflate his confidence too much, but he was entirely fed up with being useless like this. Yuta, sensing Taeyong’s disappointment somewhere deep in his gut, loosened his hold whenever he felt Taeyong’s steps become more confident; leaving the opportunity to lean against him if needed. It worked, and it didn’t go unnoticed. Though Taeyong could only express a silent thanks in the lingering of his hand on Yuta’s arm and a small squeeze once he made it to the couch in his living room. 

“I can cook,” Yuta offered eagerly when Taeyong’s uncle started towards the kitchen.

“You can cook?” Taeyong questioned.

“I cooked for your family the other morning,” he beamed proudly. 

“He  _ lied _ about pancakes,” Areum whined, causing Yuta to sputter. 

“It wasn’t a  _ lie, _ just a savory pancake!”

“Would you like to cook again, Yuta? I don’t mind taking the task on tonight,” His uncle offered but Yuta was already on his way to the kitchen. 

“I’d love to help.”

A lot of it was misplaced pride. Yuta wanted to show Taeyong he was capable. He remembered all of the tasks Taeyong tackled around the house to take the burden off his widowed uncle’s shoulders. More than that he remembered how affronted he’d made Taeyong when he discredited his contribution to the household. Being able to step up was the best way Yuta felt like he could atone for the pain they’d already moved past. It didn’t  _ need _ to be done, but he definitely wanted to do it. Plus, despite having relatively little culinary knowledge, he could at least pretend for the sake of looking cool in his soulmate’s eyes. 

The family had okonomiyaki again that night. 

Taeyong wanted to help with the dishes but everyone insisted he stay in place. Once Jaemin and Yuta together had finished them it was Yuta’s job to help escort Taeyong back to his room.

“It’s weird having you here,” he confided as they crossed the threshold, wiggling excessively as Yuta carried him to bed. “Wait, I don’t want to sit on the bed until I’ve showered.”

“Oh! I’m sorry,” Yuta diverted to Taeyong’s chair instead where his sketches still laid scattered around his desk. Taeyong’s face burned red, “I guess you saw these already, huh?”

“Only a few,” Yuta replied a little too quickly, a little too obviously a cover up that earned him a look of distrust from Taeyong. “Okay, okay. I did. Your uncle showed me your room the other night.”

“Ahh,” Taeyong ran a hand, the one that caused him the least pain, through his dark hair. And then added with a chuckle, “how embarrassing.”

“Not at all. More like talented,” Yuta corrected, already browsing for his favorite photos. “You draw so well, it’s incredible. We’ve only known each other for a few months and I feel like some manga protagonist caught in the panels of your first comic. As a manga  _ fan  _ do you know how  _ cool _ this is?” 

“Not really. The one thing I can’t draw is myself,” Taeyong laughed lightly, his cheeks still on fire from Yuta’s praise. 

“That’s fine, you can just keep drawing me.”

Yuta’s stubbornly confident nature always baffled Taeyong. It didn’t seem real (because it truly wasn’t, but Taeyong didn’t know that). It didn’t seem like someone could be so ethereal in every action, so sure of his footing even when he was acting a fool. And Yuta was a fool, more foolish than anyone Taeyong had met, including Doyoung.

“I won’t just to spite you,” Taeyong smirked when Yuta’s shoulders deflated and his lips twisted into a pout. Already back to the dynamic Taeyong felt comfortable with. “Unless you commission me, but my rates can run pretty high.” 

“I’m sure we can...strike a deal.” 

Taeyong cringed at Yuta’s wink, eyes fixed on the hand that rose and seemed ready to stroke his arm, “You’re so sleazy…” 

“Sleazy?! That’s so  _ rude! _ ”

Taeyong’s laughter carried through the night and though he knew that sleeping was necessary to help his body recover further, spending his time with Yuta was far more valuable. He inevitably had Yuta help him into the bathroom so he could shower (a task he insisted he could do on his own, minus the assistance in walking over), then required Yuta to shower too if he wanted to stay in his room for any longer that night. When Taeyong grew tired Yuta sat with him on the bed until he was sound asleep, making sure to plug in his phone and flip off the lights before he left. He would’ve loved to spend the night, he just wasn’t sure how well Taeyong would take to waking up in Yuta’s arms. They’d only held hands for a few minutes after all. 

Yuta had promise that he’d return to Japan once Taeyong made it back home and against his real wishes he did, in fact, book a flight while his soulmate slept. 

x

When Taeyong awoke his uncle had taken the kids to school and made his way to work already, leaving just the two boys home. 

“Morning,” Yuta chuckled, scrambling from his seat on the floor to meet Taeyong at the bottom of the small flight of stairs, “Can’t you just  _ wait _ a few minutes for me to help you? You’re so stubborn.”

“If you think I’m going to have you carry me out of bed…” Taeyong’s nose scrunched, but he tried to hide how winded the small climb had made him. 

“I could bring you breakfast in bed instead.”

“Another okonomiyaki?” Taeyong chuckled, adding “Jaemin told me” when prompted by the look of shock across Yuta’s face. 

“I’m not hungry,” he appended, letting Yuta lead him by the arm to a seat on the floor. “Have you eaten?” When Yuta shook his head “no” he continued, “I’ll eat when you eat.”

That left Yuta in a strange spot since his typically didn’t eat breakfast but didn’t want to deny Taeyong anything that could help his healing. Then it hit him, “Oh! Let’s go out! Let me take you to your favorite place. My treat!”

“Huh?” Taeyong’s cheeks were turning pink again. “Yuta you don’t have to. I’m…”

But Yuta was on his feet and already helping Taeyong up the stairs towards his room. “Think of it as a date.”

Taeyong blushed harder.  _ A date? _ Well, they were soulmates so maybe that shouldn’t seem too strange. He swallowed hard. A date with Yuta sounded… Nice. “What should I wear?” He asked before he could think better of it. A hand flew over his lips. What a stupid question! There was nothing in his closet that could match Yuta’s model-level of style. Even during the two days he’d visited the hospital Yuta looked nicer than Taeyong probably had in his entire life. 

“What do you have?” Yuta asked without skipping a beat, beaming that perfectly pretty smile of his. “Maybe we can match!” 

Taeyong looked Yuta up and down. A fitted black long sleeve shirt with a wide collar, a gray cardigan, and dark jeans. Not too hard to find something to fit with it. Accessorized with a simple silver chain and a cross pendant and-...a choker. Taeyong swallowed hard enough that his adam’s apple bobbed. He’d seen a few of the guys around university try the choker look but Yuta really,  _ really _ nailed it. 

“I’ll let you pick it out.” Taeyong’s biggest mistake. Yuta all but tore into his closet, pulling out his sweaters and jackets. He’d have tossed them on the floor if Taeyong’s desperate yelp hadn’t directed him to lay out all the clothing onto his bed. 

“Are you always this messy?” he fussed, folding the things that Yuta had tossed rather haphazardly. 

“No.” Yes, but Yuta wouldn’t say it because he wanted Taeyong to think highly of him. “Not always, I promise.” He paused his attack on Taeyong’s wardrobe to turn and smile. It sent butterflies throughout the other’s stomach. At least Yuta wasn’t annoyed...Taeyong worried he’d start getting annoying. 

Yuta turned back to his work and let out an  _ “Assa!  _ This is it!” as he pulled out a black knit cardigan that Taeyong hadn’t put on in years. It was a piece of his mom’s clothing that fit him well, but was “girlier” than he wanted to wear out of the house typically. “You have a gray t-shirt, right?”

Taeyong blinked, “Yeah?”

“Gray jeans?”

“No.”

“Damn...Okay, I’ll buy you a pair for next time.”

_ Next time _ . Right. There would be one. Though Taeyong didn’t quite know when this time, the first of what he hoped was many, would come to an end. 

“It’s okay though,” Yuta continued, grinning proudly. “We’ll look matched enough. Do you still need help changing?”

Taeyong refused and shooed Yuta out of the room so he could get ready. The bending to slide his jeans up over his ankles hurt more than he intended but at the very least his pride remained intact. It took at least double the time it usually did. But when Taeyong finally greeted Yuta he was ready to go, complete with a little bit of eyeliner rimming the edges of his sharp gaze, a plain silver chain around his neck, and silver studs in his ears.

“I didn’t know you had your ears pierced,” Yuta commented, reaching towards Taeyong’s ear absently and letting his thumb slide across the earring. “Any other surprises you’re hiding from me?”

“Just my makeup collection,” Taeyong teased. Yuta then noticed that the other had done his eyes and brows. “Hey no fair. I don’t have any makeup on!”

“You don’t need it,” Taeyong childed just as his stomach started growling. “Come on,” he snatched Yuta’s hand into his own. “Let’s go.” 

_ “Don’t need it _ ?” Yuta was taken aback, blushing in denial that that was the case. But Taeyong was steadfast in his assertion (and his want to eat) that the Japanese male hardly had time to protest before they were out the door and embarking on foot to his favorite restaurant: a quaint ramen shop nestled between the suburban town his uncle lived in and the start of the city where his university campus resided. 

“I wouldn’t think you were a ramen fan,” Yuta remarked, brushing back the cloth curtain from their heads as they entered. “You’ll be in for a treat when you move.”

“I like it,” Taeyong corrected. “But it’s the bakery behind it that’s really my favorite. Oh!” He greeted a man behind the counter (the owner, Yuta figured out later) while Yuta rolled his eyes and smiled to himself. Of course. Taeyong’s true favorite wouldn’t be a savory ramen spot. He should’ve known.

As they sat down Taeyong commented, “I didn’t ask you if this was okay with you. Do you want to go elsewhere?”

“I said I’d go to your favorite place,” Yuta returned with a smile, and little intention to eat anywhere.

“But will you eat here? I can’t imagine what a model’s diet must be like.”

“It’s really okay. I’ll just--” 

“Here,” Taeyong cut in, flagging down the owner. “ _ Ahjussi _ , can you make him a healthy plate? Mostly, uh…” He pointed out a few things on the menu and spoke using vocabulary that Yuta hadn’t exactly experienced before. The owner asked Taeyong a few of his own questions before they seemed to settle on an agreement. With a smile, Taeyong sat back in his seat.

“What was that?” Yuta asked, trying to mask his hesitance. 

“I made sure that they’ll make you a good, healthy meal.”

“Oh?” Yuta blinked. “What’s in it?”

“I kind of want to surprise you. They’re good cooks, I’m sure it’ll be great.” 

Soon enough there were two bowls placed before them, Taeyong’s in a heavy, dark broth with thick noodles and extra egg. Yuta’s was pale by comparison, filled with egg and vegetables and a few slices of pork. The two meals contrasted each other but in terms of taste they matched easily. Taeyong giggled in soft hiccups as he fed Yuta a section of his own meal. “See? I told you yours would be good even if it’s healthier.” And Yuta found himself so distracted between the banter and the laughter that before he realized it he had eaten almost the entire meal. 

“Was the chili oil okay?” Taeyong asked behind his napkin, his own ramen almost finished. “I wasn’t sure if you liked spice but I thought the flavors would be good.”

“It was good,” Yuta confirmed, touched by Taeyong’s level of consideration, truly caught up in how cute the other male was when he talked about food and taking care of Yuta. 

“I’m glad,” Taeyong all but beamed, reaching for his wallet when Yuta’s hand stretched across the space between them and onto his shoulder to stop him.

“Hey. I said I’m treating you, remember?” 

Taeyong protested a little but Yuta took care of the bill like he wanted. “It’s dessert time now,” Yuta’s lips split into a very wide, very bright smile, linking fingers with Taeyong in order to drag him out, calling “Thank you, Ahjussi!” behind them both.

The bakery behind the ramen shop--the real reason they came out this way--was as small as the ramen shop with pale red bricks and a baby pink awning. A tiny cat encircled the bakery’s name with magenta paw prints stamped around the corners. Everything about it was too cute to handle and Yuta completely understood why his soulmate loved the place. The inside was equally aesthetic: Plush white cushion seats against a pastel blue painted wall, accented with shining mirrors and a white neon sign reading “Sweet Life” in English. 

“I never would’ve imagined you to be the type,” Yuta teased, nudging Taeyong with his shoulder and then panicking when he winced. “Sorry, sorry!”

Taeyong just laughed, rubbing gently at his collar, “Doyoung is the one who likes to take photos here. I come just to eat.” 

_ Photos! _ Yuta hadn’t thought about photos. While Taeyong ordered for them both (he insisted after Yuta took care of lunch) Yuta busied himself finding the perfect filter from the perfect app. “Don’t eat yet,” he instructed with a wide, falsely innocent smile that had Taeyong feeling uneasy. “We haven’t taken any photos!” 

“What?”

“Here,” Yuta took care to position Taeyong and his parfait at the perfect distance behind him before grabbing the small cream puff Taeyong purchased for him and posing. He took a few without any decorated filters, a few with cat ears and whiskers, and a few with frames that surrounded them in hearts. By the ninth photo Taeyong rolled his eyes and dipped his spoon into the whipped cream, caught wide eyed as he licked it off in what Yuta declared to be his favorite photo of the bunch. “Thanks,” he beamed. “I’ll hold on tight to these when I go home.”

Oh right,  _ home _ . Taeyong shifted in his seat. “When is that, by the way?”

“Tomorrow,” Yuta’s expression was no longer as bright but he still smiled all the same. “I promised you I’d leave after you woke up so I booked a flight for tomorrow.”

“That’s good,” Taeyong smiled in return but his eyes remained low. He jabbed lightly at a piece of cake deep down in his cup. “You’ve been away for so long. I hope you still have a job after this.”

Yuta laughed. Neither said anything for a bit. 

“Do you like it?” Taeyong pointed towards Yuta’s half eaten cream puff with his spoon. His own dish now completely empty.

“I do! I don’t eat a lot of sweets usually.” A lot of anything really, though today was proving otherwise. “This is nice.” 

When Taeyong smiled again it crinkled his eyes and that had Yuta beaming. Whenever he ate, Taeyong seemed like the happiest human in the world. It twisted his stomach, catching Yuta between his not-often acknowledged illness and a want to make his soulmate smile that brightly forever.

“You don’t have to finish it,” Taeyong added, drawing relief through Yuta’s stiff shoulders. “I get that our diets are probably really different.” And Yuta’s diet (his appearance, his everything) made Taeyong resolve to work out with Jaehyun more once he was healed. In the meantime, “But if you’re not going to, can I have it?”

Handing it off, Yuta laughed brightly. And when Taeyong ended up with some strawberry cream on his cheek he did his soulmate duty to wipe it away with his thumb. Still blushing, it was Taeyong who inevitably shuffled them out of the tiny bakery before Yuta could embarrass him any further. 

Taeyong offered to take Yuta on a walk around his usual places with the intent of ending up at school, but halfway through he started to find himself winded and in more pain than not. He had been given pain medication that he hadn’t taken before they left and his body was getting its revenge. Teeth grit, he tried to push forward until Yuta noticed and called them a car to get home. 

“Don’t push yourself,” he chided when he helped Taeyong through his front door. “You’ve only been out for a day.”

Taeyong was torn. He felt frustrated. Back to square one where he’d been stupidly injured and stupidly had to pay the consequences. This was Yuta’s last day--their only full day together outside of the hospital--and just eating had Taeyong winded. What was the point?

Almost on cue Yuta guided Taeyong to the couch and, daringly, ran his fingers once through the other’s hair. ‘ _ Calm down, it’s okay’ _ unspoken but easily read between them. They were still so new to one another, but it didn’t feel that way. “I’m glad I got to take you on a date,” Yuta grinned, prompting Taeyong to sputter. ‘ _ Date’ _ was still so much for him. But that’s what it was, huh? Taeyong hadn’t been on a date since he started university. Some kid in his social sciences. And Doyoung had been so put off by the potential addition to their group they’d called it quits early on-- Well, because of that and because Taeyong kept being asked for blow jobs in the bathroom that he didn’t want to give. 

This date was much nicer.

Yuta was nicer than anything Taeyong could’ve imagined. He knew from their written notes, text messages, and video chats that Yuta was kind but he never imagined the model to wait in Korea for Taeyong to wake up. Or to take care of his family while he was unconscious. It was kindness on a level that he, Doyoung, and Jaehyun provided one another with; one that he never expected from anyone else really. And yet Yuta gave it all so effortlessly.

“You’ll have to come to Japan next time so I can show you around. I have a whole list of places I want to talk you!”

“Are they all bars?” Taeyong deadpans and Yuta’s bright smile morphs into something offended. 

“N-no!”

A pause, then Yuta continued, “But they’re mostly bars?”

Try as he might Taeyong couldn’t keep a straight face at that response, and it had him bent over laughing. “O-ow…” He gasped, his hands flying to his broken bones as if to keep them in place. He was struggling for breath in between giggles, “Ow it’s...Hahah, ah…” 

Yuta scrambled to Taeyong, adjusting him upright with a touch to his shoulder and lower back. “Oh my god,  _ breathe _ ,” he urged, caught between humor and panic. “Relax, I’m not  _ that _ funny.”

“You’re right,” Taeyong managed, still laughing. “You’re not.” 

Yuta’s jaw tightened overdramatically, eyes blown wide, and it makes Taeyong lose it even more. 

“My  _ god, stop _ ,” the model whined. “You’re going to break more ribs if you keep laughing. If you go back to the hospital then I’m never going to leave!”

“Good, maybe I don’t want you to--” All at once his laughter stopped. They both stopped. It felt like the world stopped, for a second anyway. It was the lowest possible expression of feelings Taeyong could’ve offered up and yet they were both stunned to silence. Taeyong’s cheeks turned pink first. Then Yuta’s. 

“I don’t really want to go,” he replied earnestly. “If I could stay here with you forever, I would.”

“Don’t say that,” Taeyong felt a little winded, more so than he had from his fit of laughter.

“No, I would. I mean it.”

“But--”

“I feel more complete with you around. Modeling, soccer, going out. None of it has felt as good as sitting on this couch next to you. I’d give it all up if I--”

Taeyong raised a hand between them and silenced Yuta gently.

“I really...Appreciate you, Yuta. Everything you’ve given me. How nice it is to spend time with you. But...But I don’t think it’s right for you to want to give up your life to be with me. Not yet.”

Taeyong was struggling against a current of heavy thoughts. He felt worried.  _ Why?  _ Because Yuta’s willingness to give everything up overwhelmed Taeyong. It felt misplaced for someone like Yuta (famous, beautiful) to give it all up for a dowdy, basic, wannabe artist like Taeyong. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want the opportunity for regret.

“Just wait a little bit longer and I’ll move to you, okay? It’s on the agenda anyway.” That much Taeyong could guarantee.

x

Taeyong and his uncle both offered to accompany Yuta to the airport that next morning but the model declined with the excuse of, “You’ve both given me so much more than I could want. I can get my own cab at the very least.”

Taeyong’s lips pursed into a frown. There was a twist in his stomach that he didn’t like. Sadness. Longing, despite Yuta still being in front of him. He wanted to keep him by his side until the very last moment but the two fifty minute car rides between the airport and home felt like too much for his healing body to manage. Yuta knew that too, so even when Taeyong tried insisting he was shot down really fast. 

“I’ll take you to university instead,” Yuta offered after they both bid his uncle goodbye. 

“Oh, joy. Get to go to school  _ and _ say goodbye to you. It’s my lucky day.”

A pause.

“Stop smiling,” it took all of Taeyong’s sense of self-preservation not to shove Yuta with his shoulder. 

“You don’t want me to leave.”

“Of course I don’t. I like having you here.”  

“I can come visit again. Maybe next month?” 

“And risk getting fired more than you already have? Not a chance,” Yuta looked like a puppy that had been kicked so Taeyong quickly amended. “Maybe in two or three months…I’ll be more healed then.” 

Eager at the agreement, Yuta took a step forward, arms spread wide, but managed to stop himself before he’d completely enveloped Taeyong in a hug. “Can I?” He asked with a gentle tilt of his head. Taeyong flushed and nodded. “Just be careful.”

Taeyong’s arms slowly, tentatively, returned the embrace. His palms pressed to Yuta’s back and his head rested just at the crook of Yuta’s shoulder. He didn’t want to break away. It was almost as nice as when they’d woken up after an accidental nap during a movie they put on to pass the time last night. Areum’s giggling jolted them awake and Jaemin’s  _ “Gross”  _ had pulled them apart quickly, much to Taeyong’s chagrin. This was nicer still because no young cousins could separate them right now. 

Taeyong let out a long sigh, letting his arms fall back to his sides and then they stepped away from each other. “I’ll miss you,” he offered up with an awkward quirk of his lips. “Let’s Skype soon after you get back, okay?”


	7. Chapter 7

_TY_Track sent a photo_  
_TY_Track: Look!!  
TY_Track: I did it ♫ヽ(゜∇゜ヽ)♪♬(ノ゜∇゜)ノ♩♪_

Doyoung shot Taeyong a look of pure judgment, having snuck a glance at the other’s phone. “Are you kidding me?”

Before Taeyong could be snarky back his phone buzzed aggressively in his palm.

 _NaYut: YAY! ! ! !_  
_NaYut: Omedetou! !_  
_NaYut: ＼＼\\(۶•̀ᴗ•́)۶//／／_  
_NaYut: ᕙ(＠°▽°＠)ᕗ  
NaYut: ♬♩♪♩(　◜◒◝　 )♩♪♩♬_

“Oh my god you _both_ are the worst!” Doyoung rolled his eyes so hard Taeyong wondered how they hadn’t fallen out of his head yet. But it didn’t matter. In his hand was his Japanese final exam with a very boastful 95 at the top. Taeyong was on a high that even Doyoung’s sass couldn’t bring down.

He’d spent every night the previous week studying until 4 or 5am, and after Yuta noted Taeyong’s pattern for still being awake by the time the model got up for work he started joining him in the evenings to quiz him on the material.

“Having a Japanese boyfriend pays off,” Taeyong had muttered under his breath when he’d received the score, metaphorically wiping sweat from his forehead when he realized (gratefully) that Jaehyun and Doyoung weren’t around to make fun of him for it.

With this exam completed and his Japanese language concentration successfully locked in Taeyong was on the fast track to graduating.

 _NaYut: I want to take you out to celebrate_  
_TY_Track: Sorry. Doyoung and Jaehyun are beating you to it._  
_NaYut: Not fair, they’re closer!!_  
_TY_Track: ¯\\_(°_◞°)_/¯_  
_TY_Track: You can take me out to celebrate as much as you want when I move there_  
_NaYut: 67 days until you move!_  
_TY_Track: . . .  
TY_Track: Are you counting??_

“Alright loverboy, no more texting,” Doyoung linked his arm with Taeyong’s and tugged him out of the building, “Jaehyun just got off work so it’s time to party. Tell Yuta you’ll drunk text him later.”

“I don’t do that,” Taeyong squawked.

“Fine, tell him you’ll drunk write on your arm. We have all sorts of Sharpies on hand just for the occasion.”

“I hate you,” Taeyong muttered, side eyeing Doyoung as he tapped out a quick:

 _TY_Track: Gotta run. I’ll talk to you tonight  
_ _NaYut: <3 bye~ _

To Taeyong it felt like their parties increased ten fold after his graduation. Doyoung and Jaehyun both had jobs over the summer and Taeyong was busy building up his portfolio and submitting applications to various studios around Tokyo and Osaka. Still the trio met up at least twice a week to enjoy each other’s company and at least three times a month to go out.

“I feel like you’re trying to get me drunk,” Taeyong commented to Doyoung as he watched Jaehyun pour them both another drink.

“Not a chance. Besides didn’t you say Yuta and his friends are avid partiers? This is just to get you ready.” Actually it was all to get Doyoung drunk enough to confess his feelings before it was too late.

It was too late.

“Are you sure you want to be here?” Taeyong asked, rolling up another shirt and placing it into his suitcase. He’d been accepted to a small manga studio a 35 minute train ride from where Yuta lived just in time for the big move, “Don’t you have classes starting tomorrow?”

“I don’t have Monday classes,” Doyoung clicked his tongue, “And even if I did of course I’m going to spend the night with my friend before he moves away forever.”

“It’s not _forever_ ,” Jaehyun corrected.

“If you’re going to be here then at least help,” Taeyong, chuckling, threw a few articles of clothing Doyoung’s way.  

“I changed my mind, I can’t wait for you to be gone. Forever.”

“Still not forever,” Jaehyun hummed with is own laugh, “You’ll let us come visit sometimes right?”

“Anytime Jaehyun. I honestly wish you both could come with me now. I’m pretty sure Yuta’s friends are going to eat me alive.” They’d already been talking about some sort of _inauguration_ and bar hopping to at least three places that first weekend after Taeyong settled in. With little more than a few university parties and some drunk nights in Jaehyun and Doyoung’s dorm playing video games, Taeyong felt completely unprepared for whatever Yuta’s crew had lined up for him.

“You’ll be okay,” Jaehyun beamed, setting down the pair of jeans in lieu of nudging Taeyong’s arm affectionately, “You can make it through anything.”

“I hope so.”

Jaehyun was a lot more reassuring that Yuta’s multiple, emoji-filled messages with a similar sentiment. But that didn’t surprise Taeyong much. Neither did the way he missed Doyoung’s sharp wit and gentle chiding after the two had taken their leave on the promise of escorting him to the airport the next morning. Taeyong let out a long breath, making his way through his uncle’s house to take in the family photos, the fraying carpet, the worn down cushions one final time.

When he finally returned to his room, after taking another long look at the books and photo albums and trinkets he couldn’t comfortably pack, he found a message on his phone.

_NaYut: D-1! Are you excited?_

_Yes_ , Taeyong wanted to send back. He was truly excited. But his stomach felt too twisted and the lump in his throat too large for him to want to type that back.

 _TY_Track: I’m a little nervous...._  
_NaYut: Oh no!_  
_NaYut: That’s normal though. Even I was nervous moving from Osaka to Tokyo and that’s in the same country._  
_NaYut: I couldn’t imagine moving countries like you are._  
_TY_Track: . . . didn’t you tell me you’d move here in a heartbeat for me on the first day we met irl?_  
_NaYut: Second day. Thank you very much. And I would, but I don’t have to because you’re coming here :)_  
_TY_Track: Not helpful. . ._  
_NaYut: What has you worried? Family? Friends?_  
_TY_Track: Both? I’ll miss them a lot. I always knew I would but now it’s so real._  
_NaYut: You’ll be able to see them soon. It’ll only be a few months and then we’ll be back visiting Korea together (。・ω・。)_  
_TY_Track: I know.._  
_NaYut: I’m not sure what to say that’ll make you feel any better but…_  
_NaYut: I’m excited to have you here. And I’m excited for you to start working at the studio_  
_NaYut: I’ve been reading all of their published works in anticipation! !_  
_NaYut: Can’t wait to see you in their next magazine!_  
_TY_Track: Omg it’s not going to be that fast…_  
_NaYut: Still :)_  
_NaYut: Whatever you need me to do to make the transition easy for you just tell me okay?_  
_NaYut: You can count on me! ! d( >_< )Good!!_

Taeyong let out a sigh. Yuta was so cute…

 _TY_Track: I know :)_  
_TY_Track: I’m going to sleep now. I’ll see you tomorrow_  
_NaYut: See you then~!_  
_NaYut: Try not to worry too much (more than I know you already will)  
NaYut: We’ll do it together :) You’re not alone. I’ll help you._

x

Waking up to Yuta’s last three messages helped Taeyong considerably. He was able to choke back the tears when saying goodbye to his cousins and uncle and only had to dab his eyes once or twice on the train ride with his best friends.

“I’ll miss you both,” He offered up sheepishly, sharp eyes on his baggage though they flit up to his friends’ faces as much as he could manage. “I’ll be back soon! And you can text me how much school sucks.” It took a lot for him but with a deep breath he was able to look Doyoung in the face, “I’ll still help you with your homework. Free of charge to save you the shipping fees.”

Doyoung rolled his eyes, Jaehyun laughed, and they both hit Taeyong in the arm.

“Good luck,” Jaehyun beamed, stepping up next to Doyoung, “Can’t wait to read your first manga.”

“Don’t be a stranger,” Doyoung added, forcing a smile of his own. It tugged at Taeyong’s heartstrings to see, but then he added, “I’m really proud of you Taeyong. Keep chasing your dreams,” and that was enough to set off the waterworks.

Before he could cry messily in front of them both Taeyong pulled them into a tight hug, whispering soft “thank yous” and “I’ll be home very soon” before he finally swallowed his sadness and took his bags through the gate.

Settling into his seat he dug his phone out of his pocket to see how many messages Yuta had left him this morning.

 _NaYut: D-Day! D-Day!_  
_NaYut: I’ve cleaned up the whole place for you. It’s spotless, you’ll be so happy!_  
_NaYut: Ok I actually made Hansol clean the place but it’s the same thing right? It’s clean! !_  
_NaYut: I’ll be at the airport when you arrive. You can meet me here.  
NaYut sent a photo._

Taeyong smiled to himself, flipping open his Line app to scroll through the string of notifications and look over the map Yuta had attached.

 _TY_Track: Thanks~_  
_TY_Track: We’re taking off in a minute so I’m turning my phone off._  
_TY_Track: See you soon  
TY_Track:  <3_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Part 1 End- :)  
> There are two epilogues coming so please anticipate!  
> I'm planning on writing a part two and I would love to know what you'd like to see take place. Please let me know in the comments or on Twiter @ChibiKadaj!
> 
> (I'll also do another call for help after the epilogues^^)


	8. Epilogue pt. 1

Yuta tugged Taeyong gently behind him by their laced fingers. 

He, Ten, and Hansol had all agreed that the best celebration (or, to be truly honest, initiation) after Taeyong’s official move to Japan would be to take the Korean boy out drinking. They opted for their favorite spot first, ordering two large bottles of sake between the four of them. Taeyong’s eyes grew wide as Ten opened them with ease and started to pour each of them shots. “Do you usually drink this much?” He asked around the table in soft Japanese.

“Not usually,” Ten grinned devilishly before Yuta could answer in a way that would sway Taeyong’s worries. “But tonight we’re celebrating! What better way than the best liquor and even better company?”

Taeyong shot Yuta a look that very clearly said ‘ _ help me’ _ as he brought his tiny glass to his lips. Yuta’s hand on Taeyong’s thigh was reassuring for the moment, but they both knew that he had little control over how much any of them consumed that night. 

Taeyong was well passed a state of casually tipsy when they moved to a second bar-- one with loud music and low hanging lights; the complete opposite of the izakaya they had just come from. He clung tightly to Yuta for support and, of course, to share in the warmth that his body naturally gave off. The model grinned widely down at his smaller soulmate, taking his hand and leading him away from Hansol and Ten at the bar to an open space towards the DJ booth. 

“Do you dance?” He asked loudly despite his lips lingering by Taeyong’s ear.

“Huh?”

“Never mind!” Yuta laughed, letting his hands settle on Taeyong’s waist to help them both stabilize and start swaying to the music. He never would’ve guessed that Taeyong could  _ dance _ . It wasn’t long before they broke apart from each other’s hold, Taeyong’s eyes low as he shuffled to the electric beat pulsing from the speakers. He rolled his body in a way that had Yuta absolutely enthralled and shook his hips to the point where Ten couldn’t help but hop in and join him. For a second Yuta was jealous, but he settled on the fact that it was much more fun to watch Taeyong and Ten lose themselves in the music than it was to have his hands all over Taeyong. He and Hansol weren’t bad dancers either but they opted for clinking their glasses together and sipping their drinks against the wall.

Eventually Taeyong stumbled back into Yuta’s arms. A long string of hiccupy giggles dripped from his glossy looking lips. 

“Having fun?” Yuta mouthed with a smile. Taeyong nodded quickly in return but they both knew that he had no idea what Yuta said. Didn’t matter though, they were having a good night. 

When the club started to empty around 3 Hansol and Ten also decided it was about time to go home. 

“That was fun!” Ten chimed into the cool night air, slinging his arms around Yuta and Taeyong, effectively breaking up their hold. “Taeyong you can party with us any day.”

The Korean boy smiled rather shyly in return, cheeks pink from a mix of alcohol, his natural state of nervousness, and the cold.

“Welcome to Japan,” Hansol offered in Korean with his own grin, extending a hand to Taeyong when it was time for the two groups to part ways. “I’m excited to get to know you better.”

“Same here,” Taeyong shook his hand lightly, grip slack, then settled back into Yuta’s open arms. Sober they were never this openly touchy but the alcohol was more than enough to throw away Yuta’s inhibitions and tap into Taeyong’s general need for affection. 

“We’ll see you soon!” Ten’s arms were now around Hansol’s shoulders, guiding them towards the metro stop. 

“Get home safely,” Taeyong called back before they were off towards Yuta’s apartment.

“They’re so nice,” Taeyong commented with a hum. His steps were shaky and Yuta found himself watching closely to keep him safe rather than completely listening to what he had to say. It hadn’t been so many months since their first meeting-- since Taeyong laid unconscious in a hospital bed after being struck in a hit-and-run. Yuta tried to let it all go, especially since Taeyong had another semester worth of school remaining after his accident and a few months extra before he moved to Japan; moved, in Yuta’s mind, into guaranteed safety. But he found himself worried, especially now when Taeyong’s focus seemed to be anywhere but on the idea of getting home. He replied with a soft, “Yeah,”  but remained quiet for the rest of the way.

With their fingers interlaced and their palms pressed together Yuta tugged Taeyong over the threshold of his--now their--apartment. Feeling significantly safer now, Yuta let himself completely fall into the alcohol he’d been drinking that night. Not fully intoxicated, but also not all-too sober either, he pulled Taeyong against him and pressed his lips to the other’s cheek. “I want to kiss you,” he whispered softly, eyes lidded and low and focused on Taeyong’s own lips.

“Then do it,” came the cheeky reply. 

This was something they were still working through. They both found the other immensely attractive and in the few visits Yuta managed to Korea before Taeyong moved in officially they’d always stolen little thigh touches and seconds of handholding. It happened easily; magnetically maybe. But beyond that the thought of touching further, exploring fingertips to skin, dismantling each other with their lips, was something Yuta had dwelled on time and time again-- though he couldn’t be so sure if it was the same for Taeyong. He knew he should talk to him about it all, but something (the darkness in his head that told him Taeyong had never and would never want him despite their spiritual connection) alway kept him from it.

With Taeyong’s approval lingering between them Yuta rested his hand against the other’s cheek and guided their lips together. It was chaste at first, even though it was hardly their first kiss. Yuta was hesitant and wanted to give Taeyong an out if he needed it. But Taeyong pressed further, kissing harder with his head tilted and his fingers gripping at the front of Yuta’s shirt. His tongue was the first to slip out and across Yuta’s bottom lip, begging entrance; he was given it so easily. Yuta moaned into Taeyong’s mouth when their tongues met in the middle and danced around, until they both finally needed to break away for air. 

Yuta took Taeyong by the wrist and lead him to the couch--well aware that if they fell into bed in their partywear Taeyong would have a freak out the next morning. Tugging Taeyong against him by the waist Yuta turned, directing his soulmate until his body was completely on the cushions and he could crawl over him. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. The words made both of them shiver, their relationships to it similar but unspoken, but Taeyong didn’t let it bother him. His lips parted. Sharp, smokey shadowed eyes bore into Yuta’s own. Taeyong always had this way of looking at someone as if they were the only person in the whole world. Tonight Yuta hoped he meant what his gaze gave away. 

He bent forward to kiss Taeyong again, letting his hand slide from the sharp line of his jaw down over his chest. His lips followed, leaving featherlight pecks and little nips at his neck and collarbone while a hand toyed with the bottom of Taeyong’s loose t-shirt. He could feel Taeyong’s heartbeat against his palm when his cold fingers finally brushed against his skin, teasing a trail up to his nipples. Taeyong was gasping beneath him, eyes fixed on the ceiling. The little puffs of air escaping red, spit-slick lips reminded Yuta how cold it was in his apartment; and told him that the only real solution right now was to use his body heat as remedy. 

He sat back on his heels, hands slipping from Taeyong’s body and onto his own. He started with his jeans first, fingers sliding open the buttons and pulling back the zipper when Taeyong shot up to stop him. “W-wait,” he said hurriedly, eyes going a little wide. 

“What’s up?” Yuta asked with a tilt of his head, his hands freezing immediately and raising to show his innocence. “Is everything okay? Did I do something?”

Taeyong’s cheeks burned a bright red and he shook his head out quickly. “N-no I just… I…” His attention shifted from Yuta to his own hands now fidgeting in his lap. “I’ve never...done anything like this before. I don’t know if I feel ready to now.” He really didn’t know. Part of him first wanted to be sober, though he felt like he’d sobered up completely in that moment of… well, panic wasn’t the right word, but... Taeyong didn’t feel like Yuta would do anything he didn’t want. Taeyong knew he could trust him. It was just that moment of anxiousness-- worry that this wasn’t right, or he wasn’t right, or something wouldn’t go right. 

But Yuta’s smile set his nerves at ease a little bit. He brought both hands to cup Taeyong’s cheeks and said softly, “It’s okay. Let’s wait then.”

“Are you sure?” Taeyong asked before his mind could really catch up and process whatever he was thinking. 

“Of course I’m sure. If part of you doesn’t feel ready then that’s that. I can wait.”

Taeyong fell silent then, grateful but unable to really vocalize it how he wanted to. Until Yuta asked, “Can I keep kissing you though?” That brought a smile back to Taeyong’s lips and he nodded quickly. 

“Please.”

It wasn’t too long after that they broke apart to clean up and go to sleep. Yuta had semi-begrudgingly started showering at night as well as in the morning to appease Taeyong’s slightly obsessive sense of cleanliness, but only on the agreement that he could shower first. He changed into a white t-shirt and a loose pair of sweatpants before crawling into bed and waiting. His phone kept him relatively busy even though both Hansol and Ten had probably passed out a while ago and there was nothing good on any of his social media feeds. Truthfully he probably didn’t need to wait. Taeyong had the option of sleeping wherever he wanted, and though Yuta stressed that his bed was always  _ always _ open, Taeyong had spent his first weeks sleeping on the couch. Yuta was heavily starting to consider investing in some sort of futon or thick tatami mat just to give Taeyong more comfort when the sound of the shower shut off and not too long later Taeyong was standing at the side of his head. 

“Your hair is so wet,” he hummed in that motherly way of his. 

“So is yours?” Yuta questioned as Taeyong climbed into his bed wearing an oversized shirt and sleeping shorts. Taeyong breathed a single laugh, slipping the small towel from around his neck and placing it on top of Yuta’s head. His touch was gentle as he ruffled the fabric over Yuta’s dark brown hair. 

“H-hey, I’m not your cousin you don’t have to  _ take care _ of me,” Yuta tried to seem forward, even wrapping his hands playfully around Taeyong’s wrist as if he was going to stop him, but his laughter gave him away easily. 

“You like it though,” Taeyong was still a little tipsy. And on top of it, Yuta’s gentleness and respect had him feeling good in a way that he’d never really experienced before. He couldn’t explain it but fortunately it didn’t seem like Yuta was going to ask. So instead he let his good mood run his mouth on other topics, “If it wasn’t for me taking care of you this place would be dirtier than a zoo.”

“I’m completely offended,” Yuta used his grip to free himself from the towel but kept his hold on Taeyong’s hands and let it rest between them. “A zoo is a little much.”

“I’ll stop cleaning for the next month just to prove it to you.”

“You couldn’t do that even if you tried,” Yuta grinned, posing a challenge that Taeyong was definitely going to lose. 

“Fine… You’re right,” Taeyong relented, “But, hey, at least let me finish drying your hair.” 

Yuta was silent for the rest of time to took Taeyong, save for a little hum of pleasure here or there. After drying off his own hair, Taeyong turned back to Yuta to ask softly, “Mind if I sleep here with you tonight?”

Yuta’s lips split into a smile wider than Taeyong had ever seen before (save for maybe the day when he woke up from his coma) and he wordlessly pulled his thick white duvet back for Taeyong to slip in next to him. He made sure to flip off all the lights and plug in at least one of their phones before crawling to Yuta. It was...weird, though Yuta still had alcohol on his breath and Taeyong still had it in his system. And that made it easier for them to curl up next to (and slightly on top of) one another.

There was a heaviness in his head and a knot in his stomach when Taeyong woke the next morning. Sunlight filtered into the bedroom through Yuta’s thin curtains but seemed to have no effect on the male sprawled out beneath Taeyong. His head still rested on Yuta’s collar, his shoulder pressed in the space between Yuta’s side and his outstretched arm, his hand on Yuta’s chest. Yuta was snoring so there was no way that Taeyong would fall back asleep now, despite how much his throbbing head wanted it. But… this wasn’t too bad, either. He snuggled up closer to Yuta, fingers slowly pulling the duvet over the top of his head to block out the sun, and laid there in only semi-awkward silence until the other male woke up. The previous night was hazy, but he remembered sitting in the back of a low lit restaurant, dancing with Ten, and then coming back here when… Oh, right. He and Yuta had been...and then he asked to… Taeyong bit into his bottom lip. 

Yuta stirred beneath him, rolling over onto his side and folding his body over Taeyong’s. “Huh… Oh!” His eyes shot open, meeting Taeyong’s own startled gaze, and he laughed lightly. “Good morning. I forgot you joined me last night.” Taeyong tried to push away from Yuta but he just tightened his hold, “Wait, don’t  _ go _ . I like this. I’d like to keep you by my side. If you’re okay with it.”

Taeyong relented because he really was okay with it all deep down. 

“Thanks,” Yuta replied softly, touching the tips of their noses together before letting his eyes slip shut again. 

“Are you going back to sleep?”

“No. Enjoying the moment. You should too,” Yuta teased, which prompted a very satisfying grumble from Taeyong.

Yuta pulled away after a little bit and slipped out of bed to use the bathroom and shower, so Taeyong took the chance to snag some water and start preparing breakfast. When he moved in Yuta had nothing more than a few packages of instant ramen (some of which had expired a couple months before) and bottles of sake. How Yuta had survived up to this point made Taeyong wonder but rather than linger he did his best to keep Yuta well stocked with at least some basic essentials like eggs, flour, milk, and vegetables. He was in the middle of stirring egg yolks when Yuta emerged from the shower, shirtless with a towel over his still dripping hair.

“Are you cooking?”

“Mhm. Tamagoyaki and vegetables. And some rice-- for me,” he added, smiling over to Yuta. The model never seemed to eat (or Taeyong rarely saw it happen) so when he did prepare meals for them Taeyong tried to make sure they were things suitable for (what he assumed to be) a model’s diet. 

“You’re so kind. You don’t have to, you know,” Yuta leaned against the counter, looking over Taeyong’s array of precisely cut seasoned pumpkin, daikon, eggplant, and lotus root. “Looks good.”

“You’ll have some right? I can’t believe how much you drank...I feel like I’m going to die and I had maybe two-thirds of what you, Hansol, and Ten managed.”

Yuta grinned, “It’s a skill. We’ll teach you well.” 

“You didn’t answer my question.” 

And Yuta wouldn’t. He just continued smiling as Taeyong cooked for them both, letting it be for the moment. 

He set both plates down on Yuta’s coffee table, making sure to give the other a few more vegetables in exchange for no rice. “I hope you like it,” he said softly, settling on the couch where last night they had almost…

“Hey...Can I ask you something?”

Yuta put a small piece of pumpkin between his teeth and turned his head, raising a brow at Taeyong. 

“Last night… Is that something you want to do?”

Yuta swallowed-- well, more like gulped the bite down, “Well...Yeah, I’d like to if you’re comfortable and want to, too.”

“You know I’ve...never really…” Taeyong’s voice trailed off. He tried to be the forward one because the scene on the couch wouldn’t stop replaying over and over again in his head. But now the words just felt like a mess in his mouth. He took a bite of egg instead. 

“Are you a virgin?”

Taeyong had set himself up for the question, had been trying to say it himself. Yet hearing Yuta say it caused him to choke a bit. So he just...nodded. 

Yuta was smiling softly and Taeyong couldn’t decide if it made him feel comfortable or awkward. 

“I don’t even know what that means anymore,” he laughed but it didn’t resonate well with Taeyong and he pulled his legs up, physically drawing into himself.

Yuta quickly backtracked, “Sorry that’s not a bad thing. That’s...well, I’m surprised to be honest. I thought you’d have a lot of university flings.” 

“Nope. I didn’t.”

“Hey,” Yuta inched closer, hand resting next to Taeyong’s shin. “It’s not a bad thing at  _ all _ . To be honest I’m kind of...well, if you’d want to with me that’s...really flattering? Maybe that’s the wrong word. But if you trusted me I’d feel great.” 

Taeyong’s lips parted. He had wanted to bring it up but he didn’t know where to go from here. Sex wasn’t something he’d thought of too often. He didn’t have the time or much of an interest back during school but with Yuta… Yuta left Taeyong feeling interested. Wanting? Maybe. He couldn’t quite tell but he’d been thinking about where they left off all morning. And looking at Yuta’s half naked body wasn’t helping him either. He felt lost. So Yuta ended up speaking first, “You just tell me when- if you’re ready, okay? There’s no pressure coming from me.” 

Taeyong tried to smile in acknowledgement but he still wasn’t feeling too sure of himself. Yuta changed the subject seamlessly, continuing to poke around his meal as they spoke. And they didn’t touch on it again for a another week; even on the nights where they drank it ended with nothing more than a few shared kisses and some cuddling to sleep. Taeyong alternated between sleeping in Yuta’s bed and on the couch, depending on his confidence level. 

Something stuck in his head, eating at him--  _ “I don’t even know what that means anymore.” _ He really didn’t care about Yuta’s previous sexual activity. But his own inexperience worried him. What if he wasn’t to Yuta’s standard? What if this just wasn’t something he wanted to do after they tried it? He didn’t mind the thought...of letting Yuta continue with whomever. They were soulmates but they didn’t have to be limited to one another. Taeyong wouldn’t blame him, at the very least.

“You look like something is bothering you,” Yuta stepped up behind where Taeyong was sketching, bending over to rest his arms on Taeyong’s shoulders and peer at his art. “Is it something at work?”

Taeyong stiffened, shaking his head out quickly. “No, work’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Are you? You haven’t texted me during your lunch in a few days,” he pouted. “I miss it.” 

Taeyong let out a long sigh. His head dropped to the desk, shoulders slumping. Yuta readjusted, leaning against the desk next to his bent over boyfriend(?) “What’s on your mind?”

“I....” Taeyong started. 

“Yeah?”

Taeyong’s head fell back, eyes glued to the ceiling, “I think I want to have sex with you.”

“Oh.” Of all the things Taeyong could bring up Yuta was expecting this the least. The very last, actually. 

“But,” Taeyong continued, “I don’t know what I’m doing. What if it’s not good? I don’t...want you to feel bad because of me--”

“Taeyong,” Yuta cut in, poking his index finger into the other’s cheek to silence him, “if it’s you it’s going to be amazing regardless. You’re my  _ soulmate _ .”

“But that doesn’t mean anything. A lot of bad things can happen between soulmates.”

“Okay,  _ Doyoung _ , but when it comes to my soulmate I want him to share everything with me. If he wants to.” Deep down (but not deep enough) this conversation was making Yuta worried too. What if he ruined Taeyong’s first time? He was putting a lot of trust in Yuta’s hands and the last thing he wanted to do was shatter it. 

Taeyong bit onto his bottom lip, trailing his eyes across the room to Yuta. “I...want to. If it’s with you, I really want to try.” 

“Just let me know when,” Yuta’s smiling lips met Taeyong’s own in a gentle and easy kiss; one that even quieted some of the doubts he himself was having. Taeyong didn’t know it but he was always good for boosting Yuta’s confidence. 

“Tonight?” Taeyong asked, their lips still brushing. If he waited any longer the anxiety was going to eat away at him, and neither of them had to work the next day so it gave them the chance to cuddle and rest at the very least. The Korean male was starting to like those nights a lot. “Do you mind if we...tonight?”

“I don’t mind if you don’t,” Yuta straightened again, still smiling. Yuta always smiled. And Yuta’s smile always made the storm in Taeyong calm. “Just let me know when you’re ready?”

Even that was a lot of pressure for someone like Taeyong. Would he ever be truly ready? He was ready enough right now but still quite nervous. He couldn’t tell if he was making the right choice. And no matter how much of his mind and body wanted this there was just enough attention to that little bit that didn’t. He  _ needed _ Yuta to take the lead. “Ah,” he let out, turning towards Yuta. “Do you mind...letting me know when you’re ready instead?” 

“Yeah, no problem,” Yuta’s voice softened. Whatever uncertainty he felt at being put in charge neither his face nor tone betrayed. “You won’t let me into the bed like this so why don’t we shower first?” 

“Alright, you can go ahead first.”

“No, Taeyong,” Yuta scooped up his soulmate’s hands in his, chuckling. “ _ We _ shower first. You know, together.” 

“Oh...Oh!” Taeyong’s blush deepened. Yuta was already guiding him out of his seat and away from his drawing, towards the small bathroom. “I-is there even room for the two of us in there?”

“Trust me,” Yuta winked and it made Taeyong blush more (if that was even possible), “Unless you’d rather not? I’ll take care of you, you just have to promise you’ll speak up when you’re uncomfortable. Deal?”

Taeyong nodded.

“I need you to say it,” Yuta urged gently. “Just so I know for sure.”

“Deal.”

Yuta turned on only the light over the shower, leaving the rest of the bathroom dim. “Mood lighting?” Taeyong teased and Yuta laughed along, but really he wanted to grant Taeyong the peace of mind to strip down in the shadows. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it onto the floor; he probably shouldn’t have been surprised when Taeyong picked it up to fold and leave atop the closed toilet lid. “Sorry,” he said with a grin, and when he took his pants off he made sure to use more care. Taeyong couldn’t help but let his eyes linger. This was the first time he was really seeing all of Yuta. Even the one time he got too drunk his underwear had at least stayed on. It was wrong to stare but he couldn’t take his gaze away until Yuta was nothing more than a shadow behind the shower curtain. 

Yuta was so beautiful. And the way he carried himself was always so enthralling for Taeyong. There was magic in his body that just  _ begged  _ Taeyong to capture it all as best he could. Even now, when they were supposed to be getting down and dirty, Taeyong’s fingers itched to draw. But they also wanted to touch… and that was more important right now. 

Swallowing hard, Taeyong took off his own t-shirt and shorts, setting them gently over Yuta’s before he timidly followed after. 

Whereas Yuta was firm and lean muscle Taeyong felt like nothing more than a bunch of joints. He wasn’t without definition either but compared to Yuta he just felt...small. 

“You alright?” Yuta asked in soft Japanese, brushing some of the already wet strands away from Taeyong’s face. 

“Fine,” Taeyong replied breathlessly. His heart was pounding in his chest, a rapidfire beat that sort of restricted his breathing. 

“Can I kiss you?”

When Taeyong nodded Yuta took his wrist, switching their position so Taeyong’s back was against the cool shower wall, eyes staring at the stream of warm water until Yuta’s form stepped inward to block it. Their lips met in a soft kiss, Yuta just a bit over Taeyong with his arm braced by his head. It didn’t last long.

“Are you not annoyed by the water pouring over your face?” Because Taeyong wasn’t sure how much more he could handle dripping down Yuta’s cheek and into his nose. 

Yuta simply laughed loudly, “You don’t like drowning during your makeout sessions? I really  _ do _ have a lot to teach you.”

“Hey!” Taeyong punched Yuta’s chest lightly. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not! I’m just having fun.” A hand rose to tilt Taeyong’s chin upwards, “It’s warmer here than against the other wall but that’s the sacrifice to not having water drip down your face.”

“I’ll take it.”

So Yuta switched them back again, all but giggling when Taeyong hissed at the cold against his skin. “You’re getting goosebumps,” he teased.

“Will you shut up and kiss me?” 

Yuta’s lips fell against Taeyong’s own and he could feel the smile on his face. It was good-- Yuta was so good at keeping things from being too serious; so good at teaching Taeyong that not everything had to be straightlaced and perfect all the time. His hand raised tentatively, fingers running over the lines of Yuta’s arms. It was so much better than outlining with his eyes and tracing with his pencils. Actually  _ touching  _ Yuta gave him so much more of a thrill. His hands gripped tighter at Yuta’s forearm, lips parting to let Yuta’s tongue lick inside his mouth. He moaned against the other, feeling his knees grow weak. An arm slid around Taeyong’s waist, keeping him in place while they kissed over and over again.

“Ah...damn...If we stay like this I don’t know if I’ll make it to the bed,” Yuta whispered against Taeyong’s cheek, finally pulling away. “Let’s finish up here? I’ll wash your back.” 

“Only if I can do yours too,” Taeyong wanted to drink in the details of everything Yuta was. And when it was his turn to help Yuta wash he took his time mapping out all of the skin he could to the point where Yuta had to beg him to let them rinse off and leave.

“It’s only just begun I promise. C’mon,” Yuta laced his fingers with Taeyong’s and stepped out of the bathtub. With only towels around their waists, and one to share between their heads, he guided them towards his bed, taking his opportunity to cheekily toss Taeyong onto it.

“What are you? Some Boys’ Love seme?” 

“So you  _ do _ read yaoi!”

Taeyong rolled his eyes in the face of Yuta’s teasing, scooching himself further towards the center of the bed before Yuta crawled over him completely. “Is this okay?”

Taeyong nodded, fingers reaching to caress the sharp line of Yuta’s jaw and over his chin to his lips, “This is good.”

This time when Yuta bent to kiss Taeyong he let his hands have free reign over the other’s body. He rubbed over his sharp collarbone and down to his chest, reveling in Taeyong’s moan when he grasped a nipple between his forefinger and thumb. He left Taeyong breathless while he nipped all over neck, his hands teasing at his chest and his leg between Taeyong’s own. “Do you like that?” A genuine check-in, despite sounding somewhat like a line from a romance comic. When Taeyong gasped out an affirmation Yuta continued. He inched his hand lower down Taeyong’s body, toying with the wrap of the towel around his waist. But, rather than remove it, he instead ran his palm over the course fabric over Taeyong’s thigh. “Oh, looks like you like that a lot, huh?” He gave a breathy little laugh, watching closely how Taeyong’s expression morphed with the hitch of his breath. Yuta massaged him a little more, the heel of his palm pressing into the outer side of the other’s thigh, his thumb caressing his hip, letting him moan repeatedly and enjoying every minute of it. 

Catching Taeyong’s eye, Yuta’s hand returned to the towel as an unspoken question. When he received a timid nod he slowly removed it from the other’s waist and let it fall open behind Taeyong. “God,” he breathed, trying not to be too obvious with the way his eyes raked over Taeyong’s body. “You’re...I know you don’t like to hear it,” because Yuta himself didn’t like to hear it but, “so, so stunning, Taeyongie. I don’t want to take my hands off of you.”

Yuta dipped back down before Taeyong could utter any sort of reply. He kissed right in the center of his abs and then proceeded lower until he could properly suck hickies into Taeyong’s thighs. The other yelped, fingernails biting into Yuta’s sheets. There was a smirk plastered on Yuta’s lips as he worked another bruise into Taeyong’s skin. He knew there was no way he’d be allowed to leave marks on his neck so this was the next best option. He  _ loved _ leaving marks whenever possible and this wasn’t something he was going to pass up.

“H-hey,” Taeyong gasped while his fingers sought out Yuta’s hair. “That- that’s too...”

“Hm?” Yuta hummed against his thigh. It was cheeky. He knew Taeyong was already incredibly aroused. He broke away with a loud, dramatic pop and grinned, “do you want my lips somewhere else?”

Taeyong’s face turned beet red. “That’s not what I meant I just--”

Yuta’s head tilted in that puppy-like way, “You just?”

“I...want to kiss you more… and I want to...you know...feel...you…” Taeyong muttered, a mixture of being too shy and trying to stay too composed. Too cool. 

“You’re a tsundere, do you know that?” Yuta’s hand raised to cover his giggling lips but ended up fighting off Taeyong’s swipe at him. He quickly caught the other’s wrists and pinned him back down. “I can play this game too you know~”

“You’re impossible,” Taeyong whined.

“I’m just really good,” he corrected, pressed a quick and sloppy kiss to quiet Taeyong again. “Give me a sec.” Just as fast as he had Taeyong pinned he freed him again, crawling to his bedside table to fish out his bottle of lube and a condom. 

He startled when he felt a pair of cold hands press against his chest, arms wrapped around his torso. Taeyong’s chin rested on his shoulder. “I want to touch you too,” he whispered. His hands formed over the curves of Yuta’s pecs and down his sides, nothing as obviously sexual as the treatment that Yuta was giving him previously but enough that it had Yuta shivering underneath his touch. It was lighter, more innocently thorough than anything he’d experienced before. He and Hansol preferred going hard and fast, leaving little room for anything other than raw touch so this...this was completely foreign to Yuta. And absolutely welcomed. 

Taeyong liked having Yuta beneath his fingers. No matter how long they spent together it still felt surreal; to have a soulmate, to have Yuta as his soulmate, to have Yuta here with him in the flesh. In a body so warm and comfortable and strong. Taeyong didn’t really want to be elsewhere. He leaned in tentatively, lips finding their place on the back of Yuta’s neck and dragging down to his shoulder. His hands mimicked the motion over Yuta’s sides and to his hips. 

Yuta broke the silence that had fallen between them, “I have an idea.”

He readjusted them both, pressing his back against the wall and pulling Taeyong into his still covered lap, “I want to watch you,” he grinned, “and touch you too.”

Taeyong’s kiss swollen lips parted and  _ fuck _ Yuta was sure he’d never see anything more beautiful than Taeyong right now. He was soon proven wrong, finding a sweat slicked and gasping Taeyong to rival the site of his parted, pouting lips. Yuta’s hand worked slowly up and down Taeyong’s cock, and though Taeyong tried his hardest to keep his hands running over Yuta he inevitably found his head in the crook of Yuta’s shoulders, hot air escaping his lips in little gasps while his thighs (currently bracketing Yuta’s hips) quivered. Soon, though, Taeyong’s hands managed to wrap around Yuta’s length as well and he tried to stroke him at a similar pace. Judging by the hiss of air that brushed past his ear, Taeyong felt like he’d done something very right. 

“Taeyong do you...how do you want to do this?”

“Ah… Can I...bottom?”

“Of course. H-here,” Yuta himself was breathless. His cock ached for so much more friction and there was nothing more he wanted than to finally be impossibly closer to Taeyong. He readjusted them back to their original position, looking down with a lopsided smile at his soulmate. “I need to prep you, okay? It might feel a little weird but bear with me.”

Taeyong’s body stiffened when Yuta pushed one lubed finger against and then into him. “Relax,” Yuta urged, his free hand stroking Taeyong’s side. “Keep breathing, it’ll feel better.” 

Before he could think better of it Taeyong whimpered in reply; then his hands shot up to cover his mouth and hide his face from the embarrassment. Yuta merely chuckled, coaxing his finger all the way in and then all the way out. The easier it got for Yuta to move the more Taeyong went from tense to squirmy, his nails trying to find purchase in anything they could. He settled on Yuta’s forearms and his soulmate brought their lips together to distract Taeyong while he added another finger. He did the same when he attempted a third.

“I think you’re ready,” he hummed, taking his hand back. “What do you think?”

Taeyong’s tongue dragged over his bottom lip and he nodded furiously. “Please...Please I really  _ really  _ want this.”

With his clean hand Yuta caressed Taeyong’s cheek, “Then let’s do it.” 

Taeyong shuttered as cold air hit his body, no longer blocked by the warmth of Yuta’s body while the other washed his hands and ripped open the condom. Taeyong watched him shudder as he rolled it over his length, stroking himself a few time before he climbed back into place. A hand gently pushed Taeyong’s legs apart and positioned himself between them, sending the warmest smile. “Tell me if it hurts, okay? Or just smack me a bunch of times if you can’t say anything.” Taeyong smacked his arm already for that comment then gasped when Yuta, who was still chuckling, started to push into him.

Taeyong’s nails dug deeply into the skin of Yuta’s biceps, his eyes wide and watery as they looked to the ceiling. It was a stretch like nothing he’d felt before, even with Yuta’s fingers working him open only a few moments earlier. 

“Breathe,” Yuta grunted gently. His focus was on their hips, making sure he didn’t move too fast or snap his way in too hard. “Keep breathing, Taeyongie.”

“Y-Yuta...Yukkuri,” Taeyong gasped, his shoulders melting into the sheets as he willed oxygen in and out of his lungs, “Ah...It’s so…”

“Tight,” Yuta finished for him, grunting, falling to his forearms on either side of Taeyong’s head once he reached his hilt. He pressed a hard kiss to Taeyong’s lips. “I’m...all the way in. Are you okay?”

There was a little wiggle of Taeyong’s hips, the other adjusting just a little bit before he nodded. He let go of Yuta’s arms, palms smoothing over the bites of his nails. “It’s...good. It feels good,” he smiled shyly and Yuta impulsively kissed him again. 

“I’m going to start moving.”

Taeyong’s back arched, hips raised to meet Yuta’s as he worked in and out of him. His legs latched tightly around Yuta’s waist and his arms did their best to hold onto his shoulders until they could no longer. Falling back onto the bed he opted to grip the pillows instead while he urged Yuta to go “H-harder...more... _ please _ .” 

With a low moan of his own Yuta complied, bringing one hand to Taeyong’s hips in order to change the angle, aiming for that sweet spot that would have Taeyong screaming. “Yuta!” Taeyong whined when he found it and Yuta couldn’t help but smirk. “Y-Yuta...I… I’m so…” Taeyong tried his hardest to bring his arms back to Yuta’s shoulders but every muscle felt weightlessly immovable. “T-touch me?”

He didn’t need to be told twice. The hand that wasn’t bracing himself over Taeyong’s body snaked between them, taking hold of Taeyong’s length and pumping him to the quick pace of his hips. Without his inhibitions Taeyong continued to cry out over and over again until his body jolted and he came between them-- over Yuta’s hand and onto both of their stomachs. Taeyong clenched tightly around him, dragged Yuta over his own edge very quickly afterwards. 

While Taeyong fell limp against the bed, only his legs still loosely attached to Yuta’s waist, Yuta rode out the remainder of his orgasm. It took all of his energy not to fall on top of Taeyong. But he was better than that; he promised Taeyong better than that. So with one long and gentle kiss to Taeyong’s parted and panting lips, Yuta removed himself and left the bed to get cleaned up. He brought back a damp washcloth to help the other do the same.

“How’re you feeling?” He asked softly, sitting on the edge of the bed and dragging the warm cloth over Taeyong’s stomach. 

“Good,” the other replied breathlessly, adjusting just slightly so Yuta could wipe over his thighs and ass as well. “Great actually,” he managed a weak smile. His hand reached across to catch Yuta’s before he got up again and Taeyong pulled him towards him for another kiss. “Thank you...I...I liked that a lot.”

Yuta kissed him eagerly, letting their lips press together for a short while before he broke away. “I’m glad. I like you a lot.” 

“God you’re so cheesy,” Taeyong rolled his eyes but his hand still inched out until he snagged Yuta’s and pulled him back on top of him. 

Yuta was wrong earlier. There was no Taeyong more beautiful than  _ now _ , with his lips kiss-swollen and his cheeks tinted a rosy and flushed aftersex pink, his chest still rising and falling heavily as he tried to regain himself. There was still a glassy glaze of lust and satisfaction in his eyes that made Yuta want to prep them for another round already. He wouldn’t-- Taeyong looked thoroughly exhausted, but maybe for the next time. At the very least he filed this sight away into his memory to keep forever. 

Yuta’s arms slipped around Taeyong’s waist and he rolled off of him until they were both on their sides. “Thank you,” he whispered, brushing Taeyong’s dark hair back from his face.

“Huh? Shouldn’t I thank you?”

“No,” Yuta chuckled, “I don’t think so.”

“But then…”

“Thank you for trusting me,” he finished. “It means a lot to me.”

Taeyong smiled, resting his forehead on Yuta’s shoulder and pressing his lips to his skin. “Thank you for taking care of me… I...never thought it could be that nice to be that close with someone. I’m happy it’s you.”

“Me too,” Yuta tugged him closer to his chest, his chin resting on the top of Taeyong’s bowed head. “Me too.” 

“But…”

Yuta let out a sound of confusion, breaking them apart no sooner than they’d come together.

“We have to shower again… And change sheets. There’s no way we can go to sleep like this.” 

“Fine, but you’re showering with me again in return.” Begrudgingly Yuta removed himself from Taeyong completely and padded his way to start the shower. But truly he loved this part of his soulmate just as much, if not more, than the Taeyong that laid beneath him moments ago. 

“You’re changing the sheets too,” he called after a moment hustling into the bathroom afterwards to avoid the used towels Taeyong flung towards his head.


	9. Epilogue pt. 2

“Let’s go home,” Jaehyun encouraged, an arm tentatively slipping over Doyoung’s shoulders. They’d been standing in the entrance of Incheon International Airport for about thirty minutes now, getting cut every so often by the crisp September air whenever the sliding doors parted to welcome new travelers.

Taeyong was well past security, leaving behind nothing more than an eager wave and a nervous smile as he stepped out of view and on the path of  _ no return _ to Japan. “He’s returning in a few months for Christmas,” Jaehyun chided gently. “You’re being overdramatic, Doyoung.”

“But-...”

“No ‘buts.’ We’re going back to school and getting hot chocolate.”

Doyoung remained silent for a few beats more. His dark eyes still hadn’t strayed too far from where Taeyong had vanished. Though he knew that his best friend was probably at his gate, on his flight, or at the very least preparing to board, and wouldn’t pop back to give him another look (or better yet jump back into Doyoung and Jaehyun’s arms and return with them to their home) he still couldn’t will himself away. There were a lot of  _ What ifs _ going on in his head.

_ “What if Taeyong decided against it?” _

_ “What if he wants to come home?” _

_ "What if I never get to see him again?” _

None of them would be answered by just standing in the entrance to the airport but dammit Doyoung at least wanted to hope it would be okay. 

“It’ll be okay,” Jaehyun reassured him in that weirdly sort of psychic way of his. It sent a chill up Doyoung’s spine. “He’ll contact us when he gets there. You can text or call him every day. And then we’ll see him in December.” 

“Okay,” Doyoung finally relented. His eyes trailed along the floor as he finally turned his back on the security line and started to step out of the airport. A few second of silence and then a pouting voice added, “I want hot chocolate before we go back to campus.”

Jaehyun chuckled, “Of course. It’ll be my treat.”

They sat together silently on the subway, Doyoung with his hands warming around his untouched drink and Jaehyun passing the time by reading something on his phone, until reaching their stop. Jaehyun returned his phone to his pocket and smiled towards his sullen looking friend. “I’ll see you after work, okay?”

He turned, until fingers grasped around his sleeve and tugged him back.

“Can you skip work tonight?”

“Skip? Doyoung you know I-....” Jaehyun’s gaze softened as he looked back. “Yeah, I’ll call my boss just give me a moment.” 

When they returned to the apartment Doyoung moved immediately to his room. Jaehyun expected as much. He was always like this when he was sad-- quiet and moody. When he opened his mouth it was usually a whine or a demand. But he needed someone around for when things hurt too much, when the words crawled their way out of his mouth faster than he could collect them all. Jaehyun had been with Doyoung long enough to know all the intricacies of his emotions. So even if taking off work didn’t mean he’d be immediately taking care of his friend, just being available was useful enough.

At 19:00 Jaehyun made them both a quick dinner that Doyoung only poked his chopsticks at.

At 22:00 Doyoung finally scurried out of his room to take a shower.

At 22:44 Jaehyun heard the shower turn off but Doyoung’s sniffling didn’t stop.

At 22:50 Jaehyun shifted in his seat to face Doyoung as he finally took the seat across from him.

“I miss him,” he said softly, trying not to sniff hard as if Jaehyun hadn’t already heard him crying. 

“I know Doyoung…” A hand rested on his shoulder and rubbed gently. “I know you do.”

“Jaehyun I…. I never… I just…”

“What is it? Try to say it if you can?” He rubbed over Doyoung’s upper arm as if the action could help move his words up his throat a bit.

“I never told him that I…” A pause. ‘Love’ was the word Doyoung wanted. “Liked him,” was what he said instead. But Jaehyun knew it all, already. He parted his lips to reply but Doyoung pushed on. The dam was already broken. “All these years and I didn’t say anything. I knew we weren’t soulmates or anything but for a little bit I hoped, you know? I wanted it. I wanted us to be destined somehow so we could be together. Maybe not by Fate, but maybe something else. I was hoping maybe he’d like me too, one day…”

Jaehyun stayed silent for a beat after Doyoung’s voice trailed off. But when he moved to speak he was once again cut off.

“And I can’t help but think, maybe, I hate the whole soulmate thing because I don’t have one. I’m not meant to have one. Maybe my family is just cursed to be alone or loveless. Or alone  _ and _ loveless. Maybe my great-great-great-grandfather cursed us and now I’ll never be able to tell Taeyong that I love-- liked him. I’ll never be with him. I’ll never be with anyone,” he choked back a sob, though when his eyes met Jaehyun’s his cheeks were already well wetted by his tears. Jaehyun adjusted, leaving his seat in favor of standing and pulling Doyoung into his arms. And he held onto him tightly until Doyoung had managed to cry out everything in him. 

“It’s not true,” he whispered, a hand running through Doyoung’s black hair when he felt the other’s sobs turn into gentle hiccups. “I promise you, Doyoung, it’s not true. You’re not destined to be alone.”

“How do you know?”

“I know. Trust me, I know.”

After Doyoung fell asleep in his arms, Jaehyun carried him back into his own room and took the towel he’d been using to dry his hair back to the bathroom in preparation for his own shower. Doyoung’s crush had never been a secret between the two of them, even if he liked to pretend he was sneaky about it. But his deep seated fear of loneliness was not something Jaehyun was prepared for. He felt like, maybe, he had a solution that could shake away all those negative thoughts from his best friend’s heart. Maybe he could help. Or maybe...he’d hurt their friendship beyond repair. 

Jaehyun had a lot to think about.

x

The two of them became friends at a very early age. Jaehyun’s mom moved with him back to Korea, into her mother’s house, while his dad remained in Connecticut for work. The intent was to earn enough in the United States to move them all into a nice flat in Gangnam. Jaehyun though liked the more suburban area his grandmother resided in. He liked being with her, too. So the thought of moving wasn’t very appealing to the four-year-old.

Then, when he met Doyoung, he was even less inclined to go anywhere.

He stumbled (literally) across the boy while running around a park one afternoon, trying to chase a particularly fat, gray squirrel that had caught his eye.

“Ow!” the thin black haired boy exclaimed when Jaehyun tripped over his legs and fell face first into the wood chips. His knees stung, scraped up and bloody, and he could feel tears welling up behind his eyes as he brushed away the dark dirt to reveal pockets of red on his palms. “S-sorry,” he stammered, turning to the other boy. 

When he laid eyes on him all his crying stopped. In fact, it was more than that...his chest felt really warm and his stomach got all butterfly-like, like when his grandma would ask him to perform the songs he was learning in school. He didn’t understand any of it, but he didn’t dislike it. 

“Are you okay?” The other boy asked, looking at the mess Jaehyun had made to his hands and knees. 

Jaehyun merely nodded, “yeah, I’m-- oh, your ear!”

“Huh?” One of the black-haired boy’s hands clamped quickly over his ear, causing him to wince. He was panicked something had happened-- was it bleeding? Did he get stung by a bee, he asked.

“No,” Jaehyun laughed. “You have the same mark on your right earlobe as I do!”

Sure enough, as the other boy shifted tentatively to his knees to get a closer look, he made out the birthmark that took over about half of Jaehyun’s ear. And it looked like a little flower (a violet, his mom called it), just like his own. 

“Woah,” he breathed out in awe. “I’ve never met anyone else with something like it.”

“Me neither!” Jaehyun beamed. “I think it’s a sign that we should be friends.”

Their mothers hitting it off soon after sealed the deal. When Jaehyun turned five, the same month that Doyoung turned six, they started going to the same school in the same class because Jaehyun had started early in America. His Korean was still accented and making friends turned out to be  more difficult than he thought considering his classmates were wary (and jealous) of his young age. Doyoung helped him with that, though. He brought him to his table at lunch and walked him home when the bullies got too aggressive. They’d do homework together. Jaehyun was grateful. The slightly older boy made him feel not so alone in a new school in a new country. 

Outside of school they alternated visiting each other’s houses and coming across one another in the park, until one day Doyoung showed up outside Jaehyun’s house late into the night. They were older now, a few years into their friendship; Doyoung, nine and Jaehyun, eight. The older was crying. Though his head was down and wet fringe masked his eyes, Jaehyun could still discern the rain from his falling tears. That and...it was like he felt something strong in his own chest. Something that told Jaehyun Doyoung was in pain. 

He hurried him inside just as his grandmother called, “Jaehyun-ah who’s there?” 

“Doyoung, halmoni! We’re going to go to my room.”

“Aish, child it’s so  _ late _ ,” Jaehyun could hear her slippers shuffling across the floor and he tried to get Doyoung out of his shoes and up the stairs before she arrived. He wasn’t successful, but when she saw Doyoung’s sullen state all of the annoyance in her expression dissipated. “Oh child… Jaehyun, hurry upstairs and get him into some dry clothes. I’ll make tea.” 

The youngest nodded, thin fingers wrapping around Doyoung’s wrist as he led him to his room. The whole time Jaehyun spent searching for warm clothes in Doyoung’s size the other remained silent. Even after he changed it took a long while before he said a word. Jaehyun didn’t mind, completely. He sat across from his friend quietly, offering up food and drinks and games that were all turned away with a simple shake of the head. So then Jaehyun opted to wait until Doyoung was ready to speak to him instead.

“My parents,” Doyoung started, voice small. “Keep fighting… They’re yelling at each other all the time. It’s so loud,” he sniffed “I hate it.” 

Jaehyun’s lips parted but he didn’t know what to say. He shifted closer instead, placing his hand on his friend’s shoulder. 

“They never used to be like this but...I think they were hiding it. Now it’s nonstop. What do I do Jaehyun? I hate it. I hate it so much.”

When Doyoung started crying again, Jaehyun pulled him into his arms. “You can stay here tonight,” he offered, because he couldn’t say anything else. “Halmoni won’t mind.”

But it was more than a sleepover could fix. While Doyoung wasn’t the victim of his parents’ tirades, he certainly wasn’t coming out of that household unscathed. The yelling, the throwing of  things, the swearing...Doyoung came to school shaken one morning because his dad had punched a hole in the wall. And all Jaehyun could do was offer his shoulder to cry on and his home for refuge. 

When they reached middle school they had to attend a health class based all around “soulmates.” Jaehyun had already noticed how how friends started indulging in romantic feelings and chasing their crushes. None of it appealed to Jaehyun. None of the tales of snuck kisses in the locker rooms or first times holding hands enticed him like it did his friends. He didn’t think much of it at any time, and learning about “soulmates” was a nice concept but nothing that appealing to him. He liked being around his friends; he didn’t ache for anything more. Their teacher broached the topic with a bright grin, sharing the wonders of fate-determined love and all the signs that linked people together-- ink stains on skin, matching scratches, birthmarks of every shape and size. It caused Jaehyun to pause, his hand raising to his right earlobe. He rubbed the mark gently, eyes shifting to Doyoung who sat sour faced on the other end of the room. 

“Can you believe that bullshit?” Doyoung asked when they reconvened after the class.

Jaehyun winced at the expletive. He’d let one slip in front of his grandmother a few weeks back and was smacked silly with her wooden spoon. Just the memory had him fearful even when  _ others _ used them. 

“Soulmates? I can’t believe anyone buys into that.”

“I don’t know, Doyoung, I didn’t think it was that crazy.” The mark on his ear burned hotter than his cheeks. Hotter than Doyoung’s visible rage.

“The fate’s don’t know shit. My parents aren’t perfect for each other,” Doyoung spat back.  “Anyone who believes they’ll find perfection is a moron.”

Jaehyun opened his mouth to speak but Doyoung cut in to declare, “I’m never going to have a soulmate. I never want to.”

“Really, Doyoung? Never?”

“Ever,” he replied, steadfast. 

The next week Jaehyun came to school with newly pierced ears. 

x

“You should tell him,” Taeyong advised over their video call. It wasn’t the first time they’d spoken since Taeyong’s move but it was their first one-on-one without Doyoung. Jaehyun was careful to broach the topic, not wanting to make his best friend feel bad about the crush their other best friend never had the guts to talk about. But he had a good in with Yuta flitting in and out of the laptop screen, occasionally joining the conversation. And after he popped away, and Jaehyun could ask how the soulmate was, he was able to bridge it into the topic of his own.

“I wish I’d known Jaehyun.”

“I haven’t told anyone,” he interjected. “I just didn’t want anything to get awkward.”

“So why do you want to bring it up now?”

“I mean…” Jaehyun had to pause.  _ “It’s because he’s so tormented from you leaving, his heart is in two. I want to show him that he’s not without hope. I want to show him that there’s a lot more love in his life than he thinks, even if it’s just from his friends.” _  Instead he said, “We’re graduating at the end of the year and I think he should know sooner rather than later.” He scratched the back of his neck, “I don’t want him to do anything about it if he doesn’t want to. I just want him to know, you know?”

Taeyong nodded once. “I think you should tell him,” he repeated. “Do you know how you’re going to?”

“No clue,” Jaehyun laughed awkwardly. “But I’ll figure it out.”

“I have faith,” Taeyong smiled, and when Yuta returned to wrap his arms around Taeyong’s shoulders he smiled too. “I’ll always have faith in you, Jaehyun.”

Seeing the two of them together gave Jaehyun hope. He’d never hated the idea as much as their third friend but maybe, hopefully albeit begrudgingly, seeing a success story would help Doyoung come around too.

x

“What’re we doing here?” Doyoung asked with a quirked brow, stepping up out of the subway station and into the bustling Hongdae streets. 

“You’ve been so sad I thought it’d be nice to change it up,” Jaehyun returned, smiling easily. Doyoung scanned over his face for something else in his words-- lies or deceptions, maybe a joke at his expense, but there was none of it. Not that he thought his friend was trying to play him. They just never, in the course of all their years as university students, went out to nicer places on a whim. Not even when Taeyong had graduated. 

“This feels like a lot.”

“You can drop the skepticism. I promise you’re not about to get punk’d,” Jaehyun nudged his arm but he was tense under his light jacket. No pranks. Just a confession, if he could muster it. “Come on,” he tugged on the sleeve of Doyoung’s jacket, “we’re going to go sing our hearts out.”

Two hours of noraebang later, and both Doyoung and Jaehyun were rubbing at their sore throats. “Two  _ hours,  _ Jaehyun, are you insane?”

“I mean, we did it didn’t we?” he laughed back. “Nice to know you still haven’t lost your touch.” Doyoung had always been one of the best singers between them, even natural, untrained, and unpracticed. Jaehyun wasn’t too shy about his own voice either but he definitely enjoyed hearing melodies play out in Doyoung’s tone.

“It’s too bad Taeyong wasn’t here to cover the raps for us,” Doyoung lamented but with a lot less of the heavy, longing sadness that had permeated all of his other comments about their friend since he left.

“Hey! I did well,” Jaehyun pouted. 

“Yeah, I guess you did. Have you been practicing?”

“Not a chance.” He definitely had, on the days Doyoung stayed late in the library or had club meetings. “I’m just a natural.” 

“So now what? Street food? Since it seems like you planned a whole evening.”

“Almost. This way,” Jaehyun waved Doyoung down a side street, away from the busking and the street performers and towards one of his favorite hole-in-the-wall bbq restaurants.

“Woah, Jaehyun seriously?” Doyoung’s eyes blew wide. “It’s not even my birthday.”

“I know, but it’s your favorite,” he beamed back. “Let’s grab that seat in the corner.”

With all of their favorites now in front of them Doyoung eyed Jaehyun suspiciously. When Jaehyun met his gaze after stuffing his face with spicy pork he almost choked. “Can I help you?” He asked after swallowing.

“Give it up. You have to tell me what all of this is about,” Doyoung pressed.

“Can’t a friend take out another friend?”

“No.”

“Brat. You’ve been so  _ sad,  _ what else am I supposed to do?”

“You make tea when I’m sad. Not plan elaborate days out on school nights.”

Doyoung caught him there. Funny how his friend could be so perceptive and so oblivious all at once.

He debated for a long moment. He brought Doyoung out for a reason and he hadn’t yet expressed what that reason was. Eventually he was going to, maybe once their dinner was settling and they were lulled gently into the beginnings of a food coma. Maybe on the way home, on the train, where there was nothing for Doyoung to slam or flip; and nowhere for him to storm out to. Maybe once they got home, in the comfort of a private space. Jaehyun had debated the merits of all these places. And Doyoung was ruining his plan by keying in too forcefully to Jaehyun’s intent.  _ “If only you knew,” _ he thought with a sad smile to himself.  _ “You might not want to ask.” _

“Fine,” he relented. “But hear me out first okay?”

At least with their food still in front of them Doyoung would be less likely to cause a scene. They both hated to waste. 

“Do you remember how we became friends?”

Doyoung’s eyebrows pinched together. “When we were kids in the park? You tripped.”

“Uh huh, and?”

“And… you were a bloody crying mess and it really freaked me out?”

Jaehyun didn’t look amused. Doyoung cracked up.

“I mean you did! Uhm… What else…” He tapped his index finger to his lips, then remembered their meal and popped a piece of meat between his lips. “Oh! Your ear.”

“Right, okay, well…” Jaehyun started. But now he was feeling flustered. His stomach twisted out of concern. He’d already said goodbye to one friend, he didn’t exactly want to lose the other. But...if, by chance, Doyoung could feel better about the world. If he could accept Jaehyun without the pressure to give anything back. If they could just remain friends, with an added layer of reassurance that Doyoung never needed to be alone, then it would be worth it. Jaehyun reached up to fiddle with the backing of his piercing, pulling the stud from his earlobe and revealing the tiny violet; still pristine, despite the hole through its center. “Remember how our birthmarks match?”

Doyoung nodded dumbly. 

Jaehyun tried again. “Our  _ birthmarks match _ . Think about it. And when we met, how you felt, if it was like how I felt. All safe and warm and like we’d known each other forever. Like we were...” 

A switch flipped in Doyoung’s brain and his eyes went wide, horror etching itself into his features. “J-jaehyun… No, you’re not…”

“Yeah, Doyoung,” His tongue wet his bottom lip. “You said before, after Taeyong left, how worried you were about being alone forever. But… you don’t have to be. I know you hate the idea of soulmates but we’ve been friends for so long so...I hope you won’t hate me.”

Doyoung looked stricken. Like every horror imaginable came at him at once. He couldn’t say anything back so he turned his attention to their meal and ate hurriedly. It wasn’t like him to waste food. 

“I don’t want anything other than to be your friend, by the way,” he added. “I’m not confessing for you to fall for me. I just wanted you to know.” After that Jaehyun didn’t push further, poking around his own portion of the meal instead. He wasn’t hungry. His stomach had knotted itself up in more ways that one but they’d spent the money so he’d eat what he could. He found himself grateful that Doyoung hadn’t just left… but the way his friend would occasionally tug at his ear, as if to pull the marking right off, reminded Jaehyun that this moment wouldn’t be easy. It never would’ve been easy. This pain had ingrained itself so much into Doyoung’s being that he probably couldn’t even isolate himself from his hatred of soulmates. And again...Jaehyun didn’t blame him. He just didn’t want his friend to be so sad.

They finished and paid. Doyoung insisted on covering since Jaehyun had taken care of karaoke. It was the only time he spoke to Jaehyun since his “confession.” 

Jaehyun fidgeted slightly in his seat on the subway ride to their dorm. It wasn’t often that he felt angry or uncomfortable but now was certainly one of those times. He wasn’t asking anything of Doyoung. And he didn’t get why soulmates were always assumed to be romantic partners. What was wrong with staying friends? That’s all Jaehyun wanted, and since they’d survived the last 18 years together he figured they’d be in a good enough place to continue that. Now it seemed like Doyoung was ignoring that fact, like he was doubting their friendship since fate seemed to have a say in it. Jaehyun didn’t want to be angry. He knew logically that he’d brushed against a sore spot of his best friend’s and had prepared for the response. But it still hurt… to be so ignored when all Jaehyun wanted was to reassure him.

Doyoung slipped into the apartment so quickly that their front door almost closed on Jaehyun’s face. He knew it wasn’t intentional, but the slam of Doyoung’s bedroom door quickly after didn’t help him feel any better about it. He thought about knocking, apologizing, offering to go back to the ignorance one of them had. But Jaehyun never liked sleeping on this secret. He never really liked listening to Doyoung aggressively slander his unknown soulmate, proclaiming, “I’ve never met you and I hope I never will” on nights when he had a little too much to drink and his sadness bled into all of his actions. Jaehyun  _ understood  _ it, but it didn’t mean he liked bearing the brunt of Doyoung’s past. He also didn’t ask to be Doyoung’s soulmate, but the difference was that he respected his friend enough to let it be. He was hoping Doyoung would offer him the same.

Instead Doyoung avoided Jaehyun as best he could. (No wonder he and Taeyong got along so well; sometimes they were two of a kind.) At most they’d pass each other on the way from their rooms to the bathroom. Jaehyun tried offering up study sessions and cooked meals, which Doyoung would sometimes reheat the leftovers of, but they didn’t meet. 

Jaehyun’s patience was wearing thin. He didn’t sign up for this. Or maybe he did, but he didn’t want any of it. He was growing tired of being so constantly understanding. Even he had a breaking point, despite how much he truly cherished Doyoung’s friendship.

x

Doyoung approached him first, a week after that fruitless dinner.

“Can we talk?”

“Uh, yeah that’s… I was hoping we could.”

“Me first, okay?”

They took their places opposite each other on their small couch. Doyoung’s eyes couldn’t reach Jaehyun’s, so instead he looked at his hands fidgeting in his lap.

“I was really, uh, confused I guess. Well, no, I was angry first but then I felt confused because I’ve never seen you pursue anyone in all the time we’ve known each other. And when I thought that maybe that’s because you were holding out for me I got really...angry again, and sad, and guilty. And I’d made you sit back while I pined after Taeyong which wasn’t fair and--”

Jaehyun’s hand fell on Doyoung’s shoulder to stop him. The elder flinched, looking at Jaehyun now with wide eyes.

“It’s not that,” Jaehyun reassured him slowly. “I wasn’t waiting.”

“Okay, but then?”

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun inhaled slowly. Words that he’d come to terms with. Words that he embraced as part of himself, his identity. Words he’d yet to share with either of his best friends. “I’m asexual and aromantic.” He let them hang in the air between the pair for a moment before continuing.  “We don’t have to do anything at all. Nothing has to change, if you don’t want. I just didn’t want you to feel so lonely so I figured I’d...tell you...” His voice trailed off a bit. He’d thought it was a good idea. Taeyong had supported the idea. And yet now Jaehyun wasn’t really sure.

The words lingered between them, Doyoung’s brows pinching just a bit. “I don’t,” he started and then stopped, leaving Jaehyun feeling that same weird sort of twist in his gut. “I don’t want to think about this right now, actually. Sorry Jaehyun… Just give me some time.” 

x

Jaehyun agreed to time. Time made sense. Time seemed logical. Doyoung had a lot to reconcile with; not only with his thoughts on soulmates and Jaehyun, being his best friend, revealing himself as said soulmate, but also with the fact that their sexualities didn’t exactly align well. Jaehyun had wanted to talk through that, too, but after saying he needed time Doyoung had promptly ended the conversation. It left a lot of room for misunderstanding.

In the midst of ignoring him Doyoung started to see a  _ lot _ of other people. He seemed fixated on his phone, always swiping between people and replying to stacks on stacks of messages. He didn’t spare Jaehyun a single moment. The most that passed between them were Jaehyun’s greetings, the occasional attempt to ask Doyoung to join him for dinner, and hurried dismissals of, “Sorry Jae, going to meet someone.” Jaehyun wasn’t stupid. He knew the app was Tinder, that the “someone”s were dates. He had the not-so-pleasurable experience of hearing Doyoung with one of them on a weeknight and had the unfortunate responsibility to confront Doyoung the next morning. “I don’t mind just...could you be quieter or go to his place?” 

_ I don’t mind _ , though, wasn’t exactly right. He did mind. Not because he was jealous. But Jaehyun at least felt like he deserved some sort of response. He wanted Doyoung to own up and say something like,  _ “Even if we’re soulmates I don’t see you like that and I don’t want to change anything in our relationship.” _ Because instead their relationship had already changed.  Demolished itself really, and Jaehyun wasn’t happy about it.

“Right sorry, I forgot you don’t like that kind of stuff ‘cause you’re…well, you know.”

“Uh, excuse me? I don’t like it because it’s hard to study when you’re moaning so loud I can hear it through the wall. My sexuality has nothing to do with it.”

Doyoung’s cheeks burned a bright red and he shuffled past Jaehyun quicker than the other could catch him. “God damn it,” Jaehyun huffed under his breath, debating following Doyoung out the door and giving up on the idea only a second after.

x

“This is eating me alive,” Doyoung put his head in his hands as he groaned into the silence around him. He had the place to himself. In fact since their last chat Jaehyun hadn’t really been around all that much. Doyoung really had fucked up this time. He had put his friends through a lot of shit in the past; a number of mood swings and selfish actions but nothing had ever pushed Jaehyun away like this. His friend would always at least still  _ be there _ , and often with a cup of coffee. Doyoung couldn’t even recall the last time he’d heard Jaehyun in their kitchen and that was  _ weird _ . 

But _ he _ was tired too! Meeting people took a lot of energy and he was tired of walking on eggshells trying to avoid Jaehyun with whomever he had in tow.  _ “That’s your own doing,” _ a voice that sounded suspiciously like Taeyong’s echoed in his head, and it pissed Doyoung off even more. He never asked for any of this in the first place. He never wanted a goddamn soulmate. 

He flipped the cover of his laptop open and sunk deep into his desk chair. A finger hovered over his Skype call button. He should just do it. Jaehyun obviously wasn’t around to listen to him and Doyoung was the type to explode if he didn’t eventually talk to  _ somebody _ ; none of his dates counted as people worth talking to. His palms plastered themselves to his face when he hit “call,” heart racing as he waited.

He didn’t wait a second once the connecting tone ended to spill his guts, “I can’t do this Taeyong I think I’ve really  _ really _ fucked up now. Jaehyun hasn’t been around in days and I don’t know what to say to him but it’s also not my fault he knows how I feel about soulmates and like what if Jaehyun isn’t who I want to be with? I don’t know that for sure but I don’t want to try it out and find that it’s all wrong and hurt him. I’ve already lost you, like, do I have to lose him too? But I guess I’ve already hurt him so--”

“Doyoung?” A voice that was definitely not Taeyong’s cut in. 

“Oh?” Doyoung peeled his fingers from his eyes to reveal Yuta’s face on his laptop.  _ Fuck _ . Not like Yuta was the last person Doyoung wanted to see...; but on most days Yuta was definitely the last person Doyoung ever wanted to see. “Oh…I-I’m sorry I was hoping to talk to Taeyong.”

“He’s in the shower,” Yuta smiled and wow, it was bright and rather pretty. God damn him. “But he should be finished in a few minutes so I figured I’d answer for him. Is..uh...everything...okay?” 

Doyoung looked stricken, Yuta pressed on, “Okay sorry it sounds like nothing is okay. Let me try again. What’s going on? I might be able to help?” 

“No,” Doyoung replied quickly, “I don’t think you-- it’s okay. I’ll just talk to Taeyong later. I--”

“So, what’s going on with Jaehyun?” Yuta’s head tilted slightly. “I didn’t think Jaehyun had it in him to get mad at anyone. Are you sure he’s upset?”

“I-...” Doyoung repeated, caught between a rock and a hard place; between screaming and slamming his laptop shut or throwing up. With a heavy sigh and a slump of his shoulders he gave in, “I’m sure he’s upset. I upset him.” 

“You?” Yuta seemed genuinely surprised. “Because Jaehyun likes you or something and you turned him down?” 

Doyoung winced, “You’re really forward with your words aren’t you?”

Yuta only beamed back. 

“It’s...not that exactly. It’s not that he  _ likes _ me I don’t think but he’s. We’re. Soulmates.” The word tasted foul on his lips and now Doyoung really wanted to throw up. 

“That’s great!” Doyoung’s face fell. “Wait that’s not great sorry! Sorry, I forgot for a second.”

“I think I’m going to go.”

“No wait! I think you should talk to Taeyong and he’ll be done soon. I just heard the shower turn off.” They both knew that still meant at least ten minutes more before Taeyong’s skin care routine was completed, and Yuta tried to fill the dead air. “Can I say something?”

With a groan Doyoung’s head fell back against his chair. “Go for it,” he added with a weak flip of his hand. He had nothing else to lose now. 

“Soulmates are scary. Like outright terrifying. When Taeyong’s handwriting appeared on my arm I was ready to run to Osaka and talk to the priest in our neighborhood about expelling demons. And then when we were first supposed to Skype I was  _ terrified _ .”

Doyoung visibly scowled.  _ “You have the best person in the world at your side and you were scared of him? I knew you didn’t deserve--”  _ he choked the thought down. “So…?” 

“It’s scary. Even if it wasn’t Jaehyun it would be scary and you’d probably feel as angry and upset and scared as you do now.”

“I’m not scared!”

“But,” Yuta continued despite the interruption, “I feel like knowing the Jaehyun I know and the one Taeyong’s talked about, he isn’t the type who would pressure you into anything. He also wouldn’t be upset if you decided you didn’t want to be with him. He’s your friend. He respects you. Don’t you think you should show him the same?”

“Who says I’m not…” he muttered back.

“Just taking a guess from what you said earlier,” Yuta shrugged. “But even if he’s hurt I’m sure he’ll forgive you. Just talk to him? I’m not the best at communication myself but I’m at least better than Taeyong.” 

“Who the hell are you talking shit to behind my back?” 

Something in Doyoung’s chest fluttered uncomfortably when he heard his best friend’s voice echo through his headphones. 

“Doyoung called for you,” Yuta grinned, inching his seat over so Taeyong (in boxers and a thin white t-shirt, hair still wet with a towel around his neck ready to end Doyoung’s life) could come into frame. 

“Doyoung?” Taeyong smiled too, but Doyoung’s eyes were fixated instead on the way his hand fell onto the back of Yuta’s neck and his fingers started playing with his hair. It was so easy for the two of them. Couldn’t something like that be just as easy for Doyoung? “Hey, what’s going on?”

“Nothing really. I just wanted to say hi.”

Yuta moved to say something but Doyoung shot him a half sharp half pleading look. 

“Hi,” Taeyong smiled. “I miss you. Are you and Jaehyun doing well?” 

“Uh...It’s okay. We’re okay.”

Taeyong raised a brow.

“I kind of pissed him off but...I’m going to make it better.”

“Oh,” a pause. “ _ Oh _ .” Taeyong recalled the conversation he and Jaehyun had a few weeks back. Had he said something? He chewed on his lip, contemplating asking when Yuta cut in with a smack to his arm. “Stop that. You’re going to make yourself bleed again.”

“Shut up,” Taeyong outright  _ whined _ . It was strange for Doyoung to see them like this. Every time Yuta had visited, Taeyong made it a point to keep a healthy amount of distance, probably in hopes of appeasing Doyoung. He’d silently appreciated it then but now...now it sort of felt nice to see Taeyong act so naturally  _ cute _ with Yuta.

“I’m not cute,” he snipped and Doyoung gulped because he didn’t realize he’d said that outloud. 

“You’re cute, hyung. Just deal with it.” And for the first time in a while Doyoung’s smile reached the corners of his eyes. “I have to go study. I’ll call you again soon? I want to hear about more about Japan.”

“Sure,” Taeyong smiled back. “Don’t be a stranger.” 

“You left the bathroom light on,” Yuta laughed as Taeyong went to investigate with a breathy “What?”

The Japanese male turned back to the camera. “For the record you didn’t lose Taeyong. He never stops talking about you. He’s here whenever you need him okay? But don’t lose Jaehyun in the meantime. I have faith in you--”

“The light isn’t on you bastard!”

“Oops! This might be the last you hear of me,” Yuta’s loud laughter rang through Doyoung’s ears. “Bye~!”

The screen went black, leaving Doyoung with nothing more than his stunned expression in the reflection.  _ Just talk to him. _ After weeks of avoiding him would it be that easy? Doyoung tried to go to bed, and sleep on the thought but found that he couldn’t rest at all.

The next morning was as eerily quiet as the last night had been besides the Skype call. The apartment felt empty. And when Doyoung crawled out of his room to find breakfast, everything seemed undisturbed. Had Jaehyun even come home? Doyoung didn’t like the thought of him not.

Today was the day he needed to talk to his best friend, Doyoung decided. If he didn’t he knew he’d never muster up the courage again.

_ EnergizeDy: hy  
_ _ EnergizeDy: where r u _

He stepped in the shower to avoid staring incessantly at his phone and was dismayed to see his screen totally empty when he returned.

_ EnergizeDy: Jae? _

Waiting wasn’t going to do anything. Waiting just made him feel antsy, and the ramyeon he ate for breakfast wasn’t sitting well in his stomach at all. _ “Maybe he’s at work,” _ he figured. It was Saturday and Jaehyun sometimes worked Saturdays. Not the best deduction but hopefully it would get him somewhere. 

Jaehyun wasn’t at the cafe. Doyoung thought about grabbing coffee and waiting for him but decided that would be too  _ weird _ . His friend wouldn’t want to be bombarded seconds before signing into a shift. (Would he want to be bombarded hours before a shift? Or a study session? Were either of those better? Doyoung was completely unsure). 

He tried the library next and didn’t see him at his favorite vending machine or their typical study spot. “Think Doyoung, _think,_ ” he implored. He knew Jaehyun better than this. He’d find him somewhere. 

The park was his next guess and, to his fortune, he spotted Jaehyun’s light chocolate hair and dimpled smile through the bushes blocking his path. He smiled to himself, relieved. Until he noticed how he was bent over someone, arm resting against the tree they were talking against. Doyoung squinted. He knew her. Oh, Park Sooyoung? Aka the most talked about girl on their campus. He didn’t even know Jaehyun knew her. But clearly they were close enough that he could loom closely over her and crack a joke that made her smile widen and her fingers tuck her hair behind her ear. “ _ So that’s what it is then?”  _ Doyoung thought rather bitterly.  _ “Did you give up on me?” _

He waited until Jaehyun was left alone, head swimming in nasty thoughts that bounced between  _ “You fucked this up and lost your best friend” _ and  _ “He lied to me about being willing to wait.”  _ Neither made him feel good. And when Jaehyun turned to rest his back against the tree, a sigh and a small smile on his lips, Doyoung all but jumped him to settle this once and for all. 

“Doyoung?”

“So that’s it? Did I-...I keep you waiting too long and you’ve moved on to someone else?”

“What are you talking about?” Jaehyun’s brows pinched as he looked a very frantic Doyoung over. He was practically vibrating, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“I thought you were aromantic. Doesn’t that mean you don’t want to be with anyone? Or was that just a lie to get me not to freak out about us being soulmates? Very funny, Jaehyun. I know you get off on being the nicest guy on the planet-- well I guess you wouldn’t get off would you because--” 

His eyes went wide when the back of Jaehyun’s hand smacked his bicep, a little too hard to just be playful. “You asshole, do you ever even fucking  _ think _ before you speak?” Jaehyun asked, exasperated. “Your words fucking hurt. You don’t even know what you’re saying!”

“Well, what am I supposed to think?” Doyoung’s voice broke off in a whine when Jaehyun’s fingers wrapped tightly around his wrist and tugged him to a nearby bench. 

“You’re supposed to trust that I, as your  _ friend _ , wouldn’t lie to you. What the hell, man? Do I really come across so untrustworthy? After literally everything we’ve done together for the last eighteen years?”

Doyoung had yet to realize that his wrist was still in Jaehyun’s hold while the younger pressed on. “You can’t have it all ways. You can’t ignore me for almost a month and then get mad when I’m talking to other friends. So are you going to actually talk to me, or?” 

Doyoung’s head was swimming in Jaehyun’s questions, in the uncomfortable feeling in his gut from whatever he felt when he saw Sooyoung, and from the warmth that resonated through him at their point of contact. His eyes finally settled on they latched fingers and he pried himself away quickly. “I--- Yeah. Yes.  _ Yes. _ Jaehyun, let’s talk. I want to talk.”

Jaehyun folded his arms across his chest, “Then talk.” 

“I’m  _ sorry _ . I… I didn’t mean to just ignore you but I got scared, okay? You know that I...I hate being alone and I thought if all soulmates go badly then we’d go badly and I just lost Taeyong. The thought of losing you too was unbearable,” he paused for a breath then pushed on. “But ignoring you is how I’d lose you. I realized that after talking to Yuta. And so I wanted to find you to make it right because I really don’t want you to go anywhere. You’re--” Doyoung’s voice broke. He swallowed back the tears welling in his eyes because he hated crying and the last thing he wanted to do right now was cry in front of Jaehyun while the other was mad at him. And it hurt to think that way… because Jaehyun was the only person Doyoung ever felt comfortable crying in front of. “You’re so important to me. I’m sorry if I made you feel otherwise.”

Jaehyun seemed to steady in the wake of Doyoung’s tirade. He didn’t lick his lips or fidget with his fingers, just looked on Doyoung with an unwavering gaze until he’d finished and had to force his eyes away. He was always like this when it came to others; with an innate sense of empathy and the want to take care of people whenever he could. It grounded him to be trusted, but he couldn’t let that need to care for others override the importance of his own feelings now. “It hurt a lot,” he said after a moment, and despite how firm his shoulders were his small voice gave away Jaehyun’s youth and vulnerability. The strongest among them was still the baby of the group, after all. “You were so worried about being alone so I just wanted you to know that you wouldn’t have be alone if you didn’t want to be. But then  _ I _ was alone.”   
  
“I know, Jae....”

“While you ignored me and started fucking all these people and it hurt. It was like you didn’t even care about me as your friend.”

“I wasn’t-- I mean, I know, Jae, I-...”

“And then you accuse me of lying to you. Do you know how hard it was to come to terms with my sexuality? Sitting here, watching you and Taeyong develop crushes and chase after people and get involved and not wanting any of that? And feeling  _ weird _ because I didn’t, since everyone we spent time with in high school kept calling me a fag when I didn’t want to date.”

“N-no, I really don’t Jae… I just thought that you were in the same boat with us. We all got made fun of for not being with any of the girls. You never told me or Taeyong-- did you tell Taeyong?”

“I didn’t care to because I was happy being with you guys. Being with my  _ friends _ . I thought when it mattered and I told you it’d be fine but--” Jaehyun’s voice cracked. The tears pooling in his eyes had finally broken free and were streaming quickly down his cheeks. 

“Jaehyun, it is fine. It is,” Doyoung scrambled closer to his friend’s side, hands hovering, trembling, because he hadn’t touched Jaehyun in a few weeks now and wasn’t so sure he was free to now. He took the dive, swallowing hard as he brought the other male to his chest. “I’m sorry I didn’t understand. I still...don’t really get it. But I want to learn.” To his surprise Jaehyun pressed against him, fingers fisted in the material of his sweater while his body quaked with the force of his sobs. Doyoung’s hands settled on his back. “It’s okay. I’m sorry,” he repeated a few times over. “I should’ve done better by you. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“I know,” Jaehyun hiccuped quietly.

“But I did hurt you...so I’m sorry, Jaehyun.” 

“It’s okay.”

“Not yet,” Doyoung’s gaze fell to the grass at their feet. He heaved a sigh. “It’s not okay yet. But it will be. You’ve trusted me with a lot and I won’t mess that up again. I’ll make it up to you. You...You’re coming home tonight, right?”

Jaehyun nodded. 

“Where were you last night?” 

Jaehyun finally removed himself from Doyoung’s chest, dabbing at his eyes with the palm of his right hand to stop some of the remaining tears. “Library. I figured you’d have another boy over and didn’t want to deal with it. Sooyoung saw me in the morning and brought me coffee. She’s just gone through a bad break up so I was cheering her up when you...you know.” 

“That...was really shitty of me. All of this is really shitty of me. Have you even slept in the last 36 hours?”

Now that Doyoung had a closer look, the dark circles beneath Jaehyun’s eyes and the slight paleness to his cheeks told him no. The soft shake of Jaehyun’s head confirmed it. 

“Wow, I’m such an asshole,” Doyoung felt a little helpless. He couldn’t do anything about the past but let the guilt eat him up inside. “Sorry. I’ll do better by you. Let’s go home, we can start there?”

“What about all of your boyfriends?” Jaehyun asked as he detangled himself from Doyoung and stood on shaky legs.

“They’re definitely not my boyfriends.” 

“Fuck buddies?”

Doyoung’s cheeks burned bright. “We didn’t...actually...you know…” He cleared his throat. “We didn’t have sex. I thought a bit of fooling around would help me sort through my thoughts but I honestly just hated most of it. It didn’t feel right.”

“Ah…” Jaehyun had that ultra soft look in his eyes again; the one that Doyoung was intimately familiar with after all these years. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s my fault. I caused all these problems, and then more problems trying to run away from them. I should’ve just...talked to you.”

“You said you talked to Yuta?” Of course, Jaehyun wouldn’t forget a detail like that. Doyoung swallowed and let his cheeks color in further embarrassment before nodding. “Tried to catch Taeyong but I got him instead. He’s actually...kind of helpful. He and Taeyong are really good for each other. I didn’t notice that before.”

Jaehyun raised a brow.  _ “How mature,”  _ but saying it would probably send Doyoung spiraling in a fit of whines and Jaehyun really wasn’t ready for it. So instead he smiled and nodded, “Yeah, I think they are too.” 

Jaehyun cut the silence of their dorm when they entered with a casual “I’m going to shower,” as he dropped his bag on chair and headed into the bathroom. Though it wasn’t in the same short tone Doyoung had been using whenever he wanted to avoid the other, he couldn’t help but feel a twist of anxiety that Jaehyun was out of sight so soon. It gave Doyoung too much time to think. And when he was thinking things, everything tended to go to hell pretty quickly. So when Jaehyun returned in nothing but a towel around his waist Doyoung far too quickly blurted out, “Can we talk? Uh, some more I mean?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jaehyun was trying to offer up that leveled kindness he always doted on his friend but Doyoung noted quickly the redness lingering in his eyes and the sandpaper edge to his voice. “Let me put pants on?” But Doyoung already pulled him to the couch.

“If you’ll let me, I want a do over.”

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun’s head tilted slightly, fingers pushing through wet strands of light brown hair. Doyoung noticed his dark roots were showing more than usual. 

“Let’s pretend we’re at the restaurant and you’re telling me this again.”

“Doyoung, I don’t think I can just…”

“W-what do you want Jaehyun?” Doyoung’s fingers pushed through his own hair before settling his hand next to Jaehyun’s thigh. Not on; he didn’t want to make things more uncomfortable than they already were. He wasn’t sure if he was still allowed to touch his best friend. “As my soulmate, what would make you happiest? Like... do  _ you _ want us to date or…?”

“All I want is to stay friends,” Jaehyun finished for him, looking a little sour. He was tired of repeating himself. And for him this whole ‘soulmate’ thing didn’t need to be romantic. All Jaehyun had ever, and did ever want, was to be friends for life. To Jaehyun, Doyoung was grounding; he was home. He was the boy who helped correct his Korean when his four-year-old lips made mistakes. He just wanted to stay together, as roommates or neighbors, classmates, even coworkers, though Jaehyun’s double major in literature and psychology didn’t offer up many opportunities along Doyoung’s business path. “I don’t really mind if you want to see anyone else. As long as you’re always in my life I’ll be really happy, Doyoung.”

“But what if I,” he punctuated each with a pause, eyes searching desperately for a place to stare that wasn’t Jaehyun’s face, “wanted to try dating you?” 

“Oh,” Jaehyun’s eyes widened. “I, uh…We could. But we’d have to talk about it. Like the things you want to do while dating. I don’t…”  _ have a lot of interest in things like this. Don’t exactly know where my boundaries are when it comes to things done with my soulmate.  _ “I don’t know what it’ll be like so I want to make sure we’re both comfortable.”

“I don’t really have much of an idea myself,” Doyoung agreed but knew that what they were talking about was very inherently different. Doyoung had never dated because he was infatuated with Taeyong and caught in the trap of unrequited love. Jaehyun was...well… it was just different. 

“Do you want to start dating, Doyoung?” 

“I...don’t know,” he paused. “I think I just wanted to ask...for now. I’m not sure what I want. I’m...sorry, Jaehyun.”

There was still a lot of a tension in Jaehyun’s shoulders and a twisting deep in his gut. This didn’t exactly solve everything that had happened over the last few weeks. But he couldn’t fault the older male for at least trying. And for his attempts at communicating Jaehyun felt grateful. Even if they hadn’t moved too far forward at least they were no longer taking steps back. It was Jaehyun’s turn to reach out and rest his hand on Doyoung’s knee. “That’s okay. As long as we’re cool.”

Doyoung smiled, “We’re cool. I promise I won’t be an asshole anymore.”

x

While things settled between them Doyoung couldn’t help but notice how differently he perceived Jaehyun’s actions. Had he always left Doyoung coffee in the mornings when he had class first? Leftovers too, waiting in their small refrigerator for lunch. Or breakfast depending on Doyoung’s moods. He had, hadn’t he? And Doyoung had noticed and thanked him before (right? He racked his brain to remember) so why did it feel different? 

Doyoung took a sip of this morning’s brew, packed carefully in a heat retaining container and pulled out his phone.

__ EnergizeDy: thx  
__ ValentinesBoi: ?  
__ EnergizeDy: cofi   
__ ValentinesBoi: ??  
_ EnergizeDy: coffee!! Thank you for the coffee  
_ __ EnergizeDy sent a sticker

Jaehyun blinked down at the smiling bunny on his phone screen and typed out a confused  _ ‘You’re welcome?’ _

Doyoung exhaled into the thermos, steam fogging up his glasses in the process. Maybe he should start doing more in return. He remembered the first time he went home after he and Jaehyun opted to be roommates and how his cousins had teased him over Jaehyun’s kindness.

_ “Is he your boyfriend or something?” _

Doyoung had rolled his eyes then, still chest deep in the closet and not wanting to reveal anything further, but now...he guessed these things, these sweet and selfless actions that Jaehyun always gave to him and Taeyong, really were easy to perceive as “couple-y.” His lips pulled into a line because now it meant it had to figure out what being a “couple” meant to him; a rare moment of introspection. He remembered why he didn’t like this. 

x

“Does Yuta ever cook you breakfast?” Doyoung asked Taeyong over video chat a few nights later. He was determined to prepare dinner for himself and Jaehyun, and couldn’t remember their favorite of Taeyong’s recipes. 

“Did you add salt to the pot?” Taeyong asked back, eyeing Doyoung’s moves closely. “I won’t have you tarnish my name or my recipes.”

Muttering expletives under his breath, Doyoung quickly added the salt. “Okay,” he huffed, “everything is either in the oven or simmering. Will you answer my question now?”

“He doesn’t really. I’m the one that usually cooks for us.”

“Does it bother you?”

“Not really. You know I like cooking. Why?”

“Jaehyun does a lot around here… Do you think he hates me for not doing more?”

“Jaehyun’s always done a lot,” Taeyong pointed out. “But we all have. Don’t discount yourself.”

Doyoung sighed, “It’s not that… I just… can’t decide what I want to do.”

“About?” Taeyong’s head tilted slightly, cheek resting atop his fist as his brows pinched.

“I think that...Jaehyun does a lot of things I’d like a boyfriend to do for me.”

Taeyong was stunned silent, widened eyes being the only response Doyoung received. So he pressed on, “I’m not really sure since I never really dated but I mean he’s cute and...I like that there’s always coffee and bread in the morning…”

“Okay, but friends do that for each other too, Doyoung.”

“Yeah but you also do it for Yuta and you’re not just friends, right? So what’s the difference.”

“The difference is that we’re in love.” Oh. Taeyong blinked, very caught off guard by his own words. “I-.. I mean…”

Doyoung stared back and then, surprising even himself, a smile spread across his lips. Because even though it hurt residually to not be in Yuta’s place Doyoung wouldn’t never not celebrate Taeyong’s happiness. Huh… maybe he really was moving on. “I’m really happy for you hyung.”

“What I meant to say…” Taeyong, flustered yet grateful that Yuta was stuck at a late photoshoot, pushed onward. “If you like  _ Jaehyun _ then maybe it’s worth asking him to date. But if you’re only feeling enamored with his actions, rather than him **,** then you’re better off keeping things as is and finding someone else.”

Doyoung let out a hum, considering all of the other “someone else's” he had tried when rudely avoiding Jaehyun. None of them felt right, even the ones that were kind enough to grab him coffee and food in the mornings after. And he remembered the times that he angrily caught himself thinking,  _ “Jaehyun makes this--  _ this being “everything” --  _ better.” _ Jaehyun was good at all of Doyoung’s favorite things. And he was kind-hearted and very attractive, and someone that Doyoung knew he could never really spend his life without. But did that mean spending the rest of their lives together?

“Doyoung!” Taeyong’s voice cut through his mulling like an arrow. “Five more seconds and everything’s going to burn! Take your chicken out.”

The raven-haired male scrambled around the kitchen for a few frantic seconds, pulling food from the oven, turning off stoves, fetching plates. The door to his dorm clicked open just as Doyoung started plating both meals. “Oh. He’s here. I’ll see you later, hyung!”

“Wait, what if I want to say ‘hi’?”

“Later, hyung.” Doyoung slammed his laptop screen down and turned just in time to meet Jaehyun.

“What’s this?” The younger blinked, head tilting just the slightest bit.

“Dinner. I...felt like cooking. It’s been a while and I feel like you haven’t gotten much of a break since Taeyong left. I thought it’d be nice.”

Jaehyun smiled, dimples poking deep in his cheeks. “This is really nice. Thanks.” 

It felt comfortably routine the way they took their usual spots at their small table and started talking about their days. Jaehyun had a string of bad customers which always made for Doyoung’s favorite tales. The youngest male, always being more or less composed, could go off about a bad patron in all the best ways and his knack for imitations really brought the experiences to life.

“Did she really ask you ‘can I have a water without ice but cold’?”

“‘Cold like if it did have ice in it.’ Word for word, I promise you. And then when I handed it to her she stuck her finger in it to check the temperature and gave it  _ back _ because it wasn’t cold enough. Like what am I supposed to do with this now? Drink it?”

“Please don’t tell me…”

Jaehyun pulled a face that mixed disgusted and horrified, “What kind of man to you take me for?” 

Doyoung laughed all the way through finishing the dishes alongside Jaehyun. The younger was curious as to how he could manage to use so many for a meal that seemed so simple, adding after, “I wish you would’ve told me. I could’ve brought dessert back from the cafe.”

“I’m not Taeyong. I don’t need dessert after every meal.” They both grinned and settled for iced coffee in front of Doyoung’s open laptop instead, video game streams on screen and chips on the side in case hunger struck again.

“Why don’t we play instead?” Jaehyun offered after nearly flipping the table over on a bad match. “We can do better than this.”

“And yet they’re the ones with thousands of viewers,” Doyoung rolled his eyes, closing the tab and shutting his laptop. 

“Maybe it’s time to drop out of school and become a professional gamer,” Jaehyun jested, untangling wires before handing a controller over to Doyoung. The older rolled his eyes.

“You know,” he hummed as he settled into his seat. “I don’t think we’ve played since Taeyong left.”

“Does that mean you don’t want to?” 

“No,” Doyoung shook his head. His lips quirked into a small smile, “Just thinking about it. It’ll be easier to kick your ass now that he’s not here.” 

x

As the sunlight licked his face the next morning, Doyoung let out a wide yawn. He tried to roll onto his stomach, folding over his arms to catch the remnants of his own body heat because he couldn’t find his blankets. Wait-- there were no blankets. His knees pressed against something firmer than his mattress. Doyoung dared to open his eyes, catching sight of a sleeping Jaehyun beneath him. Startled, Doyoung tried to wiggle out of the tight hold Jaehyun had around his waist, but when that grip tightened, and his eyes caught sight that it was far earlier than he wanted to be awake on a weekend, Doyoung let himself settle back against Jaehyun’s chest and closed his eyes again. 

He awoke again an hour later when Jaehyun started stirring, the two of them locking eyes the moment they opened. Jaehyun jumped.

“Sorry,” Jaehyun was flustered, dimpled cheeks flushing.

“It’s okay,” Doyoung’s hands found their way on top of the ones Jaehyun was pulling away from his back. He re-wrapped the younger’s arms around himself and added quickly, “I mean if you’re okay?” before settling his face in the crook of Jaehyun’s neck. “I’m just...still sleepy. And it takes so much energy to get into bed…” Doyoung was lying. And from the way Jaehyun chuckled beneath him he knew they both were on the same page. 

“Doyoung, I’m hungry,” Jaehyun complained, poking his finger into the other’s side. “Let’s get up.”

“But it’s cold and you’re not,” Doyoung mumbled. 

“I’ll make you coffee. Let me eat.”

Doyoung groaned, finally peeling himself from Jaehyun’s chest. The laptop battery had died many hours back and the snacks they’d grabbed remained open on the table. Doyoung didn’t remember exactly when they fell asleep and was more than embarrassed to admit it was the best rest he’d gotten in months.

“I’ll handle breakfast,” Doyoung yawned. “You make me coffee.”

“What a  _ brat _ ,” Jaehyun rolled his eyes in return, setting down the eggs and rice he’d pulled out from the refrigerator and turning his attention to finding their coffee grounds. 

“I’m the best brat,” Doyoung corrected. 

“You’re the only brat. I don’t have room to tolerate anyone else.”

“That’s because you love me.” 

They shared a laugh and though bits of awkwardness started to settle in Doyoung’s muscles he opted to ignore them. They were working on improving all of the things Doyoung had fucked up and so far it seemed good. Very good. Better than Doyoung could ask for.

“Do we talk about falling asleep together?” He dared to ask when they finished eating, eyes connecting with Jaehyun’s as he took his bowl.

Jaehyun could feel panic at the edges of his mind, clutching tight in his chest. All of the anger and sadness and uncertainty from those months of Doyoung avoiding him lying in wait to overtake him again. He choked out, “Something wrong?”

“N-no,” Doyoung stammered and blushed and looked away. “I liked it.”

_ Thank God. _ “Me too. I don’t think we’ve fallen asleep together like that since studying for my first finals.”

“Jaehyun…”

“Hyung?”

Jaehyun only used honorifics with Doyoung in three cases: one, they were with an unfamiliar group who put a lot of value on age dynamics; two, he was drunk and/or needy; or three, when he was nervous, when he needed a hyung. By process of elimination Doyoung determined it was the last reason. But Jaehyun was nearly never nervous. He was always sure and confident and so many things that both Doyoung and Taeyong were not. It’s why they needed him. Why  _ he  _ needed him. Doyoung shifted in his seat. Time to be that hyung. And hopefully...more.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about, uhm, everything. Taeyong, my crush, our friendship, us being soulmates, all those stupid flings I had because I was scared and immature and…”

SIlence.

“And…?”

“I asked before if you wanted to date but this time I’m wondering…” He paused, eyes to the floor, summoning every ounce of strength he could. “Would you want to.... _ try _ ...dating? Dating me, I mean?” 

Jaehyun blinked back.

“I don’t know what you...want or don’t want really. I did some research on the things you told me, but everyone says it varies between people so, you know, if you don’t want to that’s okay. But if you do want to, I’d be happy to try it on your terms. I just...I’ve been thinking a lot about the type of person I would want to be with, and how I want to spend my life after graduation, and it keeps leading me back to you.” He finally glanced back up, brows pinched and gaze hopeful. “And I mean...we are soulmates after all, right?”

“Right,” Jaehyun replied stupidly. He was used to Doyoung’s ramblings but this… this was a lot more than he was ready to wrap his mind around. Him? Doyoung really wanted to get together with him?  _ “But I’m nothing like Taeyong.”  _ Did that matter? 

“S-so?” Doyoung urged after a few too many minutes passed awkwardly.

“It’s...if there are going to be terms let’s make them together. This should be two-sided after all.”

“So that’s a yes?” 

“Yes,” Jaehyun smiled shyly. “Let’s try dating, Doyoung.” 

x

If any good could come out of Doyoung’s internal turmoil re: dating his soulmate Jaehyun, it was his pre-prepared list of “Things I Want From a Boyfriend” that he was able to bring forward. It seemed too easy: video game dates, home cooked meals, coffee, hand holding sometimes?, kissing. They lived together so the need to set a schedule of times to meet wasn’t necessary. And much of that which Doyoung knew he wanted were things they already did. It was just the matter of adding some more...intimate details. That’s where Doyoung grew uneasy.

“I don’t mind,” Jaehyun reassured him, looking over the physical list Doyoung had given him. “I kind of assumed that would be part of it.”

But it couldn’t be  _ that _ easy. And Doyoung did his best to flit around the subject; keeping their caresses to a hand on a knee and or a cup of a cheek. It took Doyoung three weeks before he leaned in and pecked his lips to Jaehyun’s dimpled cheek after a night of video gaming. Then another few days before they’d pressed lip to lip. And then after maybe 30 seconds more before he went off about it to Taeyong and Yuta. 

_ TY_Track: Good work!  
_ _ TY_Track: It’s aBOUT TIME!!! _

Doyoung blinked, confused, at the second message in Japanese.

_ TY_Track: That was Yuta, please ignore… _

Jaehyun insisted that he was happy to do the things Doyoung wanted to up to a point. He tried to encourage Doyoung’s comfort more than anything out of fear that the slightest misstep would send the older running again. Doyoung had only just admitted their connection and, a little later, asked to pursue it romantically. To not want to date anymore would be one thing. Jaehyun would understand and not mind that; but Doyoung was never the type to make it that easy. And if he removed himself from Jaehyun’s life entirely...the young brunette wasn’t sure he could handle it. They needed communication. Jaehyun was determined to keep that going between them.

Doyoung slotted his fingers in between Jaehyun’s during their agreed upon “This is a Date” night and held his hand under the table as they waited for their spicy chicken. He glanced up to ask  _ “Is this okay?” _ with his eyes and was met with a soft smile. Jaehyun squeezed his hand once and they remained that way until their first bottle of soju arrived.

“I don’t know how Yuta’s friends do it,” Doyoung professed, swallowing his sixth shot of soju. They were two bottles between them with Jaehyun considering another because his alcohol tolerance has always been too high. “Taeyong sends us photos with those empty,  _ big _ bottles. I’m surprised he’s not dead.”

Jaehyun chuckled back, tipping the last drops of alcohol into his shot glass. “Maybe his alcohol tolerance will beat yours next time we’re all together.”

“How  _ dare you _ ,” Doyoung squawked back, indignant. “I’ll never be beaten by Lee Taeyong.” But he would be beaten by their inevitable third bottle. Jaehyun sprung for a taxi to get them home. His arm wrapped firmly around the older’s waist, making sure to keep him upright and thinking about anything else other than vomiting. It had been a while since Doyoung was the messy one--usually Taeyong took that title--and while Jaehyun was happy to see him let himself go the last thing he wanted was to pay for damaging the car. 

“You’re so heavy,” Jaehyun whined with a laugh, Doyoung’s deadweight wrapped over his shoulders and in his arms. 

“Bite me,” Doyoung replied weakly. 

“Bedroom only.”

“WhAT!?’ Doyoung sputtered, started choking, and nearly tumbled out of Jaehyun’s hold.

“Hey.  _ Hey!”  _ Jaehyun scrambled to regain his hold over the other and collected him long enough to drop Doyoung onto his bed. “It was a joke, jeez.” Doyoung just whined back.

“I’m going to get you some water.” 

Doyoung whined louder.

“Just wait a bit.” 

The older slumped forward, face first towards his pillow, and was nearly passed out by the time Jaehyun returned with a glass of water. “Wait… You’re drinking this first before you fall asleep.”

“No more drinking…”

“It’s not alcohol…” Jaehyun propped Doyoung against his shoulder, brought the glass to his lips, and did everything except make the other swallow. “Alright. Feeling better? Mumble twice of yes.” He laughed, running his hands through his brown hair and shifting to move away when thin fingers caught onto his sweater. 

“....”

“What is it?”

“Stay with me? Please, Jaehyunnie...”

Jaehyun’s gaze softened, a smile gracing his lips. “Sure. Can I go change?”

“No.” 

So Jaehyun shifted, laying Doyoung down securely near the edge, and the small waste bin he’d brought over. Still clad in his jeans, he removed his sweater before taking his place at the other’s side. 

“Thanks, Jaehyunnie…” Doyoung mumbled softly, rolling towards the other. He curled in on himself, head bowed towards Jaehyun’s chest and, after a few long moments of pause, Jaehyun decided to drape his arm over Doyoung’s shoulders.

“Of course. Goodnight...hyung.” A fourth reason to use the term: when Doyoung was too cute and too needy and it felt empowering for the younger to provide so much care. 

x

Doyoung would’ve had the worst hangover if he wasn’t so overcome with warmth and comfort surrounding him when he stirred that next morning. He inhaled slowly, lungs filling with the lingering smells of chicken and alcohol mixed with sweet cedarwood and early twilight; a scent unique only to Jaehyun. He moved closer without much thought, head on the other’s bare arm and nose pressed to his white undershirt. His head hurt. And Jaehyun was comfortable. And the sun was too bright and his room too cold. And his head hurt. He let out a low whine and tried to hide himself from the day as much as possible.

“Morning,” Jaehyun’s chest moved with his chuckles. “On a scale from one to murdered how dead are you?”

“Shut up…” Doyoung groaned. 

“Want me to get you some medicine or water?” Jaehyun started shifting but Doyoung caught him again; just like last night. 

“No, just...stay? Do you mind?””

“I don’t,” A pause then a laugh, “this is a lot nicer than you asked last night.”

“Shut  _ up! _ ” But Doyoung didn’t really mind the teasing if it meant getting his way. Jaehyun was so nice to lean up against. So...firm. Had he always been this toned? Come to think of it, Jaehyun was always offering to workout with Doyoung. He always liked to go Sunday mornings if he wasn’t working. Could someone really get this buff from one day a week? He had to go more. Doyoung’s fingers grazed over the hem of Jaehyung’s white t-shirt, searching absently for the lines of his abs and whatever other definition the younger had going on these days; definition that Doyoung never really thought about before. Not when he’d catch Jaehyun between his room and the bathroom...not when they’d change out of their sweaty shirts mid-summer…

“Can I help you?” Another round of light laughter had Doyoung frozen in place, his hand still at Jaehyun’s stomach. Even worse, a hard on between his legs. 

“S-sorry!” He stammered, practically throwing himself out of the bed, “I think I’m going to go shower.” 

“Are you sure? You were just dying a moment ago?” Jaehyun started to sit up but Doyoung already was long gone. He also failed at not-slamming the bathroom door. 

“Fuck my life…” Doyoung groaned, setting the water temperature to as-fucking-cold-as-possible. It did nothing to relieve him and with a very heavy, guilty heart Doyoung took himself in his hand. He tried not to think about the way Jaehyun smelled or how his arms felt cushioning his head as he stroked himself to a shaky climax. It didn’t work too well… and as he fell against the shower wall, breathless, he cursed himself for wanting things that weren’t really in their outlined plans. He didn’t want to make Jaehyun uncomfortable. There were a lot of good things going for their newly semi-defined soulmate relationship and Doyoung wouldn’t let his sex drive fuck it up. 

He nearly yelped, running face to face with Jaehyun the moment he opened the bathroom door. 

“We need to talk about this,” the younger, unphased by Doyoung’s cherry red cheeks and whines of “What the heck!!” and “How long were you waiting there?!” insisted, calm and cool. 

“A-about what?” Doyoung stammered while trying desperately to sneak around Jaehyun to hide-- or at the very least to grab a clean shirt.

“Do you do this a lot? Get hard when we’re together and take care of yourself in the bathroom?”

“I  _ do not _ do that!” Doyoung would’ve shrieked if his voice didn’t break halfway through. 

Jaehyun raised a brow, “So just this once?”

“I wasn’t!”

“You take 10 minute showers at most because you hate wasting water and when your fingers get pruny. Don’t lie to me. Not to mention why you started showering in the first place so, I mean, did you really think I wouldn’t put it all together--”

“Okay, okay. You’re right,” Doyoung’s shoulders deflated. Jaehyun’s other brow raised when his boyfriend’s head fell. “I just...This is so hard to talk about and so weird.”

“Would it be as weird if I wasn’t asexual?” The question was so forward but Doyoung could hear the shake in Jaehyun’s voice. He wasn’t shy about his sexuality, and Doyoung would never  _ ever _ ask him otherwise. Not when they’d finally reached the point of open where it felt like that could talk about anything. But  _ talk about anything _ meant Doyoung had to do that too. 

“It’s not that,” he shook his head, “I just didn’t-- don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Why would you though?” 

Doyoung fidgeted and shifted his weight back and forth a few times between his feet. “Because there’s a lot out there about people feeling pressured by their partners who are sexual and want to be sexual, and sometimes I want to be sexual but I don’t want it to be violent or anything. I’m scared. I don’t want to pressure you. Don’t let me pressure you. I can just...the bathroom’s fine for me to. You know.”

“It’s not...Doyoung, you...I’m…” Jaehyun’s brows scrunched and he pulled his lips into a line. There were a lot of thoughts swimming in his head. A lot of flags popping up in his head, a lot of things he wanted to reassure Doyoung, a lot of explaining he wanted to do. But he didn’t know where to begin. “Uh… Can we couch?”

“Can I put on underwear first…” 

“I’m inclined to say no since the last time  _ I  _ was coming out of the shower and you wanted to talk I was not given the privilege of putting on pants  _ but _ ,” he drawled out, one dimple poking in his cheek as he smiled, thinking ‘ _ cut the tension _ ,’ “it is allowed.” 

To his credit, and a little bit of Jaehyun’s surprise as he was ready to drag the older’s ass out of his room at any given moment, Doyoung returned once he’d thrown on a clean shirt, sweatpants and, presumably, underwear. And Jaehyun joined him on the couch once he had two mugs of warm instant coffee ready. “Here, hangover boy.” 

Doyoung took it with a nod of his head in thanks and that startled Jaehyun even more. “Wow, you must really not be feeling well.” Doyoung glanced up and for a second Jaehyun swore his heart broke at that look in his eyes. “Okay, okay. No more joking let’s just talk.”

The silence stretched for a few beats too long between them while Jaehyun collected the loose notes in his head about all the things to address. “First… Violence would be more like, uh, you not listening to me when I said no or I don’t want to do something. It’s not asking. Not unless you asked and wouldn’t let me not do something I was uncomfortable with.”

“I’d never!”

“I know,” Jaehyun smiled, “and that’s why I want you to know right here, right now, explicitly, that you coming to talk to me is not violent.

“Next...I know you want sexual things. I know you’re a sexual person. So I expected that it’d come up sometime, you know? To be honest I’m surprised it’s taken this long but I guess it’s only been a month… It’s hard to gauge progress when we already live together.”

Doyoung shifted uncomfortably.

“Have you wanted to do stuff for a while?” 

“Not...completely. I like our pace. It doesn’t feel like anything has changed and I  _ like _ that. I don’t really think I want any big sweeping ‘boyfriend’ things. Just sometimes my mind gets the better of me and I think what if. When, if...if we could do something what it would be like.” Finally he met Jaehyun’s eyes. “Honestly, I’m scared.”

“Of?”

“First, hurting you or making you unhappy. Then...realizing that maybe this isn’t right, maybe something feels wrong and it leads to bad feelings.”

“So you’d rather keep things exactly like this than risk anything at all?”

“....Yeah. Wouldn’t you?”

“I...wouldn’t mind,” Jaehyun offered up honestly. “I don’t know a lot about sex and it freaks me out a bit. But I wouldn’t want you to say this now and change your mind later, then get upset when things aren’t changing. Relationships are supposed to change anyway, right? As we grow and stuff.” 

“But,” Jaehyun continued, “I also don’t really want you to feel like you have to jerk off in the bathroom whenever you’re aroused. At the very least we could talk when it happens and see what we’re both comfortable with.”

“What do you think you would be comfortable with?”

That gave Jaehyun pause. “I don’t totally know right now if I’m being honest. But I’m willing to at least try the things you want if you won’t be upset that I might not want to do them again.”

Doyoung nodded slowly. “I...can definitely do that. I can...well, we can talk about it and see.” Even if it might mean loving something and giving it up forever, or maybe giving up Jaehyun forever… Doyoung swallowed hard. He guessed it was a risk he was willing to take. “So uhm… what about right now? Could we do something right now?”

“Oh,” Jaehyun looked a little startled. “You want to?”

“W-we don’t have to. It’s just...talking about it makes me think about it and this morning when I woke up you smelled so good and you felt so nice I couldn’t help but...think…” His ears were starting to redden again and in a flurry of movement he set his coffee mug down so he could hide in his hands. “Just forget I asked I don’t want to anymore.”

“Hey,” Jaehyun chuckled, reaching across the space between them to link his fingers between Doyoung’s and pull his palms away from his flushed cheeks. “We gotta talk about it and try sometime right? What were you thinking?” 

“Just some kissing...making out and maybe a little bit of touching. If that’s okay with you.”

“Let’s try,” Jaehyun nodded firmly-- much more so than Doyoung, and even he himself, really expected. He was swallowing down his own hesitations. Squaring his shoulders because between their two sensibilities Jaehyun figured he’d need to lead if anything were to happen. Kissing… Kissing they’d done. Touching...wouldn’t be so hard, right? He swallowed again and smiled, “We’ll never know until we try. And I know I like kissing you.”

“Oh?” Doyoung’s head tilted. He shifted, letting his back fall against the armrest of their couch as Jaehyun crawled his way over him. They hadn’t said much in regards to kissing other than gasped check-ins of,  _ “Is this okay?”  _ when it got a little more heated. “What makes you know that?”

“It makes you really happy and I like that,” Jaehyun replied after a moment of pause, letting out a thoughtful hum. “I’m not compelled to do things on my own. I don’t really think about it? But when we do them it doesn’t feel bad for me or anything either. And…” He started to chuckle, “you’re very cute when you get breathless and disheveled. I like seeing you squirm around to fix yourself up afterwards.”

“So you’re a sadist.”

“Maybe not in so many words but I have fun with--” Doyoung cut him off with a tug to his shirt and the crushing press of their lips together again. His hands slipped up to Jaehyun’s jaw, Jaehyun’s hand smoothed down Doyoung’s side.  _ Relax _ . They were trying to ease the obvious tension in each other’s muscles away.  _ We’ve done this and I just told you I like it _ . And when Doyoung finally fell pliant under the weight of their kiss, Jaehyun pressed a little harder. The older of the two let his tongue slide out over the other’s bottom lip and soon enough they were met and dancing, kissing deeper. Doyoung’s head was swimming, wrapped up in that same warmth and sweet scent that had greeted his hungover self in the morning. He could feel the way it stirred deep in his gut, and lower, and his hips trembled with the urge to keen upward.

Jaehyun’s deep, honey voice cut into his thoughts, answered his prayers, as he commented, “It helps me, though, when you give me direction. I can take charge because I know you like that. Just keep helping me out okay?” and then asked shakily, “Where did you want me to touch you?”

“Chest,” Doyoung all but squeaked back. “Ch-chest first, please…”

The pads of Jaehyun’s fingers teased at the hem of Doyoung’s shirt before crawling up the flat plane of his stomach. Doyoung swallowed down as much of his arousal as he could. But he couldn’t shake the thought of how firm he felt Jaehyun’s abs to be earlier and how much it meant he needed to get his shit together and start working out too if he wanted any hope of matching the other male. 

He yelped when Jaehyun’s finger rolled over one of his nipples. “Oh?” The younger chuckled, repeating the action and eliciting the same response. “Who would’ve known.”

“I h-hate you,” Doyoung gasped, feeling breathless at two touches in. If they went any further he was as good as gone.

Jaehyun smirked, “I can stop.”

“For the love of  _ everything _ please--” Jaehyun pinched him, Doyoung groaned, “d-don’t.” This was nothing in the grand scheme of everything Doyoung had ever done and yet he found himself feeling better than ever; floating higher than any of those one night stands had given to him before. Maybe it was their spiritual connection (Lord help him). Maybe it was the fact that Jaehyun was so hot and sweet and the only person in the world Doyoung had ever (and at this rate...maybe could ever) give himself to. Whatever it was, he was grateful for it. Whatever he had Doyoung didn’t want to stop.

“I wonder…” Jaehyun hummed after a moment. 

“Wonder?” Doyoung repeated as Jaehyun leaned in and latched his lips to his neck. He hands few to Jaehyun’s (fuck) toned shoulders, nails biting through his shirt. Jaehyun dragged a long line with his tongue, from the base of his neck towards under his jaw and then outright  _ nipped _ Doyoung behind his ear.

“I thought you had no idea what you were doing!!” He yelped, stuck in the unfortunate predicament of wanting to lock Jaehyun in place and push him away because it was already so much for him to handle.

Jaehyun pulled back and blinked innocently down at Doyoung. “I don’t.”

“Then what was  _ that _ ?!”

“What? I see people kissing each other’s neck on campus all the time. Probably more than I do in porn.”

“You watch porn!?”

“Not anymore. But when I was trying to figure myself out I did a few times,” Jaehyun shrugged.“It was never really helpful...until now.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“That’s it. I’m dying here,” Doyoung’s head fell back over the armrest, one hand finally untangling itself from Jaehyun to fall over his eyes. “Rest in peace me.” 

Jaehyun took the opportunity to lick again at the column of Doyoung’s now fully exposed neck, taking great care at the underside of his jaw. He was growing more confident with each and every moan that passed Doyoung’s lips. He felt a bit, too; physical arousal as a result of Doyoung’s hips pushing against his own. But it hardly matched the exhilaration of making his best friend feel happy in a way that no one else could. He valued Doyoung more in this moment: his happiness, his wants, his trust in Jaehyun to give him things they both weren’t sure about. His hand snaked under Doyoung’s shirt again to pinch and nip at the same time. This was really it. This was really Doyoung’s end. He couldn’t regain himself in time from the sudden onslaught to keep his lips from pressing up and swallowed, embarrassed and ready to explode, when Jaehyun’s free hand shifted to still them.

“S-sorry. Did I….” A gulp, a whine because Jaehyun was still nipping at his skin, “Was that wrong?”

“Huh? Oh no, you’re fine,” Jaehyun didn’t even peel away to respond. “I’m just not done with you up here yet. This part,” He squeezed Doyoung’s hip, “You’ll have to wait.”  

So Doyoung did, letting Jaehyun take all the time in the world marking up his neck and touching his chest. And truthfully he wasn’t sure he even wanted more than this with the way that Jaehyun’s fingers and mouth seemed to unravel him on their own. Not that he’d finish from something like this but...maybe if they kept it up for a long time he could…

Finally Jaehyun’s hand trailed south, palming Doyoung’s very hard length through the thin fabric of his sweats. “So here?”

“We don’t have to,” he gasped out, finally lifting his head from its propped position over the round of the arm rest and catching Jaehyun’s eyes again. His lips were a little swollen, spit lining the edges and making them glisten. Wow, he looked good like this… Doyoung shook his head out and smiled, “I feel good. We can stop if you want.” 

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind.” Jaehyun sat back on his haunches, giving Doyoung the room to readjust more comfortably and crack his neck. 

“If you don’t…” Doyoung felt conflicted. Jaehyun had already given him so much pleasure that it seemed selfish to take more. “But I haven’t really done anything for you.”

Jaehyun shook his head and chuckled. “That’s not true. It’s nice to have you in my arms. To know you trust me. You’re having fun because of what I’m doing. I like that a lot.”

Doyoung blushed. It went against all of his wannabe stoic sensibilities but he smiled and nodded. “I’m having a lot of fun. You’re...really good. It feels really nice.”

“So let me make you feel nicer,” Jaehyun was already crawling over him again. Doyoung leaned up, arms winding around Jaehyun’s shoulders when he pressed their lips together again. “If you’re sure. But the second you want to stop, we can. Just don’t mind the whining.”

“I never do,” Jaehyun kissed him again. His hand slipped quickly past the line of Doyoung’s sweats and boxers, fingers tracing the outline of his cock slowly. Doyoung choked back his gasp, controlled enough not to buck back but still taking his chance to keen a little bit into Jaehyun’s touch. He moaned softly when Jaehyun wrapped his hand around him completely and brought his hands to cup Jaehyun’s jaw. He pressed his lips to Jaehyun’s cheek, his jaw, his neck, peppering him with kisses down and up and back again in a very gentle, wordless  _ “Thanks.” _

“Can you go faster?” He whispered against the shell of Jaehyun’s ear, “Please?” And the younger complied until Doyoung was too lost in feeling to hold himself up anymore, unraveling as he fell against the couch and coming with a gasp of the other’s name between their chests. His eyes slipped shut, chest rising and falling quickly and heavily, cheeks flushed. A beautiful scene for Jaehyun to behold as he pulled back. Beautiful and fulfilling because that was all  _ him _ . Not sounds wafting unwanted between their bedroom walls, but Jaehyun’s own doing. For his soulmate. For his best friend. He’d always liked taking care of his friends and, sure, this was very different from helping with meals and making drinks. But it wasn’t any less important to Jaehyun. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said as he crawled off a still-panting Doyoung, heading to the bathroom to wash his hands and grab a damp cloth. 

“That probably won’t work,” was the first thing Doyoung said, eyes still looking dazed as they flit between the washcloth and the mess on his own shirt. “I’ll just scrub the shit out of this and do laundry. Don’t worry.”

“You probably have more experience with that than I do,” Jaehyun grinned, wading the cloth up in his hand and taking a seat in the space Doyoung’s half-sprawled out body didn’t occupy. “How do you feel?”

Instead of replying verbally Doyoung shifted, peeling his dirty shirt from his body and wadding it up before placing it onto the floor. Then, crawling over to Jaehyun and wrapping his arms around the other’s shoulder he pressed a light kiss to his cheek. 

“Thank you,” he said after a moment, nuzzling his face into the crook of Jaehyun’s neck. “It was perfect. How do you feel?”

“That was fun, watching you get so free,”the other smiled, head tilting sideways to rest atop Doyoung’s. “I’d be happy to do that again.”

“Okay,” Doyoung’s arms slipped around Jaehyun’s waist. Maybe not for a while, he decided for himself. He didn’t want to over-do it or burden Jaehyun with the sudden switch of non-intimate to almost-always intimate. He could wait it out. Just knowing that they could, that they could both get something out of shared moments like this, more than enough for Doyoung. He added it to the never ending list of “Things that make me grateful for Jaehyun;” the list that was changing each and every old hang up he’d ever had about soulmates. 

x

“Do you think I should get a piercing?” Doyoung asked over Jaehyun’s shoulder, peering down at the earrings the other was looking at.

“Why?”

“To match you of course.”

Jaehyun blinked back. “Why...would you?”

“You keep our mark covered up twenty-four seven, if yours is hidden isn’t it fair that mine is too?”

“Are you saying you want to match?”

“M-match?!” Doyoung sputtered, “As if. I just…” He glanced away, “figured they might look nice and wanted to try.” 

A wide grin spread across Jaehyun’s lips as he snatched the silver cuffs with the dangling lightning bolts into his hand and turned to face Doyoung. He hummed as he held the accessory up to the other’s ear. “I don’t know… I’m not sure you’re cool enough.”

“Rude,” Doyoung smacked Jaehyun’s chest. 

“Maybe own up to the fact that you want us to look like soulmates and I’ll buy your first piercing for you. How does that sound?”

Doyoung gulped.  _ Scary. _ But even Taeyong had his ears pierced so how bad could it be? “Fine,  _ maybe _ I want to match you. And since you don’t want your holes to close up maybe this is the only way to do it.”

Jaehyun turned away suddenly, “Noona!” he called to the shop keep he’d been getting to know over the year. “Do you have a moment? My friend wants a piercing.”

Doyoung couldn’t stop touching the studs in his ears as they left, despite Jaehyun’s scolding not to aggravate them.

“I can’t believe I just…” He breathed.

“I can’t either,” Jaehyun smiled, offering a hand to distract Doyoung from playing further with his earlobes. He shook the bag in his other hand. “Once those heal we can match. I know that’s what you really wanted.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“No.”

“Because I’m your soulmate and you want to show off.”

Doyoung turned red to the tips of his ears, cheeks almost puffed with the tirade he was holding back. Yes, he  _ did _ want to match his soulmate and show off but there was  _ no way in hell _ he’d say it here. Not on the open air street of Seoul. Not yet. Jaehyun just grinned brighter, “Because you love me,” and Doyoung flailed further.

About three months had passed since Doyoung asked Jaehyun to start dating, one since he’d laid his wants out between them and they solidified the power of their communication, and he really couldn’t think of anything that would make him happier--save for having Taeyong around for all of this. And Yuta could be there too.

But the two of them  _ were _ planning their first trip to Japan. With their winter break just upon them and Jaehyun’s family returning to America for the holidays it was between holing up in the apartment or traveling. When they mentioned it to Taeyong he jumped at the opportunity. “I’ll pay for part of it,” he insisted, “my Christmas present to you both.”

“You’re an artist, you don’t make any money,” Yuta had teased. But with a wink to the camera he added, “I’ll chip in.”

So the boys had plane tickets destined for Tokyo in the next few weeks and only a few exams standing in their way.

For the most part it was the same simple stuff they always did-- video games on the weekends, making dinners when they weren’t swamped with studying, Jaehyun bringing leftover bread and drinks from the cafe. They hadn’t done a lot more in terms of intimacy than they did that day on the couch. Nothing more. Nothing else needed. Just little kisses here and touches there that left Doyoung feeling satisfied and grateful, Jaehyun thriving on the fact that what they shared was trust and appreciation that could exist only for them. They were fulfilled despite the differences; boundaries aligned, and communication open and active between them. 

The biggest change came the day Jaehyun started dragging Doyoung to the gym with him: “If we’re going to be together for the rest of our lives I want you to last for a while. Get in shape.”

“I can’t believe you,” Doyoung panted after a particularly strenuous leg day. “I’m injured and you still went that hard on me?”

“You got your ears pierced you’re fine. I did mine when we were kids.”

“I get it you’re stronger than me,” Doyoung rolled his eyes.

“I can bench more than you too.”

“If someone told me my soulmate would be a secret fitness buff I’d have hated the idea even more than I did.”

“That’s not true.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you love me.”

Doyoung paused at the kitchen sink, taking a slow sip of his water before setting it down. “You’ve been saying that a  _ lot _ recently.”

“Just because it’s true,” Jaehyun tried to match him raised brow for raised brow.

“No, I think it’s because you like to see me squirm and whine like the sadist you are. But I won’t give you the satisfaction.”

“Oh?” Jaehyun took a few steps forward, closing the distance between them and trapping Doyoung between his arms, palms pressed to the counter. 

Doyoung merely shook his head. “Not a chance. I’d never let it be that easy.”

“Why?”

“Because,”  _ Because it’s no fun if I can’t tease you back. Because I’m learning your games. Because I want to play with you, bat straight into your court, keep you on your toes. Because we’ll always be together. _ Doyoung let out a hum, poking his finger into a dimpled cheek; meeting the other bright smile to bright smile. “I’ve made you work for the last eighteen years. Why would I stop now?”

"Huh," Jaehyun laughed, head tilted. "Well, if it takes another eighteen years to break you down I'm in."

"Let's see you try." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for 'Of Ink and Emptiness'! Thank you everyone for joining me in this <3 
> 
> I've opened up a Curious Cat for people to leave thoughts, comments, or just to chat: http://curiouscat.me/chibixkadaj
> 
> I've just started a part 2 focused on YuTae's time in Japan and Yuta's character development. I'd love to hear any ideas/suggestions you have here, on Twitter @ChibiKadaj, or CC. Please anticipate :)


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